Hi, my name is…well, just Call me Frank, and I’ve been a card-carrying atheist since some time around 6th grade and there are 2 questions about life as an atheist that I’d like input on:
If you have kids or plan on having kids, what are your plans regarding imparting your views to them? If your s/o is a believer, how have you handeled the issue of religion?
As an atheist, have you had trouble finding someone w/whom to have a relationship (For example, someone wouldn’t go out with you because you were an atheist)? IE, for the believers, would it matter to you if someone you were interested in was an atheist?
None of this is vitally important nor have I had problems with it. It’s just that I live in a small, fairly religious community, and I don’t know any other atheists w/whom to consult.
Thanks for your responses
And a note on my placement - I didn’t stick this in GD because I don’t intend for this to turn into a debate. If it still belongs there or elsewhere, I apologize for the inconvenience, lol.
I’m not going to have kids, so I can’t speak to the first question.
I have had one relationships end because of religion differences. I was dumped for Jesus. Well, it was actually that as things progressed he decided the religious differences would be a major problem for him, so he broke it off.
The current SO and I are both atheists, so it isn’t an issue.
However, I’ve got 1) handled already; I’m going to do the same thing my parents (somewhat inadvertantly) did with me. My mother is a Hindu and dad is a Catholic, and I was exposed to their religions and to others- we visited a Buddhist shrine a couple times, went to a mosque, etc.
I also went to Anglican boarding schools for most of my formative years so I got a pretty solid grasp of the Protestant side of Christianity too.
If the SO wants to teach the kids her faith, I have no objection, provided I get to show them what else is out there.
I tend not to be attracted to deeply religious people. In my experience, religious people my age aren’t very bright. I have had conflicts because parents objected to their daughter dating a “filthy heathen”…
Your friendly neighborhood psychedelic atheist conservative Republican responding here:
1.) I’ve put much thought into this. I was raised by an atheist anthropologist father who specialized in Japanese religion, and a Christian mother. I grew up atheist. While I don’t have kids (yet), I realize that any potential Ringo Jr. will have to interface with my sibs’ Christian kids. I would like to think that I’d be able to teach a kid tolerance of that which is of utmost importance to others, and can never be proven.
2.) Never a problem, but I’m a big city boy. The four significant SOs that have occupied most of my adult life include one atheist, two (reserved) agnostics and one Christian. During random dating days it was never an issue.
I’d want them exposed to other religions, all religions, not just the one the theoretical SO wants them to subscribe to, if they’re going to be exposed to any. I also want it to be their choice to go, so no dragging them to church before, say, age 10. I’ve found that the more I find out about other religious traditions, the more I’m cemented in my athiesm/agnosticism, the more it convinces me that people have been asking the same questions for thousands of years and no one’s found a decent answer. I don’t approach it from any real logical angle–I couldn’t (well, wouldn’t) write a paper, with cites, backing my position, like some GDers would–and I’m not out to convince anyone. They’re welcome to believe what they want and not inflict it on me, I guess, so long as they explore other options.
Never been an issue. People who preach tend to get driven away quickly. Believers who have problems with my joking about religion leave quickly. I don’t treat religion with any special care or treatment–I own a Bobblehead Jesus, after all–so people who don’t care for comments along the lines of “Yea, God may be your copilot, but you still don’t know how to f**king drive!!” and “…The Big Pink Pixie in the Sky!” disappear too. None of the people I’ve hung around with have been particularly faithful, or if they have, they haven’t bothered ME with it. But I’m young and lived in cities with a large “alternative” kind of community (New Orleans, SF Bay Area) or just big cities (Atlanta). And I’d go nuts in a small town where everyone went to church, so I feel for you, but I suspect there are a few that are keeping quiet, cause it can be quite hard for an athiest in that kind of town.
I think I’m set for the “expose to alternative religions, if any” idea as far as future youngin’s are concerned, because one of my biggest beefs w/christianity is how regular church-going can have an indoctrinating effect. That and the fact that they’re so damn sure they’re right, lol.
