I don’t fear dogs but I was bitten by one when the owner let it run up on me as I passed by on a sidewalk.
My son was terrorized as a small child by a chihuahua that the neighbors would let out (in a condo complex).
Once as we were taking an akita out for a walk some lady started walking her little POS dog up to the akita “to say hi.” I am over 200 lbs and it was all I could do to hold the akita back from eviscerating this dog. Mrs. Cad yelled, “Keep your dog back.” and the idiot said, “No it’s OK. My dog is friendly.” She got to about 5 feet away before she read the situation and realized her dog was 60 inches from being a meat puddle.
So based on that, an owner not respecting someone saying “please keep your dog back.” is, IMO, realistic. So not a debate in as much a reply to the idea that a dog owner does not owe anything to a cynophobe.
All dog owners have a responsibility to know their dog and keep it under control.
Of course, not all people are responsible.
However, that does not let the BiL off the hook if he freaks at a dog walking calmly down a sidewalk with its person and clearly not being a menace (I probably walk by a half dozen dogs every day on my daily walk and all of them barely do more than glance at me). If he has a phobia that’s fine but it is on him to move away knowing he has that phobia. Dog person has no clue and just assumes he’s just some guy walking on the sidewalk like everyone else.
Yes, it’s always the responsibility of the dog owner, in public, on the street. Always.
But, being afraid like BIL, seems affected. If he’ll sit at a table and eat with dog underneath it is not fear. He basically, just doesn’t like dogs.
Thats ok. But to say it’s fear when it’s not, is disingenuous.
I used to run into that too with my Grady. He had leash aggression. We worked every day on not freaking out at dogs behind fences or dogs walking with us or dogs walking past us. But there is very little I can do when a dog comes at us, no matter how friendly. He was never going to understand that the dog wasn’t coming to attack us. When one of the neighbors got a puppy and let it play outside unleashed with his kids, I had to start adjusting my route to avoid that house. The last thing I wanted was for Grady to maul a puppy in front of its kids.
Keeping your dog leashed and/or under control on your property is definitely the owner’s responsibility. It’s best for the dogs too.
As a general rule, the world doesn’t revolve around your pain. It’s a “you” problem. I don’t mean to sound callous, I certainly don’t mind helping people with their problems or making accommodations when warranted, but you can’t expect the rest of the world to operate according to your phobias. Life just doesn’t work that way.
I was bit on the face by a dog when I was five and spent the rest of my childhood terrified of them. It wasn’t until I was 14 or 15 that I finally got over my fear. I had a dog who passed away recently, he weighed all of 12 pounds at his heaviest, but I deliberately made sure he didn’t approach strange people because I understand fear isn’t always rational. I did on occasion run into people who were scared of him, but most people just seemed happy to see him and wanted to pet him.
Yeah, that is weird and I have never seen this behavior. Plus I don’t want anyone touching my dog without permission first, and you’ll most likely get a “no.”
I live in a hi-rise that allows dogs so I frequently share an elevator with dogs and their person. I love dogs but I always ask their person if the dog is friendly and if it is ok to pet the dog.
Usually is it obvious that the dog is chill and I ask. Sometimes the owner is careful to keep the dog to the side and on a very short leash. I don’t ask them.
But I always ask the owner first unless I am in a dog park (where dogs will just run up to you but that’s on me since I am in a dog park…I happen to have one across the street from me).
A phobia is an irrational fear. Irrational is the operative word. Your BIL does not have rational fear. Thus, it’s his problem. He also sounds like a total asshole.
After trying to placate him and being unsuccessful, if it was me, I would tell him to eat in another room of my house with the door closed, so the sane people could enjoy their food.
Okay, maybe I wouldn’t. But I would definitely feel like it.
My sister used to have that problem. She had a lovely, well behaved German Shepherd who didn’t like other dogs. (It wasn’t a leash thing, she couldn’t kennel that dog, either, because it really didn’t like other dogs near it.) And when she walked her drug, other people would let their dogs come up to hers, and she would try to fend them off, and they would say, “it’s okay, my dog is friendly”. She’d try to reply, “but mind isn’t”. Didn’t always work.
A second point illustrated by your anecdote is that there are many owners who have dogs on a string that they cannot physically control. You had control of yours, barely. Had your (presumably smaller) wife been holding the akita’s leash the outcome that day might have been rather different.
