I'm 32 years old and I have a bully.

In My Humble Opinion
1

I work with a guy who is ten years older than me and lately things have gotten pretty ridiculous. I’ve worked at this company for nearly four years and, for the first six months, I was the entire department. I work in prepress, for what it’s worth. We hired a part-timer for about six months and he was difficult to work with, so we eventually sought out a full time replacement for him. When I met the guy, I thought he was great and I encouraged my boss to hire him. However, a few months after his arrival, I was demoted to Guy-Who-Works-Under-New-Guy. I’ll never understand that, except that it’s an age thing. His ten year age “advantage” gives him seniority, I guess. I see him make plenty of bad choices. In fact, just today, one of the customer service guys asked him if we prefer files in reader spreads or printer spreads, and he said “printer spreads.” We have imposition software to work with reader spreads, and now I’m going to have to pull apart files to rebuild them, just because of his crappy answer. If one thing goes wrong, it’s going to be my fault. In the meantime, I’m putting together a “File Preparation Instruction Sheet” for customers that will address this issue.

Anyway, I’m what is known as a Nice Guy™. And being assigned the role of second in command, I find myself naturally being a bit more passive. My philosophy is to solve problems rather than bitch about them until someone else solves them. Not my coworker, however. And that’s a personality conflict, I can live with that.

Lately, however, it seems that he enjoys being rather territorial. He has always been hot-tempered, and cry-baby-ish, but now he’s down to hurling insults. It’s a bunch of macho bullshit. I look at it as a gorilla-in-heat kind of thing, and he has resorted to belittling me as much as he can (the flinging of feces is probably the next step). I had almost forgotten what it felt like to be the scrawny kid in a middle school locker room getting snapped with wet towels, but now I remember. It seems the Alpha Male has decided to pick on the runt of the litter and has resorted to insults (in the form of telling my that my car overheated this summer due to “ignorance,” and I wanted to say “dude, you weren’t even there.”) He makes fun of the car I drive, the music I listen to, the TV shows I like, etc. The point is, he is a juvenile ass, and people like him should be getting fired by people like me.

I have prepared my resume and portfolio and will begin applying elsewhere starting tomorrow. Anyone have any advice on how to handle this freak in the meantime?

2

Why are you letting this guy get away with it? Stop being the runt of the litter and stand up for yourself. You shouldn’t have to switch jobs because some guy is an asshole.

3

Stand up for yourself next time. Tell him to shut the fuck up. He’ll stop bothering you quickly.

4

I kinda know your position because I’m usually a very accommodating person and I hate making enemies. But sometimes you have to make enemies – it sounds like this guy hates your guts already so standing up to him probably isn’t going to worsen the situation, and most likely will force him to step off a little.

Next time he insults you just puff yourself up, look him in the eye, and say “I’m sick of your bullshit. The next time you insult me I’m taking it to HR. Now get out of my fucking face.”

Chances are he’ll act all pissy about it at the moment, but in the future he probably won’t be testing your boundries as much, and he may even act nicer toward you.

5

Well, it’s a little more than verbal attacks. Sometimes, he fucks with the computers.

6

Every stupid suggestion he makes, email it back to him with clarification and cc the main bosses.

For instance on the file thing you mentioned earlier.

Good morning Bullyman,

Per our conversation regarding the files to be printed, you require us to use “preprinted” and would like me to inform the press guys, was that correct?

Thank you,

Only of course more industry specific for your industry. Also, start keeping a file. This happened to me back in the mid 90s. I kept a file and ended up turning in a 12 page complaint about my bully to HR. I ended up with a nice severence package, Thursday afternoon and Friday off, and I was back at work with a former boss and coworker’s new company the following Monday. After that temp stint, I moved on to an AWESOME little niche company in my industry, and I’ve steadily progressed in my career since then. I could have fought it and sued them and all that rot, but I had wanted out of the company since this woman had become my supervisor. And nothing but good has happened in my career since I left that company (they weren’t and aren’t all that employee supportive as it is).

I would have quit, but before she took over as supervisor, I’d attended a University class on the company’s dime, and the rule was that if you quit, you either had to pay it back, or have worked for a year past the date of the class.

At any rate, (sorry I’m naturally blonde, I get distracted easily :)), keep the record of complaints with dates, times and as much specific detail as you can get. It may come in handy when you get ready to leave, if only to inform your company of what a bum steer they’ve got.

7

One thing I would do for sure is stop talking to him about anything whatsoever that isn’t work related. If he starts BS out of the blue “Hey, how’s your POS car?” just pretend you don’t hear him, repeatedly say “what? I can’t hear you!” or repeat “If this is not work related, this conversation is over.”

8

So? Stand up to him and tell him to stop fucking with the computers. If he doesn’t, document and bring it to the higher ups. Start a journal and write down every bit of harassment (while telling him to knock it off), and bring it to your boss. Your boss ought to take note because they can get in deep shit if they don’t stop harassment at work.

Being passive-aggressive is the worst way to handle office situations.

[Cesar Milan] Don’t be aggressive, be dominant. [/Cesar Milan]

9

In what way-in ways that get YOU in trouble?
Dude, this just screams “Hostile Work Environment”.

10

Just give him a wide berth. You are wise to look elsewhere.
32 is way too young to feel trapped.
Just don’t mention him to anyone interviewing you. Say only good things about your current job. If they ask why you are leaving, cite desire for something new, something vague that doesn’t mention strife.

