I totally totally totally 100% agree with what Biggirl said and I would pay for a videotape of it, too. And Biggirl rocks out all over the place.
Assholes only get away with being assholes because no one makes it public that they’re assholes.
I’ve known people like that. When I was at Smith, we had a black woman who moved into our house. We tried to welcome her, but I guess we didn’t do it right, because she went around telling people how unfriendly we were, even though she didn’t introduce herself to anyone; the house president and head resident tried to get her to join us at dinner once she was pointed out to them, but she just looked at them and said, “I don’t think so.” She had a habit of cooking at 1 AM and then making a racket washing her dishes, taking over the living room every weekend, among other things, and when she was spoken to about violating house rules, went around telling people what racists we were. Yeah, I guess if you’re black, you shouldn’t have to follow rules because you’re all oppressed and shit. Like Biggirl said, racism is a very real problem, but don’t undermine your own cause by inventing it where it doesn’t exist.
Look, the man, boy, whatever, said to himself “I’m fly, I see her lookin at me all the time, I KNOW she likes me…I’ll just ask her if she has a boyfriend”…then it all went wrong and shit started flowing out of his mouth like a raging river.
He’s not a rapist, he just a silly kid whose feelings got hurt and instead of slinking away, totally beaten, his mouth and anger at rejection got the better of him and he really fucked up…first by offering the secondary option of fucking around on your boyfriend, and then by insulting you.
Don’t read too much into this…he was just being an asshole. This is what happens when your head(s) swell up and you think you’re unbeatable and someone knocks you down in all of your invincibility.
He might be a danger, but I don’t think it’s that serious. Take care of yourself.
Sam
Drastic, Una, thank you for your concern and advice, but I agree with LaurAnge. If he ever says or does anything even remotely like that again, to me or to anyone else I know, we’ll bring The Man down on him. But I think, considering how entirely out of character it was for him, and how nervous he seemed when he raised the question of me seeing anyone at all - even before he asked me to cheat for him - I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt for now. But he’s definitely been shitlisted now.
Guin, Jodi, I couldn’t have been any less nice to him than I was. It’s just not in me. Heck, I can’t even come up with a flame you couldn’t piss out with an empty bladder (;)) when I have time to think about it, so there’s no way I was going to get in a shouting match with him in the cafeteria on my way to a meeting with one of my professors.
When and if he does apologize to me, I’ll give him the rundown on exactly how, why and to what incredible extent his comments and accusations were entirely inappropriate. I just couldn’t do it on the fly, and wouldn’t do it in that public of a situation, with Nosy Counter Boy and all the people eating dinner.
Its okay racinchikki. I am a racist too. Once I wouldn’t rent an apartment to a black women who had very bad credit and two prior evictions. Another time I evicted a black couple who were only three months behind on their rent. (I was accused of being a racist in court in front of a black judge!)
There are a very few people who will stoop to any level to try to bully you into doing what they want. Usually I would just suggest you ignore them. But, I agree with Anthracite. This guy verbally assulted you for no reason. Don’t most colleges have a system for reporting this sort of thing?
I’d like to second Anthracite’s suggestion, though I know it would be hard for me to follow. If he’d said everything else, but hadn’t called you a racist, he’d be an aggressive misogynistic jerk who needed to be put in his place. He still is, but now he’s a racist misogynistic jerk.
What you should do is say to him in public (preferrably in front of the class &/or a prof) in a mature restrained, but sincere tone, “I was offended by what you said. You should be ashamed of calling me a racist whore for not sleeping with you.”
Let him try to explain himself.
PC
P.S.- You handled yourself very impressively (better than I probably would have).
I certainly do hope I’m wrong. Even with the job market as it is, Psychos & Stalkers, Inc. could use a good round of layoffs. I just have my doubts that anyone who can, even in anger, utter a line ending with “…just like all the others” is a sane human being.
I probably have far too high an ideal of what “sane human being” entails, though. 
