For years I thought I was antisocial. I have this inate feeling of not liking any but a few individuals currently alive. I don’t harm anyone or act in evil ways of any sort, but a common refrain, especially while driving, is “I hate people”. Normally uttered in an exasperated tone.
It seems that out of any random encounters of 10, 9 people will make me weep for makind. Then I realize I’m too pissed to care about mankind surviving. Often I dream oif living in the middle of a desert hundreds of miles from anyone else. Driving from Vegas to Reno is pure bliss. Nothing but open space and no people.
Anyone else feel this way? I know it isn’t normal, but I can’t shake it.
I actually like people on an individual basis. If I have occasion to get to know someone I will probably like them. but people as a collective are generally, at best, just in the way, and at worst - loathsome, horrible, dangerous, stupid, illogical, ignorant.
Sure, it’s normal. As with almost any other human characteristic, liking people runs on a spectrum. Everything from liking everyone to liking no one. Personally, I’m on the same end of the spectrum as you.
I’m your opposite; I love meeting and talking to new people. I talk to grocery store clerks. I go out of my way to talk to people anywhere. I wave at strangers out for a walk. I love interacting with people.
I’m not thread-shitting, I just like striking up conversations with strangers. Usually they appreciate it.
Leaffan - You are the type of person I avoid like the plague. I commend your sunny attitude but I am an asshole so I hate when people I have never met get pally with me. If someone engages me in conversation I feel a massive urge to make my excuses and leave.
For example on a Ferry, if somone sits near me I’ll feel ok, but if they then start to converse with me I tense up and want to jump out of the window. I like being left alone.
I hope I don’t offend you by saying this. Your way is the right way. I’m just not ‘made’ the same.
Edit: Apologies duffy. I don’t mean to take over your thread
As a disclaimer about my previous statement/post about getting to know people: I am of course talking about when I have little choice in the matter, such as when a new person joins at work. I like people given enough time for the initial awkwardness to go away, but when someone engages me in a conversation and that person has no real valid reason to talk to me I am very uncomfortable.
Too late for edit: An anecdote. I was on the ferry once, and a weird little man with an ugly face and a camcorder struck up a conversation with me. Asking me where I’m going, and why. And what I do, and this that and the other. My face and mouth were playing along, participating in the conversation, feigning interest. My body was tensed up. My Brain was looping the following…
I do think a healthy dose of misanthropy is pretty ordinary. Human nature is to blame goings-wrong on ‘the other’, and in an era where we’re finally starting to figure ourselves out with regards to not being racist or sexist or religiously prejudiced and so on, instead of “I hate [group x]” it becomes “I hate EVERYBODY ELSE”.
I’m odd though! Some days I’m just like Leaffan, striking up conversations with anyone and everyone, complimenting random people on their choice of purse or complaining about a sudden cold snap. Other days, I sulk around, keep to myself, and practically radiate hostility when anyone speaks to me.
I bought a place in northern Minnesota. 10 acres and a mobile home. 900 feet of shoreline. When I walk out the door and look around, I can see for at least half a mile…and I don’t see anyone.
I’ve only invited two of my friends up there. Much of the time I’m there by myself.
I can’t imagine not wanting to talk to people. Not like I’m going out of my way to physically get in anyone’s face, but are we not social beings? I’ll strike up a conversation with anyone; what’s the downside? People are interesting. Imagine the boredom of working at a cash register for 8 hours, or serving tables, or pumping gas, or whatever. Suddenly a customer actually talks to you and treats you like a human being. That’s me. Because I’ve been there. I worked in a convenience store as a kid. I pumped gas. I worked in retail.
I am very respectful of people doing these jobs and actually really like talking to them, or anyone else for that matter. What the heck? I’ll chat with people in line for coffee or tickets or whatever. Life’s too short.
I don’t like meeting new people. I’m okay with some people on an individual basis but generally speaking, I’d prefer not to be around others. I can play the game of “Hi, how are ya!” but really freaking hate it. I saw a t-shirt once that I would love own, it had “FUCK YOU, I HAVE ENOUGH FRIENDS” written on it. I don’t go out of my way to be mean, in fact, I tend to be very polite but I really just want you to stop talking to me. It’s the inherent insincerity, I think, that bothers me. You really don’t give a shit about what I’m thinking or how I’m feeling, you just want to pass them time with me. Kind of like I’m your personal toy or television or gameboy or whatever. Go entertain yourself somewhere else. If I’m in the right mood, I’ll totally fuck with someone’s head just to return the favor of being a device of entertainment.
