if that’s what you really think of other people, then I’d think the negative interpretations are more fitting for you. And if your boss is talking to you about it, consider you might actually be acting like an arrogant prick to other people.
Oh, I know. That’s what I said in the OP. The question is: “how?” Otternell gave some good pointers.
And I’m only arrogant in three specific fields: and I have over six years experience in them as opposed to less then one in my new boss.
That’s very *eigenwijs *of you.
So how do you pronounce that? I’m thinking Sound of music’s Edelweiss…and I can’t get that song out of my head.
Maastricht, I can’t help with your English, but in Spanish what you describe is known as “not having a left hand” (being able to turn people around to your own point of view without them noticing that you’ve effectively turned them into guignol puppets is known as “having a left hand”; in Catalan, as “lifting their shirt”). Every time Littlebro has to speak with the Chileans, his boss tells him “remember you got two hands, use the left one if you can find it.”
Nava, that is exactly what I mean. And that is a very cool expression. So, any self help books on left hand use?
I sometimes wonder if my troubles are mainly caused by my mild, chronic depression that I’ve had for the last six years. Irritability is a symptom of that condition that I certainly have more then before my depression.
Humm - well, a couple of things.
One - six years of experience isn’t all that much in any field, really. I would say it makes you intermediate level in pretty well everything I can think of as opposed to super-expert, or however it is that you look at yourself.
Two - your boss wasn’t likely hired to do you job - he was hired to manage you doing your job so he doesn’t necessarily need to have the same amount of experience (although I guess it depends on exactly what his job entails.) Regardless - he was hired for a reason.
Three - if you really are as good as you say you are, you could probably get away with being even more of a drag than you are. I’m rather prickly at work. Crabby. Snarky, even. However, I continue to get promotions despite my porcupine like exterior because I’m very, very good at what I do and people are willing to put up with me being a big crab. Soooo - maybe when you’re hollering and snarking and being dismissive of other people’s point of view the ire from your superiors/coworkers comes not from your tone, but because you’re not actually correct about what you’re arguing about. Ya know?
So with those ideas in mind, perhaps when a coworker suggests something or makes a comment that you disagree with before you charge in with guns blazing, stop for a minute and ponder if they may be correct. And even if you decide they’re NOT correct, think about what merit their idea might have even if it’s not correct in its entirety. There are very few things that are totally black and white (although I suppose if you’re an accountant and someone is doing math incorrectly there’s not a ton of wiggle room there).
Perhaps if you take a moment to consider that a stupid sounding idea might actually have merit before you comment on it, you’ll be more thoughtful in your comments, and thus less pigheaded.
Sometimes arrogance *is *truth. Just because someone thinks they’re smarter than the people around them, it doesn’t necessarily follow that they’re wrong.
This is *highly *dependent on the culture of the office. I have seen people get in loads of trouble for being competent and thereby further highlighting the incompetence of those around them.
Yep - certainly.
However, I do think there’s some utility in considering the possibility that you’re not quite as good as you think you are as well.
I mean, generally I think doing well at work, receiving promotions, being praised for performance is at least somewhat of an indicator of performance. On the other hand, being demoted, or put on probation, or sent out for therapy (or whatever it is that exactly happened to Maastricht could generally be an indication that you’re not doing as well as you thought you were.
I mean sure - maybe everyone in the office is an incompetent boob and the place is going to go down in flames. Or MAYBE you’re the problem, and huffing and puffing and acting like a blowhard just makes your coworkers think you’re a jerk, as well as not being right nearly as much as you think you are.
It’s just another option, ya know?
I know. I was simply offering some alternative experience.
In America, if we wanted to spin the term to more favorable terms, we might consider you “stalwart”. Of course, that also has Germanic roots.