11

Not in ways to get me in trouble, but nuisances and obstacles. The printing industry is very Mac-based, and I’m a PC guy at heart. I work all day on Macs, but I know the PCs inside and out, and I prefer the PCs. This is one of the sources of ridicule, but it’s also one of the ways he finds to be obnoxious and counter-productive. The one PC we have in the department often has the settings tweaked, and once even the BIOS was messed with. So I have to take the time to fix it and figure out what’s wrong, all the while hearing his diatribe about how Macs don’t get viruses, but PCs do. Naturally he denies messing with the BIOS, and claims not to even know what a BIOS is, but I don’t think it was an invisible magic elf that did it.

12

What an asshole. Based on your description of his actions, this guy should be in deep shit with your bosses. That kind of behavior simply isn’t tolerated and is grounds for termination (at least where I work).

Maybe you don’t need to confront him afterall – documenting some of his behavior and bringing it to the attention to the right people should do the trick. If not, then you should consider finding a job in a friendlier environment.

13

Why are you putting up with a toxic work environment? I wouldn’t curse, but I would stand up for myself. I’d also start a journal and keep track of all that he says and does to harass you. I’d go to the EEOC, (or the appropriate advocate orginization for workers where you live) not HR. HR is there to make things run smoothly for the company/bosses first, employees second if what has been said in other threads is true.

14

You do need to stand up for yourself (and I sympathize, I was in the same kind of position years ago), however do it professionally.

I’m assuming that you have a boss (not the bully, but The Boss) and/or HR person who will listen and help if there are actual problems.

First off, document what has been done - like folks said, write it all down. What he said and what you said, when it happened, etc.

Then, the next time he comes out with some insult or whatever, you look him in the eye and say in a calm, measured tone “I don’t want you acting like this with me any more. You need to behave in a professional manner or we’ll let HR handle it.”

You have now stood up for yourself which is critical (and bullies keep picking on people who don’t stand up to them, sadly). Also critical is the fact that you have told him in no uncertain terms that certain behavior is unacceptable to you. Document that as well.

If that little conversation doesn’t stop the problem you go right to HR/Big Boss and have a talk. Show them what’s been going on, including that you just made it plain that you do not want him treating you that way.

Do not lose your temper, yell, insult him back, etc. His poor behavior will not excuse you responding in kind; it’s a workplace and not a schoolyard, so you want to be seen as the adult. If he acts like a highschool bully then he will get treated as such. If you get into a shouting match with him then the best you can hope for is someone telling you both to shut the hell up or go someplace else.

And there is something DEEPLY SATISFYING in watching guys like that get theirs while you stay calm.

That’s for the personal stuff. If he’s making poor technical decisions then you need to bring that up on a purely professional basis - “Bob, I think that we need to be using reader spreads and not printer spreads because of X, Y & Z”. Maybe it’s an honest mistake on his part or he’s got a different opinion and you guys will handle it smoothly. If he comes back with some personal crack then that’s the perfect time to have that 2-sentence conversation with him.

Now if your HR or management or whomever isn’t doing their job and they don’t have your back, that limits your options a bit - but still make it clear to the guy that he can’t bully you, period. If the working conditions are so bad that you feel your only choice is to quit, be prepared to do so (and do it on your terms, meaning you’ve got another job waiting) and then have a little talk with HR - nobody wants to hear that a good employee is leaving because a nimrod is making their life hard.

15

I talked to the boss about it two weeks ago. I told hiim of an incident where I set a computer on the counter near his workstation so I could repair it. He said “You’re not going to leave it there are you?” I responded, “No, I just need to set it somewhere to work on it.” “Good. Because if you were going to keep it there, I was gonna kill ya.” When I told my boss this, he just chuckled. It wasn’t that I took the threat seriously, but I used it to demonstrate the level of juvenile assholery.

I also mentioned that he uses racial slurs regularly. He apparently doesn’t like people of African or Asian descent, as I hear those racial slurs most often. Lucky for him (for now), everyone in the office area of the company is a white male, but one of the guys has a Japanese wife. I wanted him to utter one of his verbal nasties in front of him one day and sit back to watch the destruction. I hope my replacement is a half African, half Asian bodybuilder.

It has been since that talk with my boss that he called me “ignorant,” which is a word often used to describe bigots.

16

Write down examples of the hostility, and take them to the EEOC. Since your boss basically brushed you off, drop the dime on them.

17

The idea was not to be passive, but to document his decisions electronically. Emails have time and date stamps. Keeping a journal is great, but emails stating what his decisions were regarding such and such a decision, on such and such a date is proof that the decisions made were in fact his.

People as power hungry and moronic as this guy aren’t going to see an email as “oh no, he’s telling on me” but as a nod to his supposed power and proof that he’s in charge.

If charger sent an email clarifying his decision to use the (to charger’s more experienced methods) wrong print type for instance, the guy would be all puffing his chest out and thinking “YEAH, he’s taking MY demands, I’m in charge”. Even better, he may send emails (time and date stamped) back stating something to the effect of “yes, young foolish one, that is the decision that I master of this department, have made”.

18

You know, the last time I saw a thread like this - only it was a woman asking how to deal with a female-coworker who was horrible to work with, all the women said “Go to HR” and a bunch of men said “Grow some balls and deal with it yourself, leave HR out of this, it will just make you look bad. You women are lame for wanting to go to the higher-ups.”

Oddly, I do not see this pattern this time. I see virtually everyone advising this (apparently male OP) to “Say something/Document/Go to HR.”

Why the disparity?

19

Do you have a link to the thread in question-that might help.

20

Ah, that thread was called ‘How do you avoid strangling co-workers?’

There were accusations of misogyny, which I actually agreed with, before the thread died. But some of the male posters were very outspoken about how women wanted to appeal to authority, but men should deal with such things themselves. Yet in this thread I see suggestions of…appealing to authority.

Is it a difference of who-all is answering the question? Or is it a general expectation or observation, that “women want to appeal to authority” but “men deal with their problems themselves”?