I was debating to myself as to whether to start a GD thread about this, but fuck it - it’s Pit-worthy.
Last night, because I was waiting to hear about my huge lottery victory in The Big Game, I subjected myself to the local news. :eek: They had a “news you can use”-type report on how to prevent your child from being molested (I was told I needed to know this information. My imaginary children, I’m sure, will thank me.)
As part of the report, they interviewed an official of some sort with a group seeking the expansion of Megan’s Law - the sex offenders’ registration and lynching law (oops, wrong issue). As part of the advice provided by this “expert”, we were told that we must not allow our children to sleep over at friends’ houses. “You don’t have control. You don’t know who’s going to stop by the other parent’s house.” Etc., etc.
I completely agree. If you let your child out of your sight for ONE FUCKING SECOND, you are increasing your child’s risk of being assaulted. If you don’t keep control of your child’s every move and interaction, YOUR CHILD WILL DIE A HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE DEATH, and IT WILL ALL BE YOUR FAULT.
Admittedly, there are downsides to protecting your child from all risk. Your child may end up as humorless and as scared of other people as the “expert,” by hey, life’s a balancing act.
Thank god the local news interviewed this advocate, whose viewpoint has likely been deeply affected by some incident that harmed her or a member of her family. I was afraid they’d interview some pansy-ass “psychologist” or “law enforcement officer,” who’d tell us the usual bullshit that we should investigate adults who are going to be with our children, listen to our children, and not to discount rumors and behavioral changes. THAT’S NOT ENOUGH, DAMMIT!! OUR CHILDREN MUST BE ISOLATED!!
Well, of course, Sua. Can’t let them out of my sight for a second. That’s why I have my brood tied to me right now. We go thorugh a lot of duct tape, as you can imagine. The only probjdm is whennnnnnnnnn my daughttttttterrr p;;;;;;;;;layyyyyyyys with the kkkkkeybhyurd while I’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’'m typdijfasdhsklc;nhjksh;
I live in a cul-de-sac in a very safe exurb, far outside NY City. Every morning, a group of kids wait at the corner for the school bus. One would think the suburban location, the other kids, the residents, and the general location would provide more than adequate safety.
However, several parents wait with their children there, to protect them.
Awww, there’s little Honey getting off the bus right now. She looks sooo cute in that full suit of armor we purchased last week at “Lil’ Knights R Us” No one will ever touch my little girl, no sireee.
Its people who listen to stuff who raise children likemy first college boyfriend.
Among other fears and phobias he was horrified that I would consider tossing laundry in the dryer and walking more than a floor away or, heaven forbid, leaving the house with the dryer running! Fire hazard you see.
Everyone has thier own safety bar, the line that is or isn’t safe to cross. I don’t worry about getting AIDS from the gas pump or my dryer causing fires from one load’s worth of backed up dryer lint. Some people do.
Ya know, december, I’m convinced that what’s wrong with our society when it comes to kids is that parents just don’t have enough of them. I was one of six, and you can be damn sure mom wasn’t waiting at the bus stop to make sure no one abducted me - there were two other kids at another bus stop, and a toddler and an infant squalling for attention.
Give these parents another rug rat to look after, and their overbearing attention to their kids will definitely be cut back.
(Of course, we won’t discuss the morning my mother accidently dropped off my (then 5-y.o.) older brother at school on a day school was closed. He did walk the three miles home by himself - what a little trooper! :D)
You let your child get on a bus?? You horrible, horrible parent!! Don’t you realize all the dangers that are on a bus?? The germs! The cooties!! I’m calling the authorities on you right now!!
I understand wanting to protect your child. I still want to protect the big lug, especially from himself ( )
however - children that are totally completely under their parents thumb never have an opportunity to learn how to make decisions, how to take care of themselves, etc etc.
Yes, I worried about my son when he was younger, kept in mind the actual stats about child molestation etc. But hiding him from the world is not the solution.
My parents were pretty strict about my sleeping over people’s houses, but not unusually so. More like, they wanted to know who the friend was, the phone number, maybe talk to said friend’s parents, etc.
Of course, most of the time I did sleepovers was at my cousin Tina’s house, so it was no big deal.
You never know, they may have kids like my son ! I might seem overprotective to some people, and I would never let him wait for the bus alone- but it’s because I’m afraid of what he would do - (like not get on the bus).
