…as if they were having sex?
In this article it’s asserted that a fair portion of prostitute visits are effectively therapeutic confidence building non-sex interactions, where the call girl acts as some kind of pseudo therapist when a man under stress and having self doubts can’t (or doesn’t want to) face his unhappy wife and family.
Assuming you weren’t going to go broke if your SO did this would you feel as betrayed as if he was having physical sex?
It’s still deception.
Would I feel as betrayed if the visit was non-sexual? No, but it’s a small difference.
If he needs therapy, he can go to a licensed therapist. If he needs away time to put his head together, he can have that. But to go to a prostitute? That reeks of dishonesty and cowardice. The commitment of marriage means you deal with your problems within the marriage.
And if he feels he can’t bring these problems to his wife, then either he’s done something very wrong, or he married the wrong woman.
Not to mention being an extremely poor consumer.
Betrayed? No … confused and concerned, certainly.
Confusion of the general ‘Really? Are you sure?’ variety.
Concerned that my husband felt he had to pay someone to talk to him. Clearly that would indicate not just a failure in our relationship, but a failure in all of his relationships, that he could not discuss this stuff with his friends or family either. That would make me actively worried.
Read "The Whore of Mensa’ by Woody Allen
Excerpts:
http://www.clipmarks.com/clipmark/410252CF-0493-4169-93A1-2EA5A2F8C4CD/
“I walked in. They sat on the sides, riffling the pages of Penguin Classics seductively…”
“all I did was make them feel like they could go back out there with their head up.”
<snort>
I wouldn’t be nearly as upset as if they had sex, but I would feel betrayed. My hypothetical SO should be able to talk to me about anything.
I’d be sad that apparently my husband has no friends…
I think I’d be MORE upset that he was seeing someone for discussion than if he was seeing someone for sex.
Sex could just be a physical thing. Sure, I don’t want him to do it, but there’s at least a chance it was meaningless, it was a bad mistake, whatever.
“Discussion” on the other hand could easily be a mental bond.
Put it this way: I could deal with a one night stand much easier than I could deal with a long-term non-physical friendship with a woman I know he was attracted to. I know how his head works, that second one is much more a threat to our marriage than one night of sex.
My answer is similar to Athena’s.
I would feel more betrayed. My husband and I first slept together in college. We have, I feel, a good healthy sex life. I’m not as flexible as I was when we met, and have issues with chronic back pain which keeps me from eagerly participating at every opportunity that is presented.
If he sought a physical outlet I’d kinda understand it.
But I can sure as hell keep up my end of a conversation. If he strayed outside the marriage for that I’d be crushed.
I would feel that I had apparently married an imbecile, and that would make me feel very bad.
Hmm… so, if a married man visits a prostitute, he may as well have sex as not?
Color me surprised.
I would certainly feel betrayed for a variety of reasons, but, then, my husband and I have a differen approach to our financial status than the men and women being discussed in quoted given in the OP.
This about sums up my feeling. “We’re having financial difficulties, so I paid a floozy to listen to me bitch, and now I feel like a man again.” WTF?
It wouldn’t bother me at all, beyond being a little puzzling. I’m not the sun and the moon and as much as I’d like to be, I know I can’t be everything to my guy. Do I freak out when he talks to his friends?
I don’t know about “betrayed,” but I would feel like my SO was either an idiot or losing his mind.
Yeah right.
And Playboy magazine is bought for the interviews. And blank CD’s and DVD’s are bought with the purpose of copying 99 % non-copyrighted media on them.
I knew a prostitute. She told me that sure, men who had enough money to have a several hour tryst, did talk. But they talked afterwards, in that post-coital rosy glow of oxytocitine-induced feeling of bonding and trust. It is easy for both prostitute and john to prefer to remember that as the main aim of the meeting.
As for me, I’d be furiously angry. Mostly about the money, I guess. And he could have talked to me.
I’d be royally pissed whether or not they had sex. For one thing, how is a prostitute better than a licensed professional therapist? If he has a problem he can’t discuss with me and needs help, talking to. I someone you pay for sex isn’t the best way to approach fixing the issue. And lying about it further compounds the problem - of course I’m going to assume the worst, particularly because I trust my husband not to lie to me. If he proves unworthy of that trust, why should I believe him when he says he didn’t have sex with the prostitute?
I’ve got no problem with the prostitute herself - she’s just doing her job and wouldn’t have any idea whether he’s married or not (we don’t always wear wedding rings - he never got used to his and I take mine off to sleep and don’t always remember to put it back on). It’s my husband’s responsibility to know how to fix his problems and engage the right people if he can’t do it himself or I can’t help him.
“Honey, what are all these charges to ‘Heidi Fleiss’ on the MasterCard?”
“Oh, that’s just my therapist. BlueCross is covering that.”
“Okie dokie, now can we discuss the draperies for the dining room?”
I suppose the “therapy” part of this (per the article) is less analytical and more basic role playing with the prostitute providing emotional sustenance by boosting his ego and telling him how strong, great, effective. etc… he is.
Men in high stress occupations often live on an emotional razors edge, and their SO frequently fails to realize how vital self confidence is to be able to perform occupationally. The man doesn’t want to admit weakness or doubt to his wife and (to be frank) many wives would think less of their husbands if they admitted the depth of their emotional need and self doubt.
There are times where a man needs a pep talk more than a blow job.