I’m in human resources, and diversity, equity, and inclusion is currently one of the hot topics in my line of work. According to the Society for Human Resource Management, DEI “deals with the qualities, experiences and work styles that make individuals unique (e.g., age, race, religion, disabilities, ethnicity) as well as how organizations can leverage those qualities in support of business objectives.” And now that I’ve read that sentence, I’m starting to understand why people don’t like HR.
As part of our DEI efforts at work, we’ve been told to avoid saying anything of a religious nature to employees in response to bad news (like the tornado that tore through town a few days ago). i.e. We shouldn’t say anything like, “I’ll pray for you” or “You’ll be in my prayers.” This doesn’t personally affect me because I’m an atheist and the closest I might get is “bless you” when someone sneezes. Maybe I need to rethink that?
I’m of two minds about this. I guess I could see why some people might not like to hear someone tell them they’ll pray for them. Me personally, I don’t care. If you tell me you’re going to pray for me I’m going to take it in the same spirit as you telling me “good luck” or “I’m sorry.” You could tell me you’ll pray to Apollo and Aesclepius that my gout goes away and I’ll be perfectly comfortable with that. But apparently some people are either offended or management is going overboard to make sure nobody is offended.
On the flip side, part of DEI is to ensure employees are comfortable bringing their genuine selves to work. Some people are religious, and that’s going to bubble up in conversation from time-to-time. Telling religious people they can’t ever tell someone they’ll pray for them might make them feel as though they have to hide part of themselves at work.
Is anyone offended when someone says they’ll pray for you? Should employees avoid such language when possible?
There are two possibilities. Someone, lik you, might be upset that can’t say they’ll pray for someone. Others might be upset to hear this. Presumably telling someone you’ll pray for them is to make them feel better. Therefore I think we should err on the side of not saying this to prevent the anguished from feeling more.
Talking about religion (or politics, sex, etc.) at work is, in general, best avoided. Of course, if you are talking to a friend you should already have some idea of what kinds of things might offend him or her.
Offended is a strong word. But it isn’t welcomed. Even in this thread it sounds like people say it to make themselves feel better and not those they’re praying for.
I dislike it because it’s a passive aggressive way to co-opt my agreement that praying is a legitimate, useful action to take in difficult situations. As a non-believer, nothing could be further from my reality.
I can’t say I’m offended, though. It’s not the most offensive thing I’m likely to encounter regularly. My typical response these days is to simply offer a big smile and say, “Knock yourself out!”
Agreed. If your intention is to offer comfort and you don’t know how your words will be received, then don’t say them. It’s a general rule and not specific to religion or prayer.
To answer the question in the OP: I’m an atheist and I don’t mind if someone says that to me to offer comfort. I might be offended if it was offered as a rebuke, but probably not.
I’m curious how often it would offend a religious person to hear that from a differently-religious person. I assume it would only bother the intolerant.
I’m kind of wondering the same thing. As an atheist, I’m not bothered when someone says they’ll pray for me when something bad happens to me. I’ve never interpreted it as them saying they were better than me. I’ve been told that part of the DEI initiatives at many companies are to allow employees to be themselves at work. Some people are religious and at times they’re going to express that. To some degree, shouldn’t we accept that?
I wonder if they’re more concerned to prevent people saying things like “It’s all part of God’s plan” or “God must be punishing them for…” or “See? This shows there is no God.”
Telling a distressed person “I’ll pray for you”, like telling a bereaved person that their deceased loved one is “in a better place now”, is an extremely kind and comforting thing to say to somebody who already shares your spiritual beliefs, and potentially a really shitty and insensitive thing to say to somebody who doesn’t.
If HR is encouraging people to think about that, and recognize the inappropriateness of just lazily expecting other people who don’t share your personal spiritual beliefs to recognize that you “mean well” when you gratuitously drag them into conversation, that’s a good thing.
A business should avoid representations that can be mistaken for a religious preference unless that have one as a matter of policy. So a statement from a higher up or HR can easily be mistaken for policy. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it between people who have personal relationship. I cannot understand how one can be offended by a personal offer to waste time praying for them.
Really? If you want to see people being openly offended(rather than the polite but private reaction you usually get from people from non-Christ sects and atheists), tell them that you will pray to The Goddess(es) for them.
