Damn you, Cal! That’s what I wanted to post! (The whole story is here.)
Robin
I am trying to figure out exactly why this thread is making me sad. It has something to do with how we (as a society) seem to have just broken men. The idea that you are only as valuable as your income to your wife is not something that develops in a vacuum. It is some insidious cultural poison that we (all of us) seem to pick up.
So, some poor guy is in the process of being ruined economically and he needs to hear a female voice telling him that he is valuable and still a man and we want to call him weak for that think that this is reason for him to get therapy? I don’t know, the whole thing just bums me out.
Depends on why he was doing such a thing, I guess. If it were the reason mentioned in the article (“They couldn’t face their wives, who were bitching about the fact they lost income”), then yes, I’d be pretty upset (though at least partly at myself, assuming that my behavior really was part of the problem). I think it would indicate something deeply wrong with the relationship.
If he were, say, doing research for a book about prostitution? No problem.
The wives who are saying “He can just talk to me” are missing something here. There are things that most men won’t say to their wives, their friends, or anyone who has a stake in their lives. They need a disinterested party. That might be a therapist, but there is baggage in that as well.
I can totally see why men would do this, with or without the sex. Many men (I am a leaf on the wind, watch me generalize) use sex as a stress relief; in sex, those men find acceptance and belonging. Most men (again with the generalizations) have a hard time feeling good about their love life when their career is in shambles. Add to that the notion that many men don’t like to reveal vulnerabilities to their wives or family. You get that triple whammy of failing career, unhappy wife, no sex and no stress relief, you get a guy with a terrible sense of self-worth who needs someone to tell him it’ll be all right.
The wife? Well, if they’re having financial troubles, she’s likely to have nagging insecurities — most women like to feel safe. She’s likely to try to help her husband solve his problem, which does not help his self-esteem: he’s going to interpret that as “you don’t think I’m capable of doing it myself, you think I’m a bad provider, I’m a bad husband, you’re always telling me what to do.”
Yeah, none of this is particularly healthy. But I can see it happening, very easily.
The husband should confess his fears to his wife; chances are, she’ll comfort him, and by confessing his fears they’ll be closer than ever. She’ll get the connection with him she wants, and he’ll get the comfort he needs.
It probably doesn’t happen that way in some relationships, and that’s a damned shame. People are funny sometimes.
Same here.
I actually know more than my fair share of high end escorts. I don’t think any of them has been paid $3,000/hour just to stroke an ego. Don’t get me wrong, that is a huge part of the job for an escort of that price – pretending you give a fuck when a guy whines about his wife or his job – but the 40 percent cite in the OP sounds dubious. Perhaps they mean 40 percent of the whole date?
I get that some guys are stressed and in crap marriages and need their egos boosted, and obviously there are people willing to do this for them (for a price. Some guys get so caught up in the illusion that the escort cares they have a cute little Pretty Woman moment e.g. offering to ‘take her away from all of this’). But I cannot respect it. At least a therapist might offer constructive criticism.
And there are times when a man needs a blowjob AND a pep talk. Note the article didn’t say these “high class” call girls clients had NEVER had sex with them, ONLY discussion. Once someone becomes a repeat client, odds are they’re going to branch out from “wham bam, thank you ma’am.” To continue treating a woman, especially a “high class” one, as merely a prostitute, the fourth, or fifth time you’ve seen each other would be unnatural. Sometimes, especially in light of the warm fuzzy afterglow feelings, this branching out becomes a deeper relationship. Both parties start investing in each other a bit, the prostitute listens and provides support, the man opens up knowing she’ll keep it in confidence and doesn’t have a huge portion of her life invested in him and if it gets awkward he just walks away.
Enjoy,
Steven
Why on earth wouldn’t he get laid (or at least a handjob) if he was already paying the cash for a prostitute?
How bad with money can you be?! I’d probably sit him down to explain that bartenders, therapists and strippers will also listen to you bitch and probably for a lot less than you paid Trixie. :smack:
Then I’d sit myself down, ask me wtf I was doing with someone like this and promptly plan my escape.
That’s why God invented barkeepers, no? Much cheaper then a prostitute.
I agree with you - I hardly expect that my husband feels comfortable telling me everything. And I’m not sure I’d want him to. Wait, that came out wrong. What I mean is that, as his wife, I get that he probably won’t tell me if he wanted to tap some other girl’s ass (though I wouldn’t mind - I think certain girls are hot, too). Also, if I were the type to completely overreact to certain situations or if he had done something really stupid and knew I’d probably tell him so, I can understand maybe if he’d want to talk to someone else first and then tell me once he had his brain in order. Plus, having a heart to heart with a two-year old around is next to impossible and if he really needed to talk right then, I’d understand why he couldn’t with me.
But a prostitute, IMHO of course, has a lot more negative baggage than a therapist, and potentially in a very real, physical way. In other words, there’s no chance (or very little) that he’s going to put his dick in a therapist, while there’s a very good chance he will with a prostitute and then come home with an STD and give it to me. If he really doesn’t want to see a therapist, most insurance companies offer a free helpline (or free the first few times), so he could call from anywhere and talk to someone if he can’t talk to a friend. Even better, friends are totally free, with the exception of the occasional pizza, beer or needing to listen to them complain.
… who says I’d feel betrayed if my man went to a whore for sex?
Under certain circumstances (long term unavailability and health precautions), I wouldn’t.
If he needs someone to talk to, and the only way he can get it is by going to a call girl or calling a sex-line, then we have a real big problem. I can understand having things he can’t talk to me about, but… not to me, not to his friends, not to his family, his coworkers, the waiter at the place where he gets his coffee… anybody? Not without paying for it? I know psychologists whose understanding of human psychology isn’t particularly impressive (for example that one whose reaction to someone crying is a whiny “oh, darling, don’t cry!”), I know prostitutes have a reputation for being good at psychology, but damn, how bad off do things have to be that you can only talk to a whore?
I’d be about as befuddled if he told me the person on the tarot hotline was the only one he could talk to, mind you. It’s not betrayal, it’s incomprehension.
“Kierkegaard was right!”
Unquestionably true. But isn’t that why you get married?
But I have to agree with Binarydrone - it is kind of depressing to think about a situation where I couldn’t go to my primary emotional relationship both for sex and emotional support. And I don’t know which is the greater betrayal - “I can’t talk to you” vs. “you will only be my lover if I make enough money”.
Maybe that is an advantage to marrying when you are dirt poor. I know the Lovely and Talented Mrs. Shodan didn’t marry me for my money - I didn’t have any. And for the first few years of our marriage she made more money than I did. And never brought up as if it were important - not once.
Who the hell would want to talk to a hooker when you have someone like that at home?
Okay, I don’t make a million dollars a year. But I don’t have to pay a beautiful woman to talk to me, either. Or to go to bed with me, for that matter.
Regards,
Shodan