I think Lobsang and I may be twins – he summed up almost exactly what I am like. I loathe people. To the degree that give my druthers, I’d sit in a room with no windows and a locked door on a computer for 8 hours straight and forego all human contact if I could. What makes my loathing of people so funny is that I work in sales. And I am good at it. And my customers (for the most part) adore me. It’s really weird. I can fake it, but I’d rather people just not talk to me, especially strangers.
That’s not to say that I am rude. Like Lobsang, I like specific people, but loathe general people. The workers at my local $tarbucks (save for the idiot that always screws up my drink and the jock asshole who tried to tell me he knew what he was doing as he dumped a big old shitload of milk in my iced espresso) are great people, and I enjoy talking to them – other customers in line, not so much. Same with the cashiers at Kroger, I don’t mind them chatting me up while waiting on me, but the customer behind me needs to just STFU or GTFO. I guess for me, there’s patience with people who are getting paid to be friendly versus people who just want to talk to every living creature.
I also do the mental talking “shutthefuckupyoufuckingmoron” while nodding and being polite “oh, yeah? Really? How interesting.”
I’d vote for misanthropy being fairly normal, but I’ve only been accused of being “normal” once – for my psych eval for a surgery I REALLY needed, trust me, I would have passed that shit come hell or high water
Don’t feel like you have to shake it, until you want to be with people but can’t.
I grew up with somewhat of an inferiority complex because I was not like my parents - very outgoing and sociable, went to parties practically every weekend, and so on. I thought that was “normal” and my preferences were not. I even tried to be outgoing for a while, but I didn’t enjoy it because it was forced.
So I stopped. And it was OK.
Now I am not exactly a hermit, but interaction with the Lovely and Talented Mrs. Shodan and a few close friends seems to make me just as happy as my folks are.
So I wouldn’t sweat it.
And FWIW, your imaginary friends are always glad to hear from you. Like us.
I assume everyone is a douchebag until proven otherwise. I’m seldom wrong. I like the people I like, the rest are pretty much extras in my movie and I gotta say if your talking to the checkout person while people are waiting to get checked out, you are irritating us.
I’m the worst kind of misanthrope. I hate listening to your drivel but expect you to be enthralled by whatever I have to say. Yeah, I’m an asshole.
Even around those with whom I share interests I have a tough time tolerating them. I like D&D but I HATE hearing you tell me about what your character did that got him from 6th to 7th level. I like Monty Python but HATE when a one-line quote becomes the entire scene performed verbatim. I hate listening to people speak in Klingon or otherwise go way off the deep end of nerdity. So it can be tough chillin’ at the game store.
My friend once saw a shirt at the store and immediately bought it for me. It says, “I Hate People.” I wear it when I’m going to order pizza just for the benefit of the delivery person.
Now this doesn’t mean that I can’t be polite. I always try to be friendly to servers at restaurants and say “please” and “thank you.” I always try to have my act together when asking for customer service. But I think it’s because I know how much I hated such work and don’t want to be the kind of person that pissed me off so much as a cashier.
Now I should clarify a few things. Seems like most here are just like me. I like you people
It’s not that I’m impolite. I can be the most charming guy in the room. I tend to be the guy everyone likes. I also like having friends. Just not too many because it seems to take an inordinate amount of time to maintain friendships. And I just don’t have the patience. Maybe it’s just selfishness. I have my g/f and daughter and maybe 5 people I spend more than 5 minutes with at a time.
One example happened yesterday. I was at Sentry buying a gallon of moo juice and a pizza. I was heading to the express lane when I noticed a guy with about a dozen items hurrying to beat me. He had coupons for everything and paid by check. I wanted to tear his friggin’ throat out. (BTW, I’m not a violent person, I don’t act on these impulses.) It added maybe 2 minutes to my experience, but I stood there hoping his brakes failed on a steep, icy hill. And yes, I was paying cash and he did see me.
My favorite T-shirt was given to me by my g/f. It says “I don’t discriminate, I hate everyone.” It’s sort of my philosophy in general. I tend to think of people as general douchebags until they prove otherwise. Maybe that’s why I tend to not fare well in the Pit.
