I'm 31 and my sex life is over

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Maybe.

Here’s the deal: I haven’t had any type of sexual relations (and by that I mean with a partner or on my own) in about two weeks. It was 10 days ago I started dating a nice young lady and this past Tuesday on our fourth date we had a romantic dinner. Afterwards one thing led to another and nature began to take its course. When I got an erection I also got a feeling in the back of my skull I had never experienced along with a stiffy. . . pain. Bad pain. I tried to ignore it, but the hotter and heavier we got, the worse the pain got. It was a throbbing, hammering, agonizing bolt of pain that ran from the back of my neck across the right side of of my head to behind my eye.

I’m a guy (I guess you figured that out earlier from my use of the term “erection”) and I have my pride. I wasn’t gonna stop - no way. This was our first time as a couple and I’ll be damned if I was going to freak this girl out by stopping and running screaming across the bedroom. Plus some sick part of me thought “maybe when I come, the release will make the pain stop”. Wrong. Very very wrong.

I was able to “finish”, but the pain then went from roughly an 8 on the old 1 to 10 scale to (as Spinal Tap would say) an 11. Intense, mind blowing pain. Just awful. I can honestly say that I have never lost an erection that fast in my life. I must have gone from steel to sapling in about 2 seconds. Now I’m running across the bedroom screaming. My poor date didn’t know what to think, but hell neither did I. I tried to explain to her what I was feeling and that it was my first time having this happen. She attempted to be understanding and nice and helpful - but neither of us know what to do. She ascertains I might need some alone time so she grabs her clothes and makes as dignified an exit as is possible in the given circumstances.I take some Advil and try to wait it out.

One hundred and twenty minutes. Two of the most excrutiating hours of my entire life. With every heartbeat my head throbs with the pain. Nothing helps. Nothing. Not standing or sitting or lying. Not cold wash cloths or hot compresses or ice placed directly on the skin. I’m in agony. I want to die. Seriously, if someone had walked into my apartment and said “NothingMan I know what you are going through and I can make it stop right now, but you have to let me cut off your right arm.” - I’d have made that deal, no questions asked. Finally the pain subsides enough to be barely tolerable (it took 6 Advil folks - 6*). It is now Thursday and the dull throb still has not gone away. Its nowhere (and I mean nowhere) near like those first two hours. . . but its still annoying.

So I checked online today and evidently this is not that rare a condition. It seems there are some men out there who have had the same experience. The problem is that the condition of getting a migrane pre-orgasm can be one that goes on for six weeks or six months. It can go away for years and then reappear with no warning. Some sites have mentioned certain migrane drugs that can be taken two hours before “getting busy” that might stop it from happening.

Look folks, the problem I have with that last sentence is “might”. Might?? Pavlov had the right idea. The mere thought of sex makes me cringe. I do not want to go through those two hours again EVER. There IS a hell and I was there for two hours, and I ain’t going back for no one! This is bad. I want a wife, I want a family. . . I like sex, really I do. What am I supposed to do?

I’m running scared. What if I get morning wood? What if I accidently stumble across some porn? (Granted that doesn’t happen often but you get my point.) I liked this young lady - what in the world am I gonna do? How can I face an existence that precludes ever having another orgasm again for the rest of my life?

Has any other doper had a similar situation happen to them? I need some help here. . .

2

Hie thee to a doctor, pronto.

3

Go to the doctor and get checked out.

Since this was the first time it happened, it may not ever happen again. I have eaten dinner in the past, and had a migrane triggered within 2 hours. (Turns out food allergy that I wasn’t aware of)

Don’t freak out too much just yet. You may have high blood pressure or some other medical reason for them.

4

My last gf had that problem, she could not orgasm without getting a bad migraine for the next day or so. Needless to say it put a huge damper on things.

5

I’ve had the same thing happen. The solution for me was two Advil and a caffeinated drink before sex. YMMV.

And yeah, I agree…no fun trying to concentrate on the action when it feels like someone is boring into your skull with a flaming drill bit.