As far as people not accepting me for being an atheist, that hasn’t really been a problem. But recently a friend of mine (believer) broke off a relationship w/someone because he was an atheist…and that just cast a less than rosey vision of the future. I don’t expect all women, in my case, to do that, I just want to know what the odds are, lol.
My ex’s family is catholic and she professes to be one too. She’s raising our kids catholic and it’s never been a problem for me. For now, I keep my views to myself. When they get older and more ready to deal with more complex issues, I’ll tell them my views and let them decide. When they occasionally ask about Jesus, I tell them that some people think he was the some of god and some don’t.
My current wife is basically an agnostic, but she’d never admit it. She occasionally talks about going to church, but never does. Her brother has recently become very religious but he’s still a racist. I just hope that if there is a God, he doesn’t support things like that.
Anyway, your religous views will make certain people not want a relationship with you and there’s nothing you can do about it. My advice is not to get into a relationship with someone who it will be an issue with because it will just cause problems later on down the road.
(1) I don’t plan on having kids. If I did, I wouldn’t try to impart atheist ideals on them; they’d probably figure it out on their own after a while. (Afterall, I went to a Catholic primary school and I turned out just fine. ;))
(2) I’m not American, so this is definitely not an issue. I very seldom meet religious people. Church-goers in my age group are very rare and I wouldn’t be particularly interested in a relationship with a strongly religious person, anyway.
some people believe in gods and/or life after death, some don’t (mom and dad don’t)
it’s impossible to know the truth about the existence of gods
you don’t have to make up your mind about stuff like that unless you want to
When explaining to my then 2 1/2 year old, I described a god as “a kind of nice ghost who helps people”, and Jesus as “a man who lived a long time ago who said a lot of good things about how people should behave”. Later, I’ve introduced more critical views as well - such as when reading a cute book about Noah’s ark (a present from a Christian relative), I mentioned that in the original story, all the other people and animals on Earth drowned.
My first descriptions of the different religions were also brief (for instance, using the same one-sentece description for Christianity, Judaism and Islam), and going into more detail when asked. The children also learn about religions and life stances in public school here (mostly the state church version of Christianity, but also the others).
For a while my oldest kid said he believed in reincarnation, and that he was a tyrannosaurus rex in a previous life. Some time later, he said he believed that dead people became angels who got to play around on clouds. In both cases, I smiled and said OK.
I’ve never had any social problems (dating or otherwise) related to being an atheist, but atheists and agnostics aren’t unusual or controversial here (“here” = urban Norway).
<Guesstimate based on anecdotal evidence follows, not based on actual surveys>
I think devout Christians are more of a minority here. Most people have a vague feeling of “there’s probably a higher power somewhere out there”, are members of the state church because they don’t feel strongly enough about it to bother to leave, and go to the church mainly for major ceremonies like weddings because it’s a nice tradition.
</end guesstimate>
My kids are 4 & 6. The older one has some extremely religious friends so I’ve had to explain that Mommy and Daddy don’t believe in god, and to tell her friends she’s not interested in being preached to. I had avoided the whole religion thing entirely until she came home and told me that “god is up in heaven with angels and satan tries to get inside you.” :eek:
My hub is an atheist also, so no conflict there. I’ve never dated an overtly religious guy. I figure the purple hair, piercings and tatoos kept them away.
If you have kids or plan on having kids, what are your plans regarding imparting your views to them? If your s/o is a believer, how have you handeled the issue of religion?
As an atheist, have you had trouble finding someone w/whom to have a relationship (For example, someone wouldn’t go out with you because you were an atheist)? IE, for the believers, would it matter to you if someone you were interested in was an atheist?
QUOTE]
1)I will explain my believes to my children. The tell them that they are not neceserily right and they have to make up their own mind. And I’ve just realised I have no idea if my boyfriend believes in god or not! We’ve been dateing for 10 months and I’ve known him for years. I can’t believe I don’t know!
