I am always hearing whiney crap about ‘nice guys finishing last’ and ‘bad boys get the chicks’. Bullshit. I am a nasty, cruel, arrogant and vindictive piece of shit, and I don’t find it any easier than ‘nice guys’ to pick up.
Just this week, in the presence of many members of the opposite sex, I have :
[ul]
[li]littered in public;[/li][li]said the words ‘poo-faced fart-head’ in front of an old lady;[/li][li]smoked cigarettes;[/li][li]blown my nose into a hanky, and proceeded to carefully inspect the contents;[/li][li]sniggered at a dirty limerick;[/li][/ul]
There were other transgressions of ‘niceness’, but these were probably the worst examples.
So where are all the hot birds draping themselves off me?
Can anyone give me any tips on how I can become nastier and ruder?
I have found that an appropriately timed yell of “hey baby, shake that ass!” when an attractive member of the opposite sex walks by never fails to get a response.
Whenever I yell out “Show me your vegemite runway!” or “Show us where Uncle Trevor parks his V8!” to girls, it is difficult to gauge a response, as these are generally hurled from a moving vehicle.
There once was a man from Australia,
Who had an appreciation for paraphenalia,
His dildo, it stank,
His wife liked a wank,
And everyone enjoyed Bacchanalia.
(I found a rhyming dictionary. Amd apparently Bacchanalia is an orgy.)