I'm so pretentious that...

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

“Hi. I’m drop and I’m pretentious.”

I think if we were honest with ourselves, many of us would make that same admission. So, here’s your chance to not only come out of that closet but, as pretentiousness is highly competitive, beat your fellow Dopers with just how pretentious you are. I’ll start it off:

I’m so pretentious that, when I have a song stuck in my head driving me crazy, it is often a Kurt Weill/Bertholt Brecht song. Not one of the famous ones, either. In German. And I don’t really speak German.

Beat that.

2

Since checking my grades online, I’ve started wondering how I can subtly work my straight A’s into casual conversation.
Does this count as pretension or just plain geekiness?

3

…that I named a Board after myself. :smiley:

4

When I go to French restaurants, I order --and converse with the waiters— in French. Ditto for Spanish restaurants.

I am a show-off.

5

I pronounce the word either “eye-thur” rather than “ee-thur.” It’s not because of the local accent where I grew up, either, I switched on purpose because I think it sounds classier.

6

…I’ll knock someone by saying “He’s no Phi Beta Kappa.” Because I am.

Pathetic, but Hell, I gotta get something out of it besides a secret handshake.

7

I’ll tell you, casually of course, that I set two new production records at my job this month, and just yesterday moved 100 (yes, that’s 100) tons (and yes, that’s tons) of books by hand in 12 hours.

Damn, I’m good. But I’d never tell anyone that, since I’m just so modest. :wink:

8

Creak! That’s French!

(grabs Creaky’s hand and starts smoochying up her arm)

I am pretentious and self-assured enough to quote a dopey early-'60s teevee show in a thread where everyone else is showing off how erudite they are.

9

It’s so refreshing to find someone else who uses erudite so casually.

10

…that I purposely you big words or off beatt allusions to confuse people some times. I do this especially if I don’t like the person.

11

Mrs. Rittenhouse: “I wash my diamonds in champagne and my emeralds in lemon juice.”

Eve: “WASH them? When mine gets dirty, I just throws them away!”

12

Which one? I’ve sung most of Die Dreigroschenoper, Die Sieben Todsünden is rarely performed, and I haven’t seen Aufstieg Und Fall Der Stadt Mahagonny in a long time. (Of the solo songs, “Und Was Bekam Des Soldaten Weib?” is one of my all-time favorites).

13

Pretentious? Watashi?

14

I put coasters under my beer bottles. And not just when they are resting on the good plastic yard furniture.

15

I did that too! :smiley: And I also keep the fork in my left hand when using a fork and knife…

Also, when someone mentions that an unusual word was used (or coined) by Shakespeare, I make a point of supplying the quote in which it appears without looking it up.

16

Ukulele Ike!

Mais oui, c’est francais que je parle. Comme Moritica de la famille Addams, exactement! (Avec robe noire et peau blanc…)

Ah, mon cher Ike! Suivez-moi au jardin pour un moment…

That is also one of my favorite old “New Yorker” cartoons. Actually, it was Charles Addams who inspired me to become a cartoonist!

(A bit pretentious to do at least half of this post in French, non?)

17

When referring to any type of vegetation, I always use the Latin nomenclature.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I gotta go put Roundup on all them Taraxacum out there.

18

I am so pretentious that:

I’ve broken up with people over their poor table manners

I also pronounce “Eye-thur” and “nye-thur”

I insert literary quotes (with citations) into casual conversations, business meetings and minutes reports

I use Latin/Greek plurals on words that have become Anglicized: “Foci” rather than “focuses”, “pentia” rather than “pentiums”, etc.

I correct people who use “data” in place of “datum” or who simply apply a singular conjugation to “data”

I try to only buy books in first editions. This has made for some wonderful pieces in my library, but I have to tell you, my copy of the Torah was a bitch to track down.

19

I’m so pretentious that I actually pay people to sit around and let me know when these pages have finally loaded. :wink:

20

Today, it’s “Anstatt Das” (Dreigroschenoper) and “Bilbao-Song” (Happy End) taking turns in my head.

No, a bit pretentious was ending your post with the “non?” Half the post in French was pretty darned pretentious.