I'll do whatever you want.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Mr. Rilch should be happy about my new cleaning regimen, right? Right. He’s so happy, he’s now demanding perfection.

“Why didn’t you fill the humidifier?”

“I just did.”

“Yeah, but why did you wait until I was going to bed to do it?”

“I always have before. I want you to have a full tank to last you through the night.”

“Yeah, but why couldn’t you have done it earlier?”

“I did two loads of laundry today.”

“And?”

“And I redd up downstairs.”

“You didn’t dust downstairs.”

“Okay, so I didn’t. I DID do that editing for you, like you wanted. That took a lot of time.”

“Just scratch my head.”

“…”

“Oh, now you’re going to sulk. Look, I don’t need this drama right before I go to bed. Good night.”

Whatever. He can have it his way. I’ll keep the humidifier full at all times, I’ll dust every single day, and then he’ll add more and more tasks that I’m an ungrateful bitch if I don’t do them. I KNOW his job is taxing. I tell him every single day how much I appreciate his doing it. I also make his lunch for him every day, and breakfast if he wants it, and whatever editing jobs he asks me to do. And I’m always a good hostess to business associates; he’s even said so.

But this is a real sucker punch. I never thought he’d turn into one of Those husbands: the kind who go ballistic if the house is not Just So. And if I get sad because he’s upset with me, he gets more mad? I never should have started the cleaning regimen; I set the bar too high for myself. I should be like Calvin: make it so they’re happy when you fulfill the least of your obligations.

2

I think you forgot his blowjob.

3

Unless there is an endless supply of money coming from his work he needs to calm down and learn to say thank you. He is probably thinking something like, “Why the hell shouldn’t you do it? You don’t work so what else do you have to do with your time?” It’s crap, I know, but sometimes people forget how hard it is to keep a house. This would be a good time for one of those zany, I Love Lucy schemes where he has to stay home all day and you go work in a chocolate factory for a while. This is all assuming you don’t work or go to school though. If you do work or go to school he can learn how to carefully remove a humidifier from his colon because your commitments are just as important as his.

4

I don’t have a problem keeping the house. If the humidifier is that important, I will keep it filled at all times. Likewise, dusting, and whatever else he comes up with. It’s important, and I know it’s important. No complaints there.

It’s the attitude that bugs. It’s just what my mom used to do when she was going to college and I was housekeeping after school. She’d come home with a shitty attitude, ignore everything good that I did, pick on me for one tiny transgression like not filling the ice trays, and then accuse me of not being “pleasant”. And now he’s doing the same thing. Not filling the humidifier is like I ruined something, and when I understandably react to his accusation, he further accuses me of being a drag to be around.

Oh, and I’ll be working for him soon. I’m learning to use the equipment, and as soon as there’s a need for me to do so, I’ll be on the payroll. (Long story; don’t ask.)

5

He sounds like me… in other words, a royal asshole.

I say, stand your ground, kick his ass, don’t let yourself be run over like that.
In other words, tell him what you typed here. You are a human being, allowed to get mad?

If he’s really like me, he’ll just get mad. Then you’ll know that he’s really asking too much.
p.s. my first post was obviously a joke.

6

I honestly thought reading the OP that your husband was an invalid (given the stuff about the humidifier and dust, I was thinking respiratory problems). I was pretty surprised when I got to the bit about him working!

7

This should work out just fine. He’s already so gracious and generous with respect to all you do for free, that a formal business relationship is bound to be easygoing and free of strife.

The title of your thread isn’t even a very good basis for a personal relationship, much less an employment contract. I hope you didn’t mean it literally.

Best of luck.

8

Holy crap. I’ll typically glare at my husband if we’re both sitting on the couch and he asks me to go get him something. Mind you, half the time I’ll do it anyway after he realizes that no, his legs are not broken and thus it doesn’t make any sense for me to go “fetch” him something he wants, and he gets the guilty look and says “oops,” but that’s only because he realizes he’s being not-entirely-reasonable.

9

Wow. This is how it would go in my house:

“Why didn’t you fill the humidifier?”

“I just did.”

“Yeah, but why did you wait until I was going to bed to do it?”

“Go fuck yourself.”

This is why (a) I’m not married and (b) will probably never get married.

