My dalmatian would say “cookie, cookie, cookie, cookie” - she loves her doggie cookies.
My border collie has a look that says “So, what’s the deal?” - she’s kinda mellow and just goes with the flow.
HyperKitty would say (translated to humanese):
good morning feed me feed me feed me. pet me pet me pet me mmmmmm that feels good okay that’s enough <CHOMP!>. you can leave I’m going to take a little nap while you hey what’s that a dust speck woohoo better chase it down the hall. are you home already you didn’t feed me this morning. you know I want the canned food. I’ll just take the food out of the bowl and drop it on the floor and eat it from there. HORK oops a hairball oh another playtoy better hide this one under the couch I need to sharpen my nails this oriental carpet looks much better now that I have pulled out most of the threads. pet me pet me pet me. oh my gawd there goes another dust speck better hunt it down and chase it throughout the house. hey don’t step on me, you should know better than to walk when I am rubbing against your legs. by the way I missed the litter box. did you put more food in my bowl. I want more now. no don’t play with the bird, you are supposed to play with me. fine I will just chew on this plastic bag to annoy you. a cardboard box better examine it. okay I have finished my nap in the box I will just take another nap on the computer desk while you are trying to type. gave up? oh you are reading a book let me help you keep the pages warm. oohhhhh there’s that dust speck again better tear acroos the house in another wild fury. hey you are in the shower I will sit on the toilet tank and watch you. scratch my tummy and now my back okay that’s enough you may leave me alone. are you going to sleep now, whoops time for my aerobics class. and run and leap and run and leap and run and now I will settle down to sleep and roll over and push you to the very edge of the bed.
prrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
Daisy, the golden retreiver, would say all day long, “Wouldn’t it be FUN to throw/keep throwing a ball for me?”
Alternative is, “Don’t stop. Keep scratching.”
Walking around with a dirty sock in her mouth, “Aren’t you proud of me.”
And, at about 9 p.m., “Can we go to bed already?”
That was great! You’ve summarized most cats very nicely…
Milhouse, the cat: Hey, follow me downstairs and we’ll check the food dish. No, I’m pretty sure it’s not full already. No, really, I still think we should go check it out together.
Cookie the cat: AAH! WHat was that! Is it coming towards me? FLEE! FLEE! AAH! OH THE HUMANITY! Oh… it’s just the guy who feeds me. I guess that’s alrighAAH! what was that?!
Cashew, the soon to be fixed cat: Did that just move? I wonder if it will have sex with me? What was that noise? When I find out, I’ll see if it’ll have sex with me…
KiKi the Chinchilla: Gotta poop. Gotta poop. Gotta Poop. I’m sleepy. Maybe I’ll take a nap after I poop.
Cleo and Ozzy, the turtles: I should go in the water. I should get out of the water. I should go eat. (repeat)
Pockets the Tortoise: There’s gotta be more food around here somewhere. Maybe if I just wander all night I’ll find it. Hmm… An impassable object… Well, my stumpy legs should have no problem with it! I’ll just struggle with it for 1/2 an hour…
The Tartantula : I think I’ll just sit motionless here for 6 straight weeks, or until a cricket walks over me…whichever comes first…
Max the Dog: Is that food you have? It sure looks like food. I like food! Are you going to make someything to eat? I’d like something to eat! Are you gonna eat that? Are you gonna finish that? Uh Oh! Gotta pee!
The 2 nameless crabs: Proximity alert! Hide! Hide! Hmm… These stones don’t look right here… I’ll just rearrange them. There, that’s better!
Blaze the wonder dog:
You’re home! You’re home! Hello! Hello! Pet me. Pet me. Pet me! Now. Ok, now. I’ll get on the bed and show her my belly. Scratch my tummy! Now! Aah, yes, more, more, more! Where are you going? The kitchen? Are you gonna cook? Yes, yes! Drop something on the floor, mommy! Yes, potato peels. Mmmm, my favorite! What’s that? Cauliflower? Hmm, does it taste good? Yuk! Phhooey! Hey, you’re not paying attention to me! So what if you’re cooking! I’ll jump up on your butt! Now I lie down, show my belly… what’s with the foot to belly scratch. Aah, off to the couch. Show my belly some more. Pet me! Pet me! Scratch my belly. Aah, yes. Oh, good you’re lying down. I’ll squirm up between your legs and lay on your chest. Lick, lick, lick. Why are you pushing my face away? I love you so much. Ok, I’ll lie down. Now pet me!
(Repeat ad nauseum.)
He’s a sweet little spoiled pup. He likes to gnaw gently on my husband’s feet under the table. He calls him the “carpet shark”!
I didn’t do it, I swear.
I think our dog (a Westie) would have a lot to say, but some of its more common expressions would be…“I’m hungry.” “I’m sleepy.” “I have to go outside.” “Did you say walk/out/car/trip/mail? (tail wagging)” “Did you say bath/kennel/groomer/vet? (look of fear)” “Move over! There’s not enough room in the bed for me.” “Is that the fridge door opening?” “Are those grocery bags?” “What just fell on the floor? Guess I’ll have to eat it to find out.” “Can I sit in your lap while you watch TV?” “Can I sit on your lap while you eat dinner? Say, that food looks good…” “Don’t mind me, I’m just going to look out the window. HEY! SQUIRREL!” “You’re not going to believe this, but I just went out to play with that black and white cat and it turned around and sprayed me.” “I’m restless. I’m going to run madly around the house for no apparent reason.” “Where’s Greg gone? Is he under the bed? How can you talk to him when he’s not here?” “I’m going to bed and I won’t be back for another 12 hours.” “You’re the greatest hunter in the world. Every week you go out and bring back dead cow, pig and chicken.” “I’M GOING TO THROW UP! I’M GOING TO THROW UP! Whoops, too late.”
