It exists - it’s called the UK.
I am absolutely amazed by this thread. Every now and again the cultural differences across the pond get thrown into sharp relief by the Dope. Is it really that much of a big deal to say you’re an atheist? And do you really miss out on social connections by not being part of a church?
Round here you’d be hesitant to “come out” as a devout, practising Christian for fear of being thought a weirdo.
In some very rural areas, church is almost the only way people have to socialize with the rest of the community on a very frequent and regular basis. Even though I’m not a believer any more, I’m still Facebook friends with some of the people I know from church. I still care about them and vice-versa. Granted, I’m not friends with any church members that I didn’t also know from other contexts like school band, but the church connection strengthened the social bond.
I’m mostly an Apathist myself, but I’m not very observant. I don’t go to the services or read the books. Actually, I don’t even know where they hold the services or sell the books.
I think it depends on where you’re from. My impression is that if you’re from Silicon Valley, it would be like what you see. Here in the northeast, it’s not THAT big of a deal, but I usually dodge the question with something like, “I’m not really religious.” It’s still expected that you’re some kind of religion and it seems odd or uncomfortable to say that you’re not. I wouldn’t lose my job or anything, though. Down south, I think it’s more of an issue.
If your son is an atheist, he should feel free to say so if he wishes. If this is taboo, that’s not a taboo that should be kowtowed to and perpetuated. I’d also be concerned about the coach’s “good” and “bad” people comment and have a conversation with the kid about that.
Did you hear the one about the atheist, the vegan, and the Harvard grad who walk into a bar?
I think the coach reacted rather oddly. Why did he feel the need to jump in at all? I don’t see why the kid shouldn’t identify himself as an atheist. And in this day and age, I’d be surprised if the other teenagers gave it a second thought. They might have thought the coach’s reaction was as odd as I do, though.
I don’t see any distinction between “atheist” and “not really religious.” (Ok, I see a little, but not enough that it matters). If someone told me they were “not really religious” I would see that as an atheist who didn’t like the word. Not as someone who dodged the questions. Maybe I’m wrong, but I don’t think anyone views the* word* as offensive, separate from the meaning of the word (i.e., not really religious). Would your son’s teammates (or anyone else) who cared about him being an atheist care less if he said he was not really religious?
Anyway, to the original question, I’m with the others who say nothing happened out of the ordinary or which needs any corrective action at all. Your son is an atheist. He was asked a simple question and gave an honest answer. No one seemed to care. To make sure, the coach told everyone it doesn’t matter.
I may be way off, because I live and work in an area where I know exactly* one* person who attends church (and as far as I know, *everyone else *in my social and professional life is an atheist–although it doesn’t really come up much). The woman I work with who goes to Church doesn’t seem to mind the rest of us are godless.
Yes, I grew up in the Silicon Valley, and most of this discussion is completely alien to me. Forty years ago in Jewish religious school we had a debate about the existence of God. The class had three kids who were confirmed atheists, three who were true believers, and the rest were unsure. No one thought anything bad about the atheists, or treated them any differently. I don’t know if it was just the location, or if the country has become more polarized on this issue (maybe I just spend too much time on the SDMB), but it never occurred to me that atheism was a big deal.
As far as the OP’s kid, it sounds like there were no repercussions for his announcement. If there are, that’s the time to speak to him about what it means to hold a position that others may disagree with. You also might want to check in with him from time to time about his beliefs, just to make sure that he isn’t getting backlash that you’re not hearing about.
Same in Australia. I can’t remember religion playing any part at all in my childhood, and basically every single person i knew was the same. I did go to school with one guy whose parents were religious (probably Anglican, which almost qualifies as atheist in the minds of some evangelicals), and i remember that a downside of staying over at his place for the weekend was being dragged to church on Sunday. Only did it once.
As others have said, it depends on where you live, although i wouldn’t go as far as RitterSport does in suggesting that this is largely a Southern thing. Yes, the South might be considered the major portion of the Bible Belt in the United States, but there are large areas throughout the country where religion is a big deal, and even larger areas where, even if people aren’t openly evangelical, they will still look at you funny if you describe yourself as an atheist.
