Atheist with two kids, 22 and 17, both atheists now. What I did was just to teach them to think logically - useful in any case. We just didn’t do religion. They have not been kept from religion, and in fact both went to pre-school in a (liberal) Presbyterian church in our town. The minister lived across the street from us, and never, ever bugged me. Both kids have gone to religious social activities with no harm.
I did go over Genesis with both of them, when they were old enough, pointing out the obvious contradictions, absurdities, and lapses of logic - basically I MSTIed Genesis. I think that helped.
I never went out with anyone religious. My wife is officially Presbyterian but is now a weak Deist. I grew up Jewish, so we wound up getting married in the Ethical Culture Society without any mention of God. This was more because we couldn’t find anyone who would handle a “mixed” marriage where neither side wanted to convert or even ask the other person to convert.
I think it helped that my father-in-law is atheist, and my maternal grandfather probably was. He changed his name to sound less Jewish, and had no problem with his daughter marrying a Catholic, which was quite a scandal in the '30s.
Lynn et al - my family always celebrated Christmas as well…I figure that as a holiday it’s been far enough removed from a religious observation that it’s just logical to celebrate it. And there’s nothing wrong with the tooth fairy.
Stonebow - I don’t really plan on sticking around this area for the rest of my life…if for no other reason than I would think it depressing that I died here, lol. As for my friendships w/others, it’s never been much of an issue. I avidly debate many things and my willingness to debate the existence of god at the drop of a hat seems to keep the nuisance-types away.
I’m not aetheist, but believe something along the lines of Deism. In any case, I simply told the kids (16 and 15) to think for themselves. Whatever they believe about God is fine. I had no problem when my oldest son went to church with his friends, and my younger son occasionally brings up the creation v. evolution debate, of which I simply say I agree with his position and that he is doing right by thinking these things out for himself.
In a twist of irony, although my wife and kids are very laxed yet honest about our religious beliefs, I don’t tell my mother my views on Christianity. She was raised Lutheran and felt it necessary that I get the same treatment. She has told me that her ideal way of living would be completely through the church, which was her attempt in raising me. If I told her how I saw things, she would a) feel disappointment and guilt for not raising me right (however untrue), and b) spend the rest of her life trying to get me back into the church. Being that me and my mom live in different states, I choose to perpetuate the lie to prevent a much worse scenario.
Before I met my wife, I was engaged to a girl who decided to go back to her Pentacostal leanings. I attended her church a couple times to keep an open mind, but when her evangelical claws started sinking into my flesh, I bailed. Best decision I ever made.
Haven’t really had religion pop up as a matter with my son yet. As far as he knows, Easter is go-hunt-for-eggs-day, and Christmas is Santa-brings-goodies-day. I figure on addressing any eventual religion questions along the lines of “Some people believe this, I believe that, what do you think?”
My wife’s a former communist, so we never had any “compatability issues” there.
Generally speaking, IMO an atheist dating a theist should be no more complicated than a Jew dating a Christian, or a Catholic dating a Protestant – either someone converts, or else there’s just a mutual “we respect each other’s beliefs” thing going on. Anyone who refuses to go out with you because your beliefs doesn’t jive up with theirs is someone you don’t want to know long-term anyway.
I’m an atheist. I probably won’t have kids, but if I do I’ll tell them how I believe and why, and let them make their own decision.
My parents were a “mixed couple”, my Dad was an atheist, and my Mom was and is basically a fundamentalist Christian.
Funny thing, I knew my Dad wasn’t overly religious, but didn’t know he was a full-on atheist until my Mom mentioned it after he died.
When I was a kid, my Mom would take me and my sister to church, and my Dad would stay home to make a pot of tomato sauce for our Sunday pasta dinner (we’re Italian). The one time I asked him why he didn’t go to church, he said it was because someone had to make the sauce. I never asked again.
In fact, I never spoke to him about religion, ever, besides the intellectual “what others believe” type conversations. I meant to in the last few years, but I never did and now it’s too late. I never told my mom I was atheist, so he might have died not knowing we both had atheism in common.
If it depended solely on me I would raise kids 100% without religion… which also includes not saying that god doesn’t exist. I think people feel an urge to indoctrinate their offspring… I have no such need. When and if my kids ever want to indulge in religion it will be their choice, though I will be very open about my not so good opinion about religion.
Now if their mom (I plan to never have kids.. but lets imagine) is religious (light... I would never want a wacko religion wife) I would accept religious education that isn't outright fanatic/bigoted/exagerated. Again I wouldn't hide my opinion when they are older.
So so problem… but it has more to do with the fact that 2 of my exes were a bit shy sexwise due to too much catholicism. So I usually avoid presbeterian or catholic women if at all possible if they are too devout. Still usually people here aren’t too much into wearing their religion on their sleeves… you can avoid saying the dirty word “atheist” at all. They won’t put you against the wall to demand religious “status”.
My last ex did eventually confess that my atheism bothered her a bit… but not in the sense that she disliked me a bit for it… just that she would rather have me be a bit more “spiritualised”. I didn’t mind her religion either: Spiritism… actually learned a lot about it.
I suppose when the sex is good everyone moans “Oh my God” just the same…
Interesting thread. I don’t really have any advice, just a comment.
One of my best friends is a very attractive, intelligent, well educated woman. We briefly tried dating as we have very strong feelings for one another, but she is extremely religious and is a right wing conservative. I’m an agnostic/atheist moderate Democrat. Funny how I’m tolerant of her views, but she wants me to change. She doesn’t really understand that it isn’t that easy. My views on religion and politics are two things that make me who I am. While I’m open to debate on a lot of issues, I find it amazing that someone thinks I would even want to change my set of beliefs that way. As it is, we’re just going to remain friends and kind of try to ignore our feelings.