Among other things, of course.
Our cat does talk. We talk for her.
Er, okay, it’s infantile, but we find it amusing.
Mainly she says, “Ahem, food dith!” (she has a lisp) and “For the love of God, Poddy, if thomebody doesn’t clean that boxth I’m going to thtart making pooties on the floor.” Plus, she talks smack about us “thtoopid monkeys.”
My two dogs - Coco the Mutt and Tigger the Fox Terrier
Coco: You’re HOME! I missed you! ImissedyouImissedyouImissedyou! Can I jump on you? Please just a litle?
Tigger: Huh? Ron’s home? Hey I missed you too! Can I lick your fingers, you don’t mind do you?
Coco: Fuck off, rat dog I saw him first.
Tigger: Don’t tell me to fuck off, you old bitch!
Coco: Old bitch?! Why you little . . . Ron, let go of me! Let me at her, let me at her!
Tigger: Aw, I was just playing.
Coco: Yeah, me too.
Tigger: So what’s to eat?
Coco: I don’t know. I saw some interesting looking stuff growing in the back yard yesterday . . .
Before we got Tigger, Coco would have said:
“You’re HOME! Where’s the ball? We gonna play with the ball? I’ll get the ball. Look I got the ball, can we play with the ball now? Come on, throw the ball! Throw the ball throw the ball throw the ball throw the ball THROW THE BALL THROW THE BALL THROW THE FUCKING BALL! YAY! You threw the ball! I’m going to get the ball now! I’ve got the ball! I - hey, what’s this, can I eat it?”
I’ve always suspected that Coco suffers from some canine form of ADD.
My lab would say:
“I wonder if there are any rodents in the backyard I could kill for you. I know you must be hungry; you haven’t eaten in thirty minutes now. Why don’t we go out back and look for a squirrel/possum/raccoon/bird and I could kill it for you. Or you could throw the ball for me. Or you could throw the ball for me and then I could kill something for you. Aren’t you hungry?”
After years of study and extensive research, I’ve managed to divine a few nuggets of knowledge about what animals say…
(Ok this is just another crackpot Dogzilla theory… I’m full of 'em because I have very little actual knowledge of facts, or anything useful or relevant.)
What puppies say: What’s that? What’s that? Ooops! Gotta Pee! What’s that? What’s that? Can I taste it? What’s it taste like? Ooops! Gotta pee… (repeat until puppy passes out from exhaustion.)
What grownup dogs say: Ya gonna eat all that? (fluffs fur to look cuter) Still gonna eat all that?
What cats say: NOW! NOW! Feed me NOW! Pet me NOW! Turn the water on in the sink NOW! Let me out NOW! (It’s not “meow,” contrary to popular belief, although it does sound that way to human ears.) Kill the dog NOW!
What Dogzillas say: Dope-di-doh…
My cat, Mischief:
If the food dish is empty: “Feed me or I’ll rip your hand to shreds the next time you try to pet me.”
After you fill the dish: “Hey, cool, food. Gonna go nap now.”
When she’s actually hungry: “Do you really expect me to eat that again? I just ate that yesterday! Don’t you have any different food in the house? What about that stuff with the heart in it that you saw in Europe? I’d like that!”
And then of course, there’s the cat-ubiquitious: “You’re allergic to cats? Wow, you’re my best friend!”
What my German Shepherd would say:
“FRISBEE! NOW!! WE HAVE TO GO OUTSIDE AND THROW THE FRISBEE NOW! 347 TIMES!!! NO, YOU CAN’T HAVE THE FRISBEE BACK! YOU HAVE TO CHASE ME TO GET IT!”
What my Pharaoh Hound would say:
“A squeaky toy! I MUST get the squeaky thing out I MUST get the squeaky thing out I MUST get the squeaky thing out I MUST get the squeaky thing out I MUST get the squeaky thing out I MUST get the squeaky thing out I MUST get the squeaky thing out I MUST get the squeaky thing out”
He will not stop. And he gets it out within a few minutes to hours, depending on the toy.
Well, this week at least, both cats would say:
“Hey, you with the opposable thumbs! Clean the damn litterbox already!”
They have to tell me that entirely too often.
Good thing they’re forgiving critters!
“I want out!”
“Let me in!”
“Let me out!”
“Let me in!”
My cat has destinctive meows that mean something:
The mrrrow that just says “hello”
MEOW: This is said when she is bird watching and I talk to her she says “SHUT THE &*^%# UP I AM BUSY HERE”
The one that says “I have entered a room, acknowledge me”
There is the “You pushed me off the couch, I don’t care if you are all the way across the room” this is accompanied by the evil eye
“Fancy Feast, NOW!!!”
“Where are you?”
“I will put my butt in your face, you ignored me”
“God, my ass is delicious.”
“I don’t care if you DID put peanut butter there, I’m still not going near it!!”
Your pets would say this too, right guys? Guys?.. Anyone?
::sk8 cries::
ROTFLMFAO!!!
I like the Gary Larson cartoon with the scientist who invents a dog-to-human translator. It turns out all the dogs are saying “Hey!” That seems closest to reality.
I feel certain that if I built a cat-to-human translator my cats would STILL be saying “Meow”.