Throughout my entire life, I’ve found maybe a half dozen people I actually, genuinely, like.
I’ll exclude my family, because while I do genuinely like some of them, others… try my nerves, at the best of times (if you’ve read some of my threads about my mother, I’m sure you understand).
In school, everyone seemed immature or obnoxious. I found one person in school that didn’t annoy me (in a school of 2,200+ students), and even then I could only tolerate his company for a few hours at a time, before he started irritating me. Pot made it better, but even with pot I could only tolerate most people for a few hours at a time, and that was only because I was stoned beyond caring.
Now, I work from home for the most part, and don’t see people my age at all. I can’t think of a way to connect with people my age, even if I wanted to… but most importantly, I don’t think I have found more than a hand full of people of any age that I can tolerate, much less enjoy spending time with.
I understand people have different dispositions, happy, sad, etc. And I understand that there’s a term describing what I am, Misanthropic, but I don’t feel like a misanthrope (despite the fact that I’ve adopted it as a descriptor of myself on more than one occasion).
I don’t dislike everyone by default, I just don’t ever find people I do like, and the vast majority of people end up grating my nerves, quickly. See, all of this wouldn’t be a problem, except for the fact that it makes personal relationships difficult. I don’t need a lot of them, and for the most part I don’t even want them (it’s difficult, at times, putting up with the family I do have to speak with), but every so often I feel the need to call a friend and chat… but then I think Who should I call?
And the answer is always: Fuck, no one. Everyone is annoying as shit.