Hypothetical situation. I have a friend (more than that, actually) online, who occasionally disappears for stretches of time. The first time, I emailed her after a couple of days, asking where she was. The second time, I neglected to email her for a couple of weeks (I’m not going to make excuses), and she says it’s not fair for me to say I care and then not act like it by not emailing her within a couple days’ of her disappearence. Am I in the wrong?
Nope.
If she makes a habit of disappearing you’re okay to assume that she’s in the habit of disappearing. You did the right thing the first time.
Don’t let her mess with your head, man. Just don’t.
I think the bigger question here is why does she disappear? With the little bit of information you’ve provided it seems to me like her disappearing acts are a way to test your hypothetical devotion.
Yeah, if this is some kind of “testing your devotion,” screw it. Life’s too short to play mindgames and she might as well learn this earlier than later. It sounds like a “crying wolf” scenario.
Crimminy! I can go literally years without hearing from my pals in PA!
A few weeks is nothing at all to worry about. No matter what.
Well, if she’s dead I guess that’s something else …
Hah, well… she doesn’t really give reasons for her disappearance. Presumably, she is having “emotional problems”* (she says she’s biploar, but since I’ve never met her, I don’t know), but for all I know, she could have been grounded and not get an email even if I send it. Like I said, I’m not going to make excuses for why I didn’t reply.
[sub]*I don’t mean to be insensitive to others’ emotional issues, especially related to psychological disorders, I’m just not sure if she is actually bipolar, since at one point she said she had cancer to get sympathy.[/sub]
For that matter my DAD and I can go a year without checking in. We love each other and enjoy each others company…but we have our own pursuits and are comfortable how things are.
A fake tumor didn’t get the alarm ringing in your head?
Well, actually, I didn’t even consider it until recently. She told me once, and then never mentioned it again, and a while later I found out it was fake from a friend of hers. Then I didn’t talk to her for a while (I forget why), and I forgot.
Um, yeah, if fake cancer isn’t a red flag, I don’t know what is.
A… tries to hold it back red… clenches his jaw flag?
Listen Speaker , since you mentioned something earlier about the possiblity that she was grounded, I’m going to go out on a limb and assume you’re part of the younger crowd.
My advice is be careful. Whether or not she’s actually bipolar, this girl clearly has some kind of trouble. I’m not saying cut her off altogether, just make sure you understand exactly what you’re getting yourself into. And if she’s not willing to provide that information, maybe you should think twice about what you’re doing.
Ah yes, since I’m already nearly flooding this thread, I may as well continue - I sent her an email after this, which, in more, gentler words, said: “I’m not allowed to be busy? That’s not happening, sorry. Bye.”
She sounds like more trouble than shes’ worth.
Good for you!
I have this philosophy,
It’s served me well.
I have several friends that are in no way dependable, although spending time with them is always fun and rewarding. I categorize them thusly:
“He’s a good friend, but I wouldn’t want him packing my parachute”
" Am I in the wrong?"
Only hypothetically.
Lordy, why do you care? Someone that lies about having cancer is someone you choose to correspond with? There are a LOT of interesting people out there, I suggest finding one of them. She’s taught you to question yourself…enough to come here and ask if you’re “bad”, doesn’t that tell you something?!
Okay, I felt like posting an update. She sent me another email (if a few people want to see it, I don’t have qualms with posting it, there’s not really anything sensitive in it. The gist is she was saying that one should stick through even the bad times (my “busy month”) to talk to a friend, and if the situation had been reversed, that she would’ve stopped to say hi. So, I wrote her a reply. I was trying to sound nice, because I hate being too brutal, but I think I got my message across nicely. The “fourth time” I refer to is her claim that this is the fourth time I’ve said she really wants something when she doesn’t (or something similar).
**
Good email, Speaker. (Well, except maybe for the smirking. No one likes a smirker.)
I’ll never understand people who, after neither of you call or email each other for some period of time, blame you for it. Unless I missed something, she’s complaining that during some period of time where neither of you emailed the other, you should have taken the time to email her? Why didn’t she email you? I just don’t get it.