He’s being unreasonable and you need to stand up for yourself. You’re his wife, not a servant.

10

If I were the OP, I’d seriously consider having him take a few days off work if he could, and he could fulfill my role as housespouse. I mean it, make him do a few days of all your regular, daily duties, and no shortcuts! Also, he has to meet the standards he set for you, and the standards you’ve set for yourself. Let him walk in your shoes. Make him do as much as you do in a day, with as few breaks as you get. See if he has an epiphany afterwards. Either that, or go on strike, and don’t resume keeping house until he admits he was taking you for granted and shows he’s truly sorry and will be vigilant to not do it again. Don’t let him treat you like that Rilchiam, it’s not right and can only lead to a lot of resentment and a sundering from both sides. This needs to be remedied. Good luck.

11

I missed the part which explained why you are an indentured servant. :dubious:

12

he needs the “look” and a cheerful yet snappity comeback that lets him know that you know that he is becoming overbearing, arrogant, selfcentered and prickly.

do not say get off my back or go fuck yourself,

crack a joke, tell him he’s lucky you dont fill with it vinegar, spit in your palm and blow on it ask him" hydrated now honey?"

ask is that all my lordship (up yours buster)then turn on your heal and leave the room, put a heavy foot in it if you want.

:stuck_out_tongue:

he’ll get the message, but take of his quirks as long as they are few, and give plenty of space after work. Esp for yourself after you start working for him :eek:

:wink:

13

We have a rule in this house.

If you don’t do it yourself, you can’t complain.

If it’s that important to you, do it yourself.

Simplifies things.

14

I know you aren’t asking for advice, but you might want to seriousely reconsider this one. Given how he treats you as a life partner, why would you think he’d treat you any better as an employee?

In the Sin household, MrSin would be going to bed soaking wet on the couch after the humidifier exhange.

15

That kind of exchange about the humidifier would earn ‘im indoors a very scathing look. As far as I’m concerned, he’s fit and active. That means he’s as able as I am to do stuff like that and if he wants it done before I’m ready to do it (whatever it is), he can blummin’ well do it himself.

16

And in Casa DeVena it would have gone…

“Why didn’t you fill the humidifier?”

“I just did.”

“Yeah, but why did you wait until I was going to bed to do it?”

“Because you would have complained about running dry by morning if I didn’t. You’re lucky I filled it at all.”

“But you could have done it earlier…”

“Fine. Since I obviously lack the Y chromosone needed to do it properly, do it yourself next time. And pick up your socks!”

17

In my household, that conversation would have gone as follows:

“Why didn’t you fill the humidifier?”

“I just did.”

“Yeah, but why did you wait until I was going to bed to do it?”

/long, incredulous look

“You’re kidding, right?”

If it turns out he was not actually kidding, “What the fuck is wrong with you? I do something nice for you, and all you can do is bitch about how I did it? Really? No more favors for you then Mister Man. People who don’t appreciate favors don’t deserve them.”

Being in charge of the housework is not the same as being an indentured servant. If the house is clean to your satisfaction (assuming your standards of cleanliness are reasonable), and he doesn’t feel like he should assist you with the cleansing, it behooves him to keep his yap shut about minor details - or do tend them himself.

18

I just want to say how much I appreciate hearing this little phrase. Everyone around me speaks Southern, and I miss those little touches of home.

19

I hope, Rilchiam, that this isn’t a normal sort of conversation for your marriage? Or that you’re exaggerating for effect? :frowning:

The first part is actually a fairly familiar conversation in my house. I love him dearly, but his mother (disclaimer - whom I like very much, and talk on the phone with more often than my own) is the sort of woman who is constantly cleaning. She comes to visit and ends up cleaning our windows. I, on the other hand, try to keep things picked up, but I’m not bothered by an unvaccumed carpet unless there’s fur coating the entire thing. In other words, he prefers things about 25% cleaner than I do. This has been the single largest source of strife in our marriage.

However, over the years we’ve managed to compromise into a pretty good spot. I do a little more housework than I’d do on my own recognizance. He lets some stuff slide that he would prefer not to. And, lest I make it sound like he expects me to do it all for him, he does a substantial portion of the housework and cooking himself (at least 50%).

We’re still prone to having the same old argument if one or the other of us is tired and/or grumpy, so it’s not perfect. But it’s tons better.