No, but maybe you’re prejudiced toward descendants of runaway slaves!
Hey, lay off the guy, he’s had a rough weekend. Getting rejected by beautiful women like Jarbaby and racinchikki really takes its toll on some guys.
Which reminds me, I’ve always found it really ironic that many guys will call a girl who won’t go out with them a slut or whore. So a whore is too picky to go out with you? You really ARE a loser!
I’ve never understood the logic of calling someone who won’t date you a whore. Doesn’t that just mean they’re a whore who won’t even go out with you? ::scratches head::
Make him grovel.
Damn. Geobabe beat me to it.
I’m glad I was not the only one to come to this immediate conclusion. This was both a hate incident and sexual harassment. If any of the people in the Subway shop were witnesses to this event, please depose them immediately. Get witness statements and have this little maggot called on the carpet in the dean’s office. Demand a public apology and do whatever is necessary to fire a Howitzer shot across this maggot’s bow.
That the rectal cavity would even suggest that you cheat upon your SO is reason enough to feel this way. His rejoinder to all of this only serves to prove the point utterly. Nail this bastard!
I also agree that what this little prick said is both sexual harrassment and hate speech. I also think you should report him. He probably won’t stalk or assault you, but the fact that he talked to you like that increases the probability that someday he will commit some kind of sex/race crime.
Isn’t it funny how often people will play the race card while simultaneously being a complete slimeball?
Kayeby, Geobabe, haven’t you heard that a slut is a girl who will sleep with anybody and a whore is a girl who will sleep with anybody but you?
I might be able to buy this, EXCEPT that he said “So, how about seeing me on the side?” after being clearly informed that she already has a serious relationship. That makes him a terminal jerk and has lost all respect. Report him, and make him an example to the rest of the guys who would call a woman a “whore.”
(Ironically, a “whore” is the very type of girl who would have said yes to this little proposition of his. Maybe he should be issued a dictionary).
See, now, I’ve heard guys use both terms with girls who won’t sleep with them, so there seems to be some confusion here. Somebody needs to update the manual, or these guys are not getting the memos, or something.
psst…
it was a joke Dale The Bold, check out the link.
Anthracite
Oh come on. Don’t you think it’s a bit much to turn a public proposition and racial outburst into “he might think that ‘uptight white bitches just need a good rapin’’”? Yes, the guy was crude and boorish, and yes, playing the race card after being turned down was ridiculous. But be serious. “Hate speech”? Haven’t we pretty much put the stake through the heart of campus speech codes? Does this guy really deserve to be on some list somewhere because he asked a woman for sex and when she said no he called her a bitch and a whore?
jack@ss
(bolding mine)
And what you just said isn’t?
Cite?
Please note that I am NOT in any way defending what this person did. All I am saying is that running to the authorities over an incident like this, which the target herself said she thought would have been funny if the guy hadn’t gotten so mad, is over-reacting.
I’d suggest that you write down what he said, and when and where he said it, and if he ever does anything like it again or if he ever lays an unwelcome hand on you, nail him. But turn him in over one incomplete pass and a temper tantrum? Please.
Actually, if there were a list like that, it would make dating a lot easier for women.
Otto, I understand what you were saying in your post (I think I do, anyway), that the reaction here is out of proportion for his actions, but don’t underestimate how women feel about these two particular terms. I personally do feel assaulted when called these things by men.
(Oh, peepthis, I had a notion in the back of my mind that the word maroon had another meaning other than Bugs’ fractured English. Thanks for the link.)
With all due respect, and believe me as a queer I understand the pain that being called unpleasant names can bring, “I feel assaulted” is not the same thing as “I was assaulted.” Calling in the authorities on this would be an enormous overreaction. Ask me which I find scarier, the idea of being called nasty names or the idea that I could get in trouble with the police for calling someone nasty names, and I’ll say B every time.
Oh, and since I didn’t express it the first time and I should have, racinchikki, on behalf of all men everywhere, I’m sorry that you were subjected to this shit.