A Short History of the Thread So Far:
[QUOTE=Rilchiam]
AuntiePam: Yes, he asks; he does not tell.
[/QUOTE]
Actually, in the OP, he was “demanding” – “demanding perfection.” The only thing he was “asking” was why the OP’s housekeeping, with the dusting not done and the filling of the humidifier left so late, was so inadequate. In the OP’s second post, he wasn’t “asking” or “telling” either – he was “picking on” and “accusing.” That’s also when the OP announced she was going to work for her husband’s business.
As the thread continued, the OP received pretty much nothing but support and advice for her, and (actually, pretty mild) censure for her husband. Then came post #20, the long, weird one, with its “defense” of the OP’s husband that, in a reversal of Marc Antony, managed to bury its subject while claiming to praise it. This was the post that led some to suspect an abusive relationship (on account of the propensity of abused women to condemn, then defend, their abusers), and some to think of other explanations – because, at this point, an explanation was sorely needed.
In post #35, the OP rebuked any posters who questioned her husband or their marriage. At this point, her husband is a great guy, always thoughtful and considerate, and the purpose of the whole thread, for those of us too dense to understand, was limited to how to resolve that single night’s argument (after the Mister had gotten his night’s rest, gotten up, and finished his workout the next morning, provided she’d finished looking though the boxes in the crawl space for his ab-roller), not to comment on anything else she may have said about the relationship. Besides (and here begins a theme that continues through the thread up to date), this was an isolated, one-time occurence. Which was quite a jar but a refreshing change after her initial posts, when she was worried that he was “turning into one of those husbands” and that he was starting to do “what her mom used to do,” which was (apparently) anything but a one-time thing.
Then in posts 44-45, she again elaborates on what a wonderful husband she has, berates those who have in good faith offered advice, and finally enlightens us on the sort of response she deems appropriate: “cautious reassurance,” defined basically as asking for all the disclaimers she started supplying after her first few posts.
At this point, the OP is attacking the SDMB for supporting her OP the wrong way, by failing to take into account the things she hadn’t said contradicting the things she had said, or, alternatively, for noticing the contradictions at all. Then there was another round of posts, this time including a little bit of the requested enabling. And here we are.
So, what kind of response would have satisfied the OP? I’m guessing it would have looked like this:
[QUOTE=Ideal Response]
Look. He tells you he loves you a lot. And it’s not like this is an everyday occurence. And sometimes he gives you compliments, like the other day when he called you a domestic goddess just for mending his jacket. And don’t forget he apologized – right before he got aggravated when he thought you lost his ab roller when you put away the boxes in the crawl space for him, even though you hadn’t. You told him, after waiting for him to finish his workout, and later he apologized for that too! And I know you make his lunch for him, but don’t get pissy about his not bringing his Tupperware in so you can clean it – trust me, that’s not the hill you want to die on. Hey, he’s even offering you the opportunity to better yourself by working for him as an employee! Look, the important thing is for him not to have a problem with the way you do housework. So, just do whatever he wants.
[/QUOTE]
What excuse do I have for positing such an insensitive response and suggesting the OP would approve? Only that she wrote it herself.
[QUOTE=Rilchiam]
Everyone else: Think what you like. I’ve learned my lesson: never post about my personal life again.
[/QUOTE]
Look, Rilchiam. I’ve said a couple of times, everybody in this thread is all for you, including me, and if you’re still not happy, that’s a different problem than the one you say you’re trying to solve. It’s not so much our “thinking what we like”, it’s trying to keep up with what you’re saying. Posting about your personal life is always a chancy business, but it’s especially so when the narrative is neither consistent nor coherent. Hell, at this point, not only might I buy your husband a beer, but I’m developing a sneaking sympathy for your Mom, too. And if the lesson you take away from this is to never post about your personal life, well, I’d say that’s a little extreme: maybe starting a thread complaining about your husband when he can’t defend himself, and then turning on your supporters because they don’t defend him either, is the only thing you really need to quit. However, your plan is preferable to this mess, just as your eventual solution will (I hope) be better for you than “I’ll do whatever you want.”
One last time, best wishes and good luck.