But your post… if it’s an accurate picture of the conversation, I’d have been furious. Maybe you should sit down with him and have a conversation about expectations. It won’t be fun, but neither is doing this all the time.

20

Okay, he’s off to work now. Interesting morning. First of all, when he woke up, he apologized for being ally (Sean, just so you know, these are Pittsburghisms, not Southernisms!) the night before. I figured that was the end of it, but then when he went downstairs to do his workout, he got aggravated again.

Last Saturday, he’d asked me to put some boxes and junk in the crawl space, which I had done. Now he couldn’t find his ab roller, and why didn’t I think of that (WTF?) and so forth. I cleared out all the boxes, and whaddya know, the ab roller hadn’t been blocked by them in the first place.

So I went upstairs, and when he’d finished his workout, I told him, paraphrased, “You know I would never do anything to make your life difficult. Whose fault it is that the boxes were in the crawl space is not important. Look at it like work: what’s important is the objective. You need the ab roller, you can’t find the ab roller, you ask me if I know where the ab roller is, and I find it for you, or at least help you find it. But don’t. Be like. My mom.”

And he agreed that what he’d done was not right! Thank Og. And before he left, he did thank me for making his lunch. Then he called me from the car, and it turns out, things have been hairy at work. New policies have been implemented, and they cannot be negotiated (don’t ask). Plus, it’s California-cold right now*, and where he works is not heated because it can’t be. But he said again that he shouldn’t be taking it out on me, who makes so much effort for him.

See, the thing is, this was so out of nowhere! Tuesday night, he called me a domestic goddess after I mended his jacket for him. And last night, he and I and a friend were watching AI and Lost, and being all jovial and making plans for my birthday (tomorrow, but we’re observing it on Saturday), so I honestly didn’t have any warning. I knew it had to be something other than me, though, and he’s not one of those guys who keeps everything bottled up; I knew he’d tell me eventually.

King of Soup and sinjin: I’m not worried about that. He wants me to do this work as much for myself as for him. He talked a lot about wanting me to better myself, and not wanting me to feel left out, or dissed by them bringing in an outside person. Plus, he and his partner have a certain level of disrespect for a former client who pushes his wife around shamefully, so I hardly think he’d do the same thing.

Zabali, that’s where his side of it comes in. Last year, there was a period in which I was working and he was not. During that time, he threw himself into housework with great zeal, and did well at it. (He actually enjoys dusting. Takes all kinds!) Then, when my job came to an end and he started this one, he was dismayed that although I was keeping house, I was doing it rather as the mood struck me, not as diligently as he had been. It wasn’t until New Years’ that I made my resolution to really devote myself to housespousing. So he does know how hard it is, or rather, how hard it isn’t, and until last night, he was more than pleased with my new dedication. Which, again, is why I was so taken aback. (He was also ticked that I didn’t clean out the humidifier. But to be fair, it really was pretty gross in there.)

All others: It’s just really dry around here, and the tank can run dry in a matter of hours. I’ll just have to add checking on it to my daily chores. I did, however, have a few choice words with him about how I could have chosen to get pissy about his failure to bring the Tupperware containers, that I use for his lunch, back into the house, so I can wash and reuse them, as opposed to leaving them in the car or at work, but I didn’t want to be the nagging control freak…

That’s what it really came down to. I didn’t think the Tupperware containers were the hill I wanted to die on. He did not think the same about the humidifier. I took a lot of crap from my mom, because she was an adult and I was a kid, and adults were always right :rolleyes: but I’ve made it clear that I am not going to take that from him. That always works, because he knows what my mom is like, and he’ll do anything to avoid comparison with her.

ETA: Risha, no, it’s not typical. That’s why I worded my OP as I did. He’s never been the 1950s husband, demanding perfection, and for a while, I was at a loss to know what made him say what he did. I was hoping it was something else, and fortunately, it was. Because as I also said to him, I couldn’t be more concerned for his needs without neglecting my own. Fortunately, he does seem to understand that.

*And as I said in another thread, I know those of you in other parts of the country are laughing with chapped lips at that. I know you have it worse than we do, believe me. But it’s a matter of what the market will bear, and right now, Angelenos are finding this hard to bear!