I spend my work day hanging out on the Straight Dope Message Board… according to my boss, I AM an inanimate object.
I’d be a LEGO brick. Don’t ask.
maybe a spy satellite.
On Sundays I’m usually a spud. I’ve felt like an onion on bad days. But what I really want to be is a journal. A new one, cloth bound, with freshly cut, blank, off-white pages.
Oh the potential…
Possibilities:
A pair of glasses on someone whose reading habits closely resemble my own.
A beloved favorite stuffed animal or toy, awareness to end when that status ends and I go in the attic.
A rock sitting on top of a mountain, somewhere with a really good view.
A dust mote, as long I can be airborne for the duration.
A common ordinary bath towel. That way I can be virtually assured of getting rubbed all over wet naked bodies on a daily basis, and maybe get the occasional spilled yoo-hoo mop-up duty. What more could anybody want?
I’d be a Congressman.
A BEER BOTTLE!! I have seen men with their beer bottles, and that is what I would want to be. They cuddle them, hold them, caress them, treat them so gently, like precious jewels. Some even slowly peel the labels off, others pull the label off in one motion. Even when they are not drinking from the bottle, just sitting, they seldom take their hands off their bottle. Yes a beer bottle is the life for me. Plus men will even fight when necessary for a beer.
Never fool with a man and his bottle of beer. Oh Yeah!!!
Oh, life would be so sweet
If I were a bicycle seat!
A toilet.
I’m always getting sh*t on.
Al Gore.
a medium sized rock in a cool mountain stream. over in Kohala. mmm yeah, sleep my life away.