Many owners can certainly try to influence their dog by tugging on its leash or talking to it or even shouting at it. But if the dog gets a mind to run or attack or whatever, many owners lack the brawn, weight, and take-command mindset necessary to enforce their will on the dog over the dog’s fully keyed-up intentions.
My brother is a big guy. Works construction & strong as an ox. He has a husky. Which can pull like crazy.
One time he & his dog encountered a Rottweiler with a 100 lb. woman on the other end of that leash. The rottie decided it wanted a piece of the husky. Bro hoisted the husky off all 4 feet and well behind himself with one mighty yank of the leash. Then the rottie attacked bro while the woman squealed “no” over and over while pulling gently on the rottie’s leash. Bro got bit pretty good, but nothing with lasting consequences. Despite an ambulance and cops showing up to deal w bro’s injuries, the woman and dog were not cited. All this on a busy sidewalk near a beach loaded with little kids and people walking all manner of dogs.
Hint: If you can’t control your dog, not just influence it, you should not be allowed out in public with it. Or rather it should not be allowed out with you. Keep it in your backyard or living room. Or out in the boonies where you live.
Yeah, I had a large dog-aggressive dog. I learned to yell, MY DOG ISN’T FRIENDLY, GET YOUR DOG NOW! I gave up trying to be polite because people do not listen at all. This was a dog who would also respond to strangers grabbing him, shoving their face up to his and and saying ooh aren’t you a beautiful boy by biting them in the face. I learned to be proactive.
Actually, in many ways, he is a REALLY nice guy. No, certainly not perfect in any respect. But I guarantee you that as he and I go about our daily lives, I piss off WAY MORE people than he does, and he puts a lot more thought and effort into being nice to people he encounters than I do. For me, being nice generally means staying out of your way and letting you do whatever you wish to do.
I think this is likely accurate, and it might have been useful if I could have conveyed that in my initial post. I wonder how many folk have fears that the majority of us would think irrational, but think they are just acting entirely normally and rationally? Me, afraid of flying? No, I just prefer the train. Why would you suggest I’m agoraphobic? But why would I want to go outside, when I have everything I need here at home?
Like I said, I’ve heard my BIL maintain that he is not afraid of and does not dislike dogs. But then he will walk past a docile leashed golden retriever, and when the dog glances in his direction, he will describe it as a “vicious” dog that “lunged” at him. His perception just seems so skewed from reality. I wondered if other phobic folk have such skewed perceptions.
I don’t think he derives any self satisfaction from expressing himself as he does. Nor is he the kind of person who goes about trying to enforce what he considers to be social norms.
My wife and I have always had dogs. We like most dogs more than we like most people. We have always tried to train our dogs to be well behaved. But - as a general rule, our dogs’ interests are less important than the comfort of friends and family whom we invite into our home. None of our dogs would be permanently scarred if they had to spend a couple of hours in a different room. One example would be is someone we invited had a little kid whom we didn’t trust around the dog. We’d likely segregate our dog OUT OF OUR DOG’S INTEREST.
Yep. Had the same problem. Cute as a peach Dalmatian. Hated every single person.
I had to muzzle her. Never took her anywhere but where we had to go(mostly vet, groomer).
She never bit because I was the one in control and did what was necessary.
Her dog was great with humans. And she could control the dog. It was probably stronger than she was, but it was very obedient. Still, it’s not nice to piss off your dog on its walk, and it might have snapped at another dog before she could command it to do something else
I have what I have learned to tell medical staff is a “profound” needle phobia, connected to an unusual vasovagal response . When I get shots, I pass out, vomit, moan uncontrollably, spasm, and so on. I live in dread of the shot for days in advance. Anti-anxiety meds help, but only so much. I have to close my eyes at injection scenes in movies and TV, and do not like to be involved in conversations about them. Hell, I don’t even like writing this post.
It’s a me problem.
But if I know you well, I might interrupt a conversation about needles to apologize, admit my phobia, and ask if we can change the subject. After a few times of doing this, I assume you know better, and if you start talking about injections, I will get up and leave the room for a while until I think the conversation has moved on.
For most people, this is unnecessary. But my father and his wife are a retired physician and a retired diabetes education nurse, respectively. They seem unable to go more than two hours without an in-depth conversation about injections.
It’s a me problem.
Pretty often when I visit them, I leave the room. I figure by this point, if they want my company, they know what to do.