I’m going to do what my dad did – I’m going to have an entire shelf full of books from different religions for my children to explore. My dad says he’s Christian, but he reads everything from Scientology to the Torah. He has a high respect for every other religion on the planet. I sometimes think he’s agnostic, but he doesn’t accept that he is.
I’m an atheist, and I still have all those old holy books. I have them because of reference and because they give me an insight into culture. If I ever have a child I will let her read those books, if she wants, but I’m certainly not going to (or at least I am going to try not to) express any preference for one over the other.
I think reading about Hera and Frigda and Kali and Mohammed and Confucious will really give her in interest in other cultures and help her understand where they are coming from.
Not an issue here. Maybe it’s because some of my dad’s tolerance has rubbed off on me, and I generally don’t hang around with people who aren’t tolerant. My best friend is Wiccan, my other friends range from Catholics to Muslims to atheists like me.
My husband is an agnostic. He’s got a very good point when he says he just can’t know one way or the other, that it’s unknowable, although he does lean towards atheist.
I’ve never had a problem with religion with any of my relationships, although I did lose a friend once because of it.
If our kids have questions regarding religion we always answer in terms of “some people believe…” It’s clear that we don’t believe such things ourselves. I hope they can avoid conflicts, the way other minority parents hope their children don’t encounter prejudice. For some reason it’s more socially acceptable to bludgeon another person with your religion than it is to express even mild religious skepticism.
I was in a relationship a long time ago with a very religious person and it was insane. No way would I have considered marriage. For me, it would have been like marrying someone with a consuming belief in alien abduction. Too weird.
I’m an atheist who’s raised an atheist to adulthood.
I didn’t INITIATE conversations on religion or atheism with my daughter. She’d ask me, every now and then, about Jesus or God or the Devil. Or about Santa Claus or the Tooth Fairy or the Easter Bunny. In each case, I gave her as much information as I thought she could handle at the time. By the time she was able to formulate questions, she was old enough to understand about “make believe” stories. Usually, when she asked me about religion, I told her that I thought it was all make believe, but that some people REALLY believed it, and to be careful about their feelings.
My husband is an agnostic, and never really cared what I told our daughter (except for the Tooth Fairy). As far as he’s concerned, Sundays are for watching sports if he’s off work.
I never had problems finding dates. I did date a very fervent believer for a few months, and that cured me of wanting to date one ever again.
You didn’t ask but I’m gonna tell you…my husband DID encourage belief in the Tooth Fairy. My daughter figured it out fairly soon, but we all paid lip service to this fiction while she was losing teeth. She thought it was a fun game.
We also sort of celebrate Christmas. That is, we exchange gifts, put up a tree and decorate it, decorate the house to some degree, and have a Christmas dinner. My husband will always do his best to be with our daughter during SOME part of Christmas day. Considering the jobs he’s worked, this hasn’t always been easy, but he’s always tried. Oh, and sometimes we make a donation to some charity, something like PBS or an animal shelter at that time of year, too. Depends on our finances.
When she expressed interest in going to church, I allowed her to do so. It was usually because a friend invited her to church. I made sure that she had what I considered proper clothes to wear (a nice modest dress or skirt outfit) and some money for the donation (because I knew that she would feel funny if everyone else was donating and she wasn’t). She’s gone to services in several Christian churches. I don’t believe that she’s ever been to a Jewish or Islamic service, because she’s never had a friend invite her to one, and she’s never cared enough to seek one out. If she wanted to talk about it afterwards, that was fine, and if she didn’t, that was fine too. I know that she was involved in witchcraft for a while in middle and high school, but she’s dropped that, too. I’ve never deliberately exposed her to any religion, but I’ve never kept her from exploring any religion, either.
I do think that sometimes she misses certain references that based in religion. That’s the only downside that I can see.
