In our case, it gave my husband health insurance. We met in February of 97, were engaged by May and married in December.
And while I’m still learning little things about him every day, there haven’t been any big surprises.
To me, marriage is a big deal, but not The Biggest Deal in the Whole World.
You should wait until you are at least 23.
Never? 
Never say never.
That’s not an apples to apples comparison. We grow at a much faster rate when we’re younger than when we age. The difference between a 2 year old and a 12 year old is vast. The diffference between those same two people at 42 and 52 is miniscule.
I found that I “grew” into who I am today during my 20’s. My first marriage wasn’t “bad”, it was simply a case of discovering that he wasn’t the right man for me. I obviously didn’t know that when I married him. Fortunately, we had no children.
My step-son (age 24) and his wife (age 22) are typical 20-somethings. They married last year after living together two years. In my opinion (stress the word opinion), they were wrapped up more in planning “the wedding” than they were planning the rest of their lives together. All of their friends were getting married, it must be time for them too. They attended someone’s wedding practically every weekend in the year leading up to their wedding. We hope it stands the test of time.
I know I’m sounding like a naysayer here and I don’t mean to judge your decision. If statistics can be trusted, you only have a 50% chance of success anyway. And if it were only the two of you involved, then I say, What-the-hell-lets-give-it-a-try. At the dissolution of a child-free marriage, it boils down to a division of finances and you can each go on your merry way. But again if statistics are to be trusted, you have a good chance of having children who will be forever affected by a divorce.
“you can suck it”?
Am I bovvered?
Congratulations and keep ignoring the well-meaning bozos!
I hear this a lot, but I wonder how true it really is (in general- obviously, I have no idea what’s going on with your stepson).
Thing is, wedding planning is obvious and visible- you have to get a dress, a cake, a caterer, and so on, and these are things that a couple will talk about with others. Planning for your life together, on the other hand, involves stuff like talking about sex, money, future kids, and future career plans- these are not subjects that everyone feels comfortable talking about with someone other than their future spouse. Talking about sex or money with parents or step-parents would be especially uncomfortable for some of us… Frankly, I’d rather post details of my sex life or financial situation here than discuss them with either my parents or my in-laws (hell, I’d rather post my real name and credit card numbers here than discuss my finances with my parents, and I’d much rather discuss my finances with them than my sex life), and I doubt I’m atypical in that. Mr. Neville is very close to his parents, and talks with them about stuff I would never dream about talking about with my parents, but I’ve never heard him discuss our sex life or financial situation with them, either before or after we got married, and I would be very angry and mortified if he did.
My point is, the wedding planning may just be more public than the planning for a life together. That doesn’t mean the latter isn’t happening.
This is a fantastic point. When my parents or other family members ask me, “Are you planning to have kids?” and similar questions, I give very vague answers—“Oh, we’ll see,” “you never know,” etc. To them, it may seem like I haven’t thought it out. In actuality, it’s none of their damn business and I’m not discussing my sexual or financial life with them.
There isn’t any one answer that fits everybody. You do what works for you, and everyone else can stuff it.
Congratulations.
We’ll be expecting pictures, you know.
Well now you’re gonna get my opinion because you posted in the Pit. I got married at 24. Divorced at 26. Not gonna do that again, I wish I’d waited. FWIW, I didn’t feel like I was grown up until I was 30.
I got married the first time at 20. Four years later I got divorced. It wasn’t the age, it was the wrong man. A little more time before the wedding might have helped, but I don’t know. Even looking back from this perspective I don’t see abusive behavior, or what might have tipped me off, before we were actually married. And from what little I’ve heard, he hasn’t changed any since.
Mazel tov!
My parents were engaged in college and married at 22/21. They were married for just shy of 37 years (until my father died). If I could have married in my early 20s, I would have. Looking back from the vantage of more than half my life later, I still would have done it if I’d been dating someone who was interested at the time. There’s very little I don’t like about being married, and I wish I had had the opportunity earlier (with a pleasing person, of course–I turned down an offer from a good friend whom I didn’t want to marry).
I got married six weeks after I turned 21 (he was 28). We met when I was 19 and he proposed two months after our first date. But we waited about a year and a half to make sure we weren’t rushing in. Baby #2 arrives in February, and we’ll have our 7th anniversary in June. Sure, we’ve had our ups and downs, but we are commited to allowing and helping each other to grow and change into who we’re supposed to be. I’m certainly quite different from when we got married, but that’s OK. I would rather go through the adjustments of life together than expect us to remain stagnant forever, YKWIM?
FWIW, my in-laws met when they were 12, got “engaged” at 15, and got married at 19. Their 44th anniversary is in a couple of weeks. When you know, you know.
Congratulations!
I got married last year at 27. People were asking me why I waited so long. You can’t win and you can’t keep people from trying to get into your business. Ignore the naysayers, you know what’s best for you.
Congrats, kid. I married at 23 (and now I’m a ripe old 24, heh) and I’m totally cool with my decision to do so. I figure if you’re honest with yourself about your motives, if you’re practical, if you’re committed and willing to work hard to maintain the quality of a relationship, you really have nothing to lose. There are no guarantees in life, only calculated risks. So far I am deliriously happy and wish you an equivalent level of delirium. 
Bingo. Never mind age, length of engagement, economic factors, etc. – you go into a marriage with that mindset and odds are you’ll succeed.
Everyone is different. My parents were 16 & 18 when they got married - we just celebrated their 51st anniversary. My sister was 19 the first time she got married, and is on husband number 4 now (but this one is a keeper!). I had doubts about being ready when I finally got married at 29 (just had my 16th anniversary). And so on.
If you feel ready, great! Good luck with everything.
Wait - this is the pit. Umm, Poot! Dang! Sugar! Uh, donkeyhat! (damn Midwest accent)
Congratulations and Best Wishes!
One more voice saying that any distant acquaintance saying more than that is being rude.
I guess most people here seem to think that you won’t have had the benefit of prior relationship experience to help with the current one. I know that I sure as hell don’t take the same approach to a relationship as I did when I was 18 or whatever. But then again, maybe you never were as fucked up about it as me in the first place, so who cares?
I think that’s probably the only thing that most people care about.
Merk, well on his way to becoming a bitter 30 something single guy.
Congratulations and best of luck to the OP.
I am 52 years old and today is my 33rd wedding anniversary. Don’t bother doing the math, it was a teenage wedding…