I know people who come from religious backgrounds, in fairly religious communities, in Virginia, Ohio, Indiana, Alabama, Nevada, Utah, and Washington state. Most of these people are not stereotypical hellfire-and-damnation Christians, but many of them say that atheists and agnostics are considered odd or strange in their hometowns, and that the default assumption is that people in the community will be God-fearing, church-going Christians. Even here in Southern California, home of surfer dude culture and all the wonderful culture and depravity of Los Angeles, there is a very large number of religious people. There are millions of practising Catholics, largely (but by no means exclusively) among the population of Mexican and Central American origin. There are also plenty of conservative Protestants. Drive through Orange County, and you’ll see quite a few massive modern churches on prime real estate, catering to the wealthy Christian conservatives of the area.
I know plenty of Catholics here in San Diego—again, mainly Latino—and in my experience, while they take their religion quite seriously in their own lives, they are not especially concerned to throw it in other people’s faces, and they don’t see another person’s religion (or lack of religion) as any sort of social or moral barrier. A couple of my Mexican immigrant friends from my gym expressed some surprise when they asked me my religion and i said i was an atheist, but it was more the sort of surprise you see if you tell someone you don’t have a smartphone. They didn’t seem to have a problem with it, and it didn’t change the way they treated me.
It also depends, in considerable measure, on the sort of people you hang out with. I teach at a university, and many of my own friends, here and across the country, are academics and other people with advanced degrees. This group tends to be less religious, and far less openly religious, than the American population as a whole. Of all my academic friends, i can think of literally one who goes to church on any regular basis. Her father was an Episcopalian (Anglican) minister, and even she only goes periodically, and is otherwise indistinguishable in her social interactions from the rest of my secular liberal and leftist friends. While it might be difficult, in some small-town environments, to make social connections without the structure and moderating influence of church and religion, in much of the United States, especially in large towns and cities, an atheist will have no trouble at all making a social life.
I grew up in Australia, and i’ve lived for extended periods (i.e., two years or more) in Canada and the UK, before moving to the US, and as an atheist i feel no more constrained or limited in my day-to-day life in America than i did in any of those other countries. It’s certainly true that religion is more central to the big-picture social and political culture of the United States, and i might view the world differently if i were living in small-town Alabama or downstate Illinois, but it really isn’t a big challenge for an atheist to live in America.
When i was in high-school in Australia, that was the case too. A girl from my class went to the United States on an exchange in Grade 11. She spent a year in a town called Lynden, Washington, which is north of Seattle, right near the border with Canada. She came back talking all about the love of Jesus Christ and the need to take him into your heart. Everyone was polite to her, but the general consensus was, “What the fuck?”
Another voice chiming in that I don’t think it really does matter much in most locations (okay, not as little as in the U.K.) and likely not in NJ where the op hails from … except maybe in some biases and prejudices the coach has and is aware of and wants to consciously combat.
We have zero evidence that the other kids batted a single eye other than at the oddity of the coach speaking up.
One way to think about the coach’s comment - what if the answer was “I’m Muslim” and he had said the same thing? Just odd. Meant well maybe but odd.
Again, for the little it is worth but three kids made it to adults and one 13 herself … I’d ask (and not necessarily had expected more than a grunt response from my boys at that point) how that exchange struck them … and do more active listening than talking supporting what ever direction they were leaning to. Maybe the op’s kid thinks more deeply on this than the op appreciates.
It feels as if you think atheism is a major step that should not be taken lightly.
For most of us, though, I think atheism is just what you’re left with when you don’t have any religious beliefs.
I rejected my previous religious beliefs through a deep-ish* philosophical process, and because they were the only beliefs I had, I was left with nothing and became an atheist. If I didn’t start from the place of having previous beliefs to reject, I would have just been an atheist without that rejection.
Just for fun I asked my 24 year old son and my 13 year old daughter about their experiences with friends stating they were atheists in that age group. Both said almost completely neutral with the 24 year old recalling that some very religious friends would get upset but mostly that his impression was that it was mostly said by kids who were trying to be edgy but who clearly hadn’t thought about much (his answer then and now would have been Jewish if the question was more tribal and agnostic if it was belief). My daughter states “Jewish” and just doesn’t think about God concepts much. And says the circumstance has come up and has never not been neutral reactions in any crowd.