6

My husband had those not too long ago. They went away after a few weeks, on their own. We would try now and then to see if they would resurface, and when he’d start getting that pain, we’d stop. It seemed like the longer he tried to persist, the longer the headache afterwards would be, and if he stopped at the beginning of the symptoms it wouldn’t be that bad.

Show your lady friend some literature on the subject so she doesn’t think you’re a freak or something, and go see a doctor just in case. You might get a prescription that’ll work. (My husband is stubborn and didn’t go. I don’t recommend that.)

7

Well, first I’d look into the medication. My guess is that it probably works pretty well because most of us haven’t heard of the problem, so it’s a fair guess that most of these guys are “back in the saddle”, so to speak.

Maybe you can find a migrane self-help chat room with some fellow sufferers. See what works for them.

Tough break, my friend. I wish you the best.

8

When I was about 22, the same thing happened to me five or six times. Totally out of the blue. I had solo-sex, and the oddest thing happened.
As it were, my orgasm came from the left, while I got suddenly aware of a headache approaching with the same speed from the right. The pain reached me before the orgasm did. And it felt BAD. Really bad. I remember thinking, in shame and embarrasment through a haze of pain*: OK, this is it. I’ll be found dead in my bed tomorrow morning, by my roommate, with my hand between my legs and my face in an expression from a horror movie. *

The pain then took a few hours of laying *very * still to go away.

This threatened to happen a few more times, and those times I stopped when I felt the pain coming on. Then it went away and never happened again, and I’m now 37. Maybe it happened because I tensed my body too much, or the wrong way perhaps, but there have been times when I was just as tense and nothing happened. I never found a real explanation.

9

Be thankful you’ve been fortunate enough to have had a sex-life.

10

Are you still talking to your date, or did she disappear after that night?

Adam

11

Don’t freak out just yet. I’m sure you’ll be enjoying sex again soon. It’s not like you got married or something!

12

I found myself thinking of an old joke the whole time I read this thread.

13

Geez, can we get a warning next time? NSFW…

14

I’m. Just. Stunned.

15

Scarlett67 is right, you should see a doctor as soon as you can get an appointment. They’ll probably want to do an MRI to make sure you don’t have any serious neurological problems. Severe headaches like that can be symptomatic of conditions that could do a lot worse than end your sex life, so I’d be concerned about ruling out those possibilities first.

16

Thanks to those that repilied having had a similar situation. It helps to know I’m not alone. As for the suggestion that I go to the doctor… I agree, and I’d love too. However I work two part time jobs and have no health insurance. I can’t imagine how much an MRI or CAT scan would cost me.

As an update, the headache has gone away - today. So it took four days to lose it - not a good sign.

Also the aforementioned female and I have discussed the situation and things appear to OK in that department for the time being. If I ever do decide to try the sex thing again she has offered to take it slow. I guess I’m lucky in that sense.

Honestly I haven’t had the desire, and when something sexy comes on the TV I change the channel. Quickly.

17

How about your local county health clinic?

18

An MRI would probably cost you about $800 if you had to pay for the whole thing out of pocket (which may not be necessary – I don’t know what services free clinics provide, but it’s worth checking into). That’s a chunk of change, but it’s many times less than the price of neurosurgery. Take my word on this: do not mess around when it comes to your brain.

19

Erections without pain are a bargain at any price, my young friend.

20

If my impression is correct, you could go to a hospital emergency room while this was happening and they would perform the necessary tests and give you whatever treatment you needed, even without insurance, but I believe it would have to be while you were actually in distress and not just in place of an office visit.

I had a blood clot in my leg a couple of years ago, went to an emergency room and got a sound scan, blood thinners, saw a physician, the whole nine yards (enough that is to get me safely through the weekend until I could visit my own doctor’s office. They set me up on a payment plan that was very reasonable and based on what I told them I could pay. It was a very small amount and they were very nice about it. They have some sort of credit company that pays for the treatment and then your payment to them is paid out like a regular loan, with an interest rate added on.

But you need to see a doc. Even if it took you 10 years to pay it off you’ll still be here, and 15 years from now it’ll all be a distant memory. If you don’t get it taken care of, the price could be a lot higher, both in terms of money and time spent here on Earth.

Cheers.