Alice in Wonderland, (Congrats on the new baby BTW!) I never said my co-workers are the problem, so most of your post is not helpful to me at this stage. Your solution to your own “eigenwijsheid” is to work hard and be the best. I’m seeking another solution, more along the lines of improving my social skills. The problem, as I pointed out, is that I find that hard to do. My depression/irritability worsens, or even created, the problem, as I did not have this problem five years ago when I wasn’t depressed. So, given my difficulties in "just acting differently (If it had been so simple, believe me, I would have done it already) what advice can you give me?
:: off to googling " stalwart"::
True, but people’s dislike of arrogant individuals often doesn’t depend on whether they have the right to be arrogant. It’s based entirely on the fact that you make other people feel bad.
“being right” isn’t a license to shit on people.
I question your native Dutchness and basic English skills if you have to Google Stalwart.
Humility is the answer.
Many people have told me that I a the smartest person they know, including a guy who worked with a Nobel prize winning economist. But I consider being intelligent like being tall. It lets you help short people get the stuff down from the top shelf but it’s just dumb luck that you have it. So if you are one of the people that has got it you owe it to everyone to use it for the common good.
Just don’t be a dick about it.
I was called “juffertje Eigenwijs” (missy Eigenwijs) al through primary school by my teachers. It was NOT a compliment. I think I grew out of it, but overcompensated to the point of becoming a bit of a people-pleasing doormat. Now, I’m not saying you that if this is causing you problems at work you shouldn’t take some steps, however, a bit of “eigenwijsheid” is a good think IMO. Too many people blindly following orders already.
No, but there’s a big difference between “I’m smarter than the people around me” and “I’m surrounded by fools.” One is a simple non-judgmental statement of fact, and the other is a red flag that you’re likely an asshole. Someone can be not as smart as you and still be a reasonably smart person with worthwhile contributions to make. A fool, otoh, isn’t a smart person and doesn’t have anything worthwhile to contribute. It’s not arrogant to acknowledge that you have a higher IQ or more experience than someone else, but it is arrogant to assume that you are therefore infallibly right about everything all the time.
Keep in mind I say all this as someone who is a) more intelligent and more experienced than 90% of my coworkers and b) from a family who are all right about everything all the time. (My cousins and I refer to this latter as the familial “rightness gene.”) I believe the term my kindergarten teacher used was “Little Miss Know-it-all.”
I don’t know it all. Nothing even remotely like it, honestly. And that is one of the very most valuable things you can ever know in my line of work. Pointing that out is probably the wisest and most helpful thing anyone has ever said to me at work, and it was said by someone not nearly as intelligent as me. There’s nothing quite like that knowledge to keep one’s head deflated.
And in the words of my mother, if everyone in the world is an asshole or a fool except you, the problem ain’t with everybody else.
I’m curious about the word. It looks as though it means something like “self smart.” Is that the idea–sort of like self-satisfied in English?
Humm - I’ve obviously misread your posts then, and I assume that Sean is your boss?
If that’s the case then it sounds like you have a boss problem, not a personality problem. In that case, perhaps you could try communicating via e-mail more than in person - for instance if Sean asks for a briefing for an upcoming meeting, say you’ll send him the details via e-mail. That gives you an opportunity to give him the information without worrying about the “OhmygodIhavetotalkreallyloudandfastsoheknowsI’mtotallyright!!!” syndrome as well as reviewing the message before you send it to check for arrogance, or know-it-all-id-ness.
Obviously you’ll still have to talk to him sometimes, but perhaps try to think of him as a younger brother or cousin - you wouldn’t want to be mean or bossy or nasty to that person even if you felt they were incorrect - perhaps if you change your way of viewing him you’ll be a bit less cranky when you deal with him.
Again, I assume (perhaps wrongly) that he has SOME credentials or he wouldn’t have been hired - you didn’t apply for his job and not get it did you? 'Cus that could make your demeanor unpleasant as well.
Yes, “self-smart”, but I personally would tend to translate it as “stubborn”, which does not quite cover it, though. I would say the original term is mildly negative, but you do sometimes see people using is positively. I’ve seen various funky small clothes boutiques or bistro type restaurants called “Eigenwijs” and they sort of use it to mean “original, not following the herd”.