This is my thought, too. If the coach had seen some reactions from your son’s teammates that had him concerned, then that is the right time to step in with his “two kinds of people” talk. However, jumping in with that as soon as your son nonchalantly says he’s an atheist seems to indicate that the coach thinks it’s a big deal.
I live in a rural, very religious area. My town has 13 churches and no bars (dry community, by law), for example. Though perhaps not the first question when you meet someone new, it is not at all unusual to hear “what church to you attend” when you meet someone in the community. The emphasis is on “which” church, not whether you attend church. It is very common for people to talk about what they are doing at church, and many people go to church on Wednesday and twice on Sunday (no, that isn’t just a saying).
We took my kids to two churches for several years when they were young, because my wife wanted to. We left the first church when it started preaching some things we disagreed with, and stopped going to the second because the minister was an ass. My wife has hinted that she would like to attend again, but I’ve made it clear that I don’t.
The idea of being an atheist is truly shocking and disconcerting in my region. And, yes, the idea is that you are an amoral, wicked person who can’t be trusted.
I was raised without religious belief and was blithely oblivious to the consternation this caused my peers until I was . . . oh . . . 27.
That was when I met my future husband, a lapsed Christian fundamentalist, now a self-identifying atheist.
My husband says that for a person raised in one of the more enthusiastic Christian denominations, being an atheist is tantamount to having zero morals. Because God is the only thing that makes people good. They’d trust a pedophile before they’d trust an atheist.
In retrospect a lot of the subtle girl-drama in my high school group of friends had to do with me not belonging to a church. As I say, I didn’t realize it at the time, so it only affected my friends.
I have to shrug and say “okay, honey”, because this way of thinking is so foreign to me. And yet I grew up in the Midwest–Indiana, specifically.
I guess I’m a clueless person.
I don’t think you should encourage your son to be a closeted atheist, but it is worth pointing out that not all environments are accepting of his belief structure in an “it’s an imperfect world, but I love and support you no matter what” sort of way. Sounds like you’re on the right track.
I think your son may have thought about this more than you’re giving him credit for. People who claim the same religious affiliation as their families can do so without much critical thought, but claiming something else requires a lot more self-examination. It sounds like you don’t identify as an atheist, so for your son to do so probably required a decent amount of soul-searching.
I grew up in a Christian family and self-identified as an atheist around 13, and I thought a lot about it, deeply. I thought about it more then than I do now. I wasn’t “out” to my parents until years later, though.
Thanks, now you’ve got me doing it too. :rolleyes: 
First, good for the coach.
It might be time to have a discussion about religion, just to see where he is coming from, and to show you are supportive, if there is any doubt. Besides that, it doesn’t seem much else is necessary. Being an atheist is a good answer to the question, but being open about it doesn’t mean shouting it to the rooftops for no reason. To paraphrase Lenny Bruce about being Jewish “it’s 3:15, and yes I’m an atheist.”
It was never an issue for me, and it’s never been an issue for my kids.
I don’t think that being an atheist is a major step. I think it’s natural for him, since he wasn’t brought up with any religion anyway. Why would he be anything but? However (and this is a response to another poster as well), proclaiming you’re an atheist to others does feel, at least, a bit uncomfortable. That’s why I usually wimp out and just say that I’m not really anything, or not religious, or something.
I know it shouldn’t be like that, but it sort of is. Some religious people (not all, obviously) seem to take offense when you say you’re atheist, like you’re challenging them or hate god or something.
For me, it was also the natural state. And, then as I learned more about religion, none of that ever made sense, so I went from a natural atheist (having never really thought about it) to a thoughtful atheist (having reviewed whatever evidence for gods and found it wanting).
To the others, I don’t know why the coach felt he needed to say something. I wasn’t there for the actual proclamation. He’s an older Italian guy, so maybe it just struck him as really odd for a kid to say. Hopefully, it doesn’t come up again.
So, just to be totally clear, I’m fine with my kid’s lack of belief. I was thinking things might just go easier on him if he was a bit more circumspect or used different phrasing. I’m sure he’ll figure it out, though.