I love my best friend to death, and she’s put on a lot of weight (moving from slightly overweight to definitely obese) in the thirteen years I’ve known her. I don’t bring it up because I know she knows that and she acknowledges the fact that she’s heavy, but we both know she’d be healthier if she lost weight now, before we’re middle-aged and it gets even harder. She seems to have a defeatist attitude towards weight loss, though, saying things like she won’t live long enough to be a burden on the health care system when we’re elderly. I hate hearing things like that, because I want us to be like the little old women we saw still going to see horror movies together in their 70s.
I enjoy the dance dance revolution games quite a bit, and I know people who have lost a lot of weight playing the game. It’s a lot more fun to play it than most exercise machines I’ve tried, as evidence by the fact that I actually play it instead of let it grow cobwebs like my exercise bike; I’ll probably have to buy a new pad soon since my current one is wearing out, actually. I think it’s possible that my friend might like to play it too. But…
If you’re overweight, would you be insulted if a friend bought you a christmas gift that’s clearly exercise related? What if the slimmer friend used it herself, and told you that it was fun and this is her favorite version of the game, rather than emphasized the fact that people play it to lose weight? Obviously most people would realize that encouraging exercise is part of the intent of the gift besides the fact that it’s fun, but does how it’s presented affect whether or not it feels insulting?
If I got a Wii Fit, I’d be insulted. However, DDR doesn’t even really strike me as being a fitness-related game. I mean, I know that’s one of the side effects of playing it a lot, but I just think of it as a fun game. If you decide to get it, I wouldn’t even mention the fitness/weight loss aspect, no.
When you give a gift, it’s supposed to be something the recipient would appreciate or enjoy. It sounds like you want to use this gift as a tool to get her to do something that she, for whatever reason, is as of yet unwilling or unable to do. That’s a bit jerkish, IMO. Sort of like getting your mom a vacuum cleaner for Christmas.
Save the money for the game, buy yourself a big steamy mug of MYOB instead. You are not the boss of your friend, and her weight is her business.
Only way you could get away with something like this without looking like a total ass would be if you casually happened to be playing the game when she comes over, you show it to her, play it with her, and she expresses interest/enjoyment. Even so, you’d still be a manipulative little minx, and subject to Oak’s Disapproval.
Have you thought of giving this most awesome DDR to your thinner friends – just because you thought they might enjoy it, even though they’ve never expressed an interest in it?
I doubt it.
So mention it next time you see her. If she says, “That sounds like fun.” then go ahead and give it to her… with the full knowledge that it might very well end up with cobwebs growing on it.
It depends. For me, I’m fat, but not sensitive about it— many folks are fat and very, very, VERY sensitive about it. Because we don’t know your friend, we can’t say what her reaction would be.
I’d think it was cool, but again, I’m not at all sensitive or insecure about my body. I suppose I’m thinking of it like this: I’ve been wanting to do yoga to lose some weight, but the yoga studio here locally is costly. If someone shelled out the money to get me a one month pass, I wouldn’t be offended at all. At the same time, I have expressed interest in doing that activity, so it wouldn’t be totally out of left field. Does she talk about wanting to do DDR at all?
Why don’t you just ask her? If you guys are that close, mention that you found this awesome game to play. And that you don’t want her to feel insulted, and that it would be another fun thing to do together.
If she brings up her weight, then you can too - best friends love, trust and listen to each other.
I think DDR is a harmless idea. Even though some people do play it for weight loss, it’s something that someone might play just for the fun of it too. Don’t mention the weight loss aspect of it all. If you just focus on the fact that it’s something you enjoy and that you thought it might be fun to play it together, I doubt she would take it as an insult.
I’d modify this somewhat. Ask your friend over to play a few games. If she loves it, tell her that you’d like to get her this game for a gift.
However, you should realize that not everyone loves these games. From what I understand, DDR and similar games require the player to have lightning fast reflexes on some levels. I LOVE video games, but I use my Cardio Cruiser for exercise, precisely because I no longer have those reflexes. I’m getting rid of some games, in fact, because they require me to be able to make precise shots or jumps, and I just can’t do that any more.
As for gym memberships…most gyms that I know of require at least a year’s membership, or a significantly higher fee. And some gyms are NOT size friendly. Each gym that I’ve been to has had pools that are very hard to get into or out of. At the same time, the hot tubs were very easy to get into and out of, so it’s not a question of my ability to get into or out of the pool, it’s a design flaw in the pools. Some people, no matter what their size, are not comfortable about going to the gym, either.
I’d be pissed, but that’s because I already have a copy.
Seriously, don’t do it unless she expresses an interest. Giving someone a gift that’s really a criticism in disguise is an insulting and cruel thing to do. (Which is why those are always some of the most sad and hilarious examples in “bad gift” threads.)
elfkin, you made the tragic mistake about asking a question about weight on the SDMB. While some responses are surprisingly supportive/on target, do know that the majority will echo Oakminster’s absurd sensitivity and flat-out rudeness.
Well, getting someone a vacuum cleaner if you think they’re a shitty housekeeper or a gift certificate to a plastic surgeon if you think they have an ugly nose would be equally, if not more insulting.
Well, I’m like Diosa. I wouldn’t mind and would use it. OTOH I also walk/jog 3 miles a day. Probably quite a few other folks would be offended.
ETA: of course, I DID get my MIL a book on housekeeping and a home organization binder! So probably I have no tact anyway. But she knows quite well that I struggle with clutter and housekeeping myself (cite: my numerous posts on SDMB Slob Reform threads) and we had frequently sympathized with each other over our struggles. So I billed it as “here’s what helped me most.” I don’t think she was offended; she hasn’t got a tactful bone in her body anyway. But their housekeeping has only gotten worse, so don’t expect a DDR game to fix anything.
I wouldn’t go there. She can buy it herself if she really wants it. I assume she has an income and means to go to Target. And if it’s not something she’s said that she wants, or matches up with any other interests … then it’s kinda like buying her medicine as a gift, it’s just a tool to fix her weight problem, and you highlighting that you think it needs to be fixed.
Along the lines of the gym membership, it would work better if you were to ask her to join you in some activity that you both would enjoy. And it would have to be something you want to do too, so it doesn’t feel like a chore and so you want to keep at it. Basically try bring more active stuff into the friendship. Even lightly active stuff like walking around the park or the mall.
Give it to them? Probably not - I don’t exchange gifts with too many (unrelated) people. I do recommend it, though, when people bitch about feeling cooped up during the winter.
I agree that it’s not the best idea to stealth-slim her. At best she might use it for a few days, at worst you’ll lose a friend. Her decision to lose weight must be her own decision, fully owned by her, fully embraced by her. Otherwise it’s just not going to happen. You can’t lose someone’s excess weight for them.
Yeah, this is a good idea. Something like, “Hey, I found these awesome belly dancing/ pole dancing/ whatever classes and they looked like fun! Thought we could do it together!” Then pay her way to that. I mean, assuming you’re both chicks. I’d be a little weirded out if a guy friend invited me to pole dancing with him.