Honestly, I think the biggest problem for her is she is “very concerned about my soul” and prays for me all the time. I tell her that while I appreciate her concern and her efforts, I really feel pretty good about who and what I am, and that it really isn’t necessary. What it really comes down to, I guess, is she can’t deal with someone who she thinks is going to hell.
I would simply tell my children (and I do, I have a 6 and an 8 year old) that God is a story believed by some people - and it makes them feel good to believe it - so let them have their silly story - but it is (He is?), after all, just a story. I do not hold back educating my children that God is just something humans have invented to try and explain things they cannot explain. Do not sugarcoat this lie people!
No kids on the horizon, but if there’s one thing I’d like to do as well as my parents it’s letting my (hypothetical/eventual) children make their own mistakes and decisions while always being there to discuss afterwards. That includes discussions on the different beliefs people have - I hope to be able to teach them some critical thinking, and should they come to a different conclusion than I have, I’ll have to accept that.
I’m in Denmark, and the religious climate here is much like what hildea reports from Norway, that is, religious discussion isn’t that common, and most people are actually members of the (protestant) state church without really practising.
Sometimes people are taken aback when I tell them I spent Christmas day peeling potatoes and listening to mr. Bungle really loud while the rest of my family went to church (most people here attend that one time a year). Not so much because of my atheistic stance but because I’ve actually made a decision. Most people, including current SO, answer evasively when questioned.
Now, what I’d really like is a radicalization in religious matters. Get rid of the large group of lapsed I-don’t-really-know members of the church. Move some of them to the actively practising, more fundamentalist, even (sigh) proselytizing group. I can deal with - and respect - those. Take a stand, people!
(sorry for the hijack)
What this shows is, it can be a problem the other way around. Over here we get by without it barely being mentioned at all, people simply don’t want to deal with it which is annoying. Sorry to hear it’s a problem for you socially, but I think sticking with what you believe is your best bet - chances are you’ll find someone you’re compatible with.
I agree with you on the factual basis, but the problem is that I don’t want my kids [for those who know me, they understand the overwhelming optimism that’s implied in that statement :)] to grow up and listen to believers saying “You’re only an atheist because that’s all you’ve ever known” which is something I say to my faithful friends…largely because it’s true. Anyway, point is that I want them to be intelligent enough to realize atheism on their own right…
My main problem is figuring out how to do that with a faithful wife [maybe my sense of proportions is a little off, but I just thought the odds of me falling in love with a fellow atheist were somewhat low… I mean you can’t swing a cat w/out hitting a christian in this country, but you have to find an atheist…].
And that.sound.again, it’s not a problem for me yet…I hope it never will be, I just wanted to conspire w/my fellow heathens and see if it was going to be a problem. Right now, I have to find a g/f first…worry about this later.
Now if you will all excuse me I have a hot date. buzz Adate. buzz
Dinner with friend. buzz
Dinner alone. buzz
Ok, I’m going to ogle the women in the Victoria’s Secret catalog. buzz
…Sears catalog. buzz
OT I believe in the existence of everything (if you can name it and describe it then it exists in some form, doesn’t it? Kind of a reverse solipsism, I guess) but I choose not to worship any god. Is there a word for people like me as I’d like to be put into a pigeonhole.
She’s a Christian Scientist. Not a very devout one, but she’s got her spiritual stuff. It’s not really a source of friction, since her father is also an atheist. And hey, he married a Christian Scientist woman and it worked out fine. She has just about as much disdain for fundamentalists and other such nutjobs as I do. The things we have in common politically and personally make up for the differences on that topic.
When we have kids, they - like everybody else - will hear my opinions because I don’t stifle myself out of politeness. We haven’t really figured out the specifics. I think she’d like them to start out going to church when they’re young; I don’t. I think the kids should decide what they’d like to do when they’re old enough to figure it out. The answer to anything like ‘Why don’t you come to church?’ will be the honest one. One thing I won’t tell them is that the answer is unknowable. You probably think that’s a neutral viewpoint, hildea, but it’s not, it’s a specific push toward strong agnosticism.
Never dated an atheist, actually. Not by choice, it just happened that way. My best friend is an atheist and there was a time, years ago, when I was interested, but she wasn’t. That was the only time I tried, really. I would have problems with someone who is very religious or closed-minded about it, but this isn’t the case with Stardust and I so it’s a non-issue.
I was sure I’d answered this yesterday…but nevermind…
My husband is an atheist. I am a marginal Deist. We have two children.
We take our children to UU service once in a while, and hope to take them more often as they get older. I’ve convinced my husband that UUs do a good job at a few things that I (and he) thinks are important:
Give a good “comparative religion for children” basis. They learn the myths, practices and basics of the majority of major faiths - something a lot of non-religious children lack.
Give a foundation of a person’s place within and responsibilities toward society. Most religions do this, and, while we can, and do, self teach our children, its nice to have it reinforced.
Its was very strange to hear my husband refer to “our church” the first time.
Few of my friends are religous, and I’ve know people of a lot of faiths, so dating was never an issue for either of us.
so we never had any “compatability issues” there.
Still usually people here aren’t too much into wearing their religion on their sleeves… you can avoid saying the dirty word “atheist” at all. They won’t put you against the wall to demand religious “status”.