I actually know someone who’s more paranoid than that expert. Not only does she not allow her daughter to go on any sleepovers (including to the home of the mother’s high school friend ), she also does not let her go to parties where parents aren’t expected to stay, to the pizzeria with the rest of the twelve year olds, and looks at us like we’re insane for considering sleepaway camp. I know this woman is so overprotective because she fears her daughter will be sexually abused, because she comes right out and says it.And the part I truly find amazing is that even with this fear, she allows her daughter to wear the most inappropraite clothing I can imagine for a 12 year old.
I don’t have kids, and I’ll be the first to say that if I did, all of the shit I spout about childrearing would probably go flying out the window (landing on some poor kid on her way to a sleepover).
However, nothing chaps me more than alarmist “news” coverage that’s designed to flip parents out.
(One example I can think of is a Dateline expose about how teenagers under the age of 17 are–GASP!–getting into R-rated movies!!! Hey, I’m all for limiting the amount of crap that kids are allowed to watch in the name of “entertainment”, but I swear the show was treating the whole thing as if kids were getting dismembered and boiled alive in the movie theatres.)
And besides, if you go with this “No Sleepovers” logic, doesn’t it follow that your kids shouldn’t even be going to school? I mean, what with abductive busdrivers and persecuted kids with guns, school is probably a more dangerous place than Timmy’s house…
What has not been mentioned in this thread yet are the dangers hidden in The Boys and Girls Club! Just think, not only can your child mingle with people of the opposite sex, they even have sleepovers too, staffed by Club faculty and Keystone Club members.
And if you get to join Keystone, your teenager may be able to go to places like Milwaukee with other teenagers, with members of the oppsite sex in the same van! Or you could go with for a road cleanup project, hold an actual bake sale or assemble fishing tackle.
Just last week, some guy tried to grab a 14 y/o girl at the library. The staff was on the ball, and the police got him - the police station is all of 2 blocks from the library.
Anyway, that evening, we were discussing the event over dinner. I asked my Perfect Child[sup]TM[/sup] what she’d do if some guy tried to grab her. She replied: “Kick him in the nuts.” That’s my girl!
But I guess I’m evil - she’s the Queen of Sleepovers.
Indeed. See, I live in a town just like yours. ( Yeah, that’s me in the dark green Nissan Quest, watching the kids at the bus stop because MY kid is one of em !!!I Love what you’ve done with your landscaping…:D). Kidding. I let my son walk to the bus stop, and my daughter walk three blocks over, where she hooks up with her ace pal Garrett and they walk to the elementary school, another 4 or 5 blocks away.
I wish they were more comfy riding their bikes around town. It’s THEIR town too, they have to feel okay in their environment… I’m not ignorant of the dangers of sleep-overs, walking down the block or being alone in the park. They learn common sense, and I hope that they are left alone.
I simply cannot reconcile my desperate need to always protect them with the need to allow them to be FREE. I’m terrified of something happening, my kids have a walkie talkie with a two mile radius, I talk to them now and again when they’re out and about. It’s the best I can do.
They both do sleep-overs, but ONLY after we’ve spent some time with the parents. No, we never really know who these people are. I trust my kids, I watch them after each sleep-over, and talk to them. They would be able to talk to me if they saw something, or if something happened.
Another thing that bugs me about this level of paronia 9beyond the obvious futility of trying to protect your kids from everytihng, all the time) is that we are seeing a real resuragance of the “sexual abuse is a fate worse than death” mentlity. Note: I am not trying to suggest that sexual abuse is not a serious, tramatic thing that needs to be seriously addressed. It is. But, if, god forbid, you make a fair judgement call and your little angel gets molested by her best friend’s father, it is something that must be dealt with, but it si not the end of the world. Victims of sexual predators can, and do recover. That dosen’t mean that you shuld take foolish risks with your child, or ignore your insticts, but it means that it is a situation where the potential risks can be intellegently balanced with the potential consequnses.
This bothers me for two reasons. The first is that hte “Rape is a fate worse than death” mentality is basically sexist: it suggests that what happens to a woman’s body is more important than who she is. Second, I think that the lng-term recovery of rape victims can only be adversly effected if everyone treats them like what happened to them is the worst thing that ever happened to anyone and they are sure to never get over it. That dosen’t mean it’s legitimate to tell rape victems to "just get over it’ or that it’s “all in their head”–it just means that there is some middle ground between “good thing” and “Might have just as well been at Dachau.”
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