Not quite an atheist - definitely don’t believe the fear of god theory - but do believe in a continuing energy (long story)…did have one relationship cleared up pretty quick when mother of date specifically asked me if I was going to have children - when I said I wasn’t interested- that was pretty much the end of that!
She was dutch and religious (so much for accepting everyone!).
But that was the only experience involved lack of, or too much, religion.
I’m not really a hardcore atheist, but do believe that most religions are a little, well, maybe self-interested is the best polite term. Our kids (almost 6 and 8) have been raised more or less like Lynn Bodoni’s. When our children were smaller we lived in Europe, where people really don’t discuss their religion much, then moved to Thailand, where there is a lot of religion but not of the US variety. So they were exposed to Temples and Spirit Houses to some degree, but didn’t really know or understand what they were for. Eventually one of our Chinese neighbors, who happened to be of a “born-again” Christian variety brought up the concept of “God” to our daughter. She wasn’t familiar with the word, and thought the other girl said “Guard”. There are a lot of security guards in Thailand, so she thought the other girl had asked her if she believed in “Guard”. “Guard” looks out for us and protects us. Sure, makes sense. So she announced that she now believed in “Guard” and did we believe in “Guard”? Since this was fairly comical we kind of let it ride.
Since then they’ve been exposed to concepts like Jesus and God in school. Not sure exactly how, I hope it’s from the other kids and not from the teachers, but it’s tough to tell. We also have a large Jewish community here and all of their nearby playmates are Jewish. So we’ve had to explain why some people celebrate Christmas (we do, similar to LB’s family), others don’t Jewish people, Buddhists (their Mom grew up Buddhist but doesn’t participate any longer), Hindus, Muslims, etc. We have some of each at their school so their is some exposure, albeit not much, to those other cultures. Now when my son asks when was Jesus born, I explain to him that some people think that Jesus may never have existed, some think he is the Son of God, some think he was a prophet (what’s a prophet, Dad?), some think he was just an ordinary man, etc., and that no one really knows when or if he was born. We actually have some pretty good theological discussions for kids that young. In fact, I’d wager that my kids get a more decent, logic based exposure to different points of view, and hopefully will some day be able to then make their own decisions in regards their beliefs because of this.
As for dating, back in the day it was never really an issue. I think that people who were prone to meet me were not likely to be spending a lot of time in church.
we have 3- my two oldest (stepsons) are fundamentalist southern baptists. They take after their dad. We just do our best to expose them to other traditions. Our youngest will be exposed to everything, and as we hope that we will move to a more urban area in the next few years, we hope that natural exposure will show him the right path for himself, whatever it might be. My wife and I don’t make an issue of our faiths because it could really hurt us if people found out about either - the Bible Belt is less than tolerant of religious differences, especially where children are involved (both of us are in education), and it could cause problems with custody of our oldest two.
religion has been an issue in the past w/ relationships, and almost was a huge block for my marriage. When FaerieBeth and I met, she was a lapsed Baptist, and was uncomfortable with my stance, preferring to think of me as just a lapsed Catholic. But we’ve both grown over the last few years, and she’s found a faith closer to her heart, and I’ve passed through a lot of my anger at the Church and religion in general.
Advice- either move to a larger area, or look around online- don’t feel trapped in a small town and small town mentality.
Atheist gal here. Don’t have kids yet, but hope to someday.
The two relationships I’ve had with religious people were disasters. Maybe some folks can hold atheist/religious pairings together, but I’m not one of them. On the other hand, the atheists/agnostics I’ve dated went swimmingly, so I think my future lies with another atheist.
Keeping that in mind, I plan to raise any future children as atheistic freethinkers. I’d like to expose them to different religions, and if they choose to become religious, that’s fine with me, but I’m not raising them in any religion. I’ll probably do what my family did with me – celebrate XMas, Halloween, etc. as holidays but with no religious sentiment.
Some time later, he said he believed that dead people became angels who got to play around on clouds. In both cases, I smiled and said OK.