So, that’s what I am. <sigh>. My boss said so in my last performance review, so I better gotta pay attention.
Like most such people, I would rather describe that trait in a more rosy way. I’d love to think my trait is just equal parts intelligence, impatience, and enthusiasm. And I derive some hope in the fact that several people don’t have this problem with me at all. And that is less of a problem in forums.
Still, it is probably something (one of the many things, <another sigh>) that I need to work on. Does anyone have the perfect self-help book for me? Or know of a job where that trait is a (heh) perk?
And is there some ironny to the fact that this cocky person has sincerely asked for advice on this messageboard, and has -gasp- even often followed the advice?
Can you give us some examples? There’s a big difference between Perky and Pig-headed. . . or is it perkily pig-headed? (My sense is that you are exacting, but in a cheerful manner?)
What is the self-describing word for those traits?
ETA: I looked up exacting, a word that I until now didn’t know. But no, while I have been called that too, that is not exactly it. I think the biggest problem is one in manners, coming from an underlying feeling of being “surrounded by fools” who nevertheless want to opine on my particular area of expertise.
Whatever it is, I have never been called it outside of work. Work brings it out in me. We are a non profit, (government) so there is a lot of what I view as ineffectiveness and pussyfooting going on. And my opinion probably shows in my demeanor.
I currently also have some form of mild depression, and irritability is a big symptom for me. I also have become far less conflict avoidant in the last few years. All that adds up.
My boss said that once I think something is the best way to do, he needs not a hundred, but two hundred arguments to the contrary. I, on the other hand, just don’t hear any good arguments coming from him at all. :dubious:
Stubborn, impatient (especially with foolishness), contrary (my boss says that I would argue with him if he said the sky was blue), aggressive (as opposed to assertive).
I’ll be watching this thread, as I could use some help in this regard as well!
In English “Doesn’t suffer fools lightly.” A trait that your doctor won’t like, because it raises your blood pressure, and the fools in your life won’t like, because it makes them look bad. I’m betting that the vast majority of Dopers have this “problem.”
Perhaps, (and thanks :)) but I’m still getting, well, not fired, but the pussyfooting way of fired. Therapy, outplacement, yada yada.
Besides, I feel I should be able to change my own improductive behavior. That I can’t seem to consistently do so, well, who’s the fool then?
I’m having a hard time wrapping my mind around all the possible English translations you listed. Each has a different spin, some positive, some negative.
Could you post a couple of examples in Dutch? They’d have to be pretty simple for me, like a short news blurb you’d see in the Algemeen Dagblad’s mobile website.
Spectre of Pithecanthropus; it’s more in the way how things are said, you know? Like when I lose my patience and instad of saying : “That’s a very good point Sean, but I think you’ll find we offered a solution for that on paragraph four” I just start getting talking fast and telling them how they’re wrong.
Or when my new boss faces a difficult meeting and wants me to brief him as I used to do that meeting, I tell him what he should do and I start talking fast and my tone becomes too insistent. That sort of thing.
Oh that. I definitely can’t help you with changing the underlying emotional/attitudinal issues, as I am definitely guilty myself.
However, changing the tone to just go along to get along, is pretty much necessary. Again, I am not always successful, but when I am entering a situation with people that I know will irritate me, I mentally prep myself to “stay calm”. Then when I am asked a stupid question (yes yes, there are no stupid questions, blah blah) I take a deep breath (not obviously) and hold it for a 3 count and slowly exhale. All while putting on my best “I’m thinking and taking your question seriously” face. Practice this at home, so that the breath is not obvious and the face is acceptable.
That generally gives me enough mental room between the dumb question and my response that I can tone it down and keep it cool. The key to what you said is that you were talking fast - this technique will help you slow down, and that will make it easier to manage your tone of voice appropriately. Also, while you are taking that breath, try to still all fidgety motions, if you have them, as they will make you speed up again.
You’ll feel silly practicing the face and breath thing at home, but once you have it down, people will feel more listened to and feel like you took them seriously.
I almost forgot (and too late to edit of course) that adding softeners to your answer is helpful. “I think”, “it seems to me” etc. Then you aren’t coming across as so insistent. But if you over-use softeners you will lose power in the conversation - it’s a careful line. Right now you are keeping too much of the power and not allowing anyone else to have power, so people don’t like talking with you. It seems to me, that you have to share some of the power in order to have any at all.
IMHO, YMMV (notice that all of these are the internet softeners - you need to find the appropriate ones to use in conversation.)
Tell them exactly what you think, but only tell them once. Refuse yourself permission to repeat the statement. Release your suggestions like butterflies. If they physically heard you, they won’t be able to ignore it forever; in a quiet moment, it will come back to them.
Choose to be the person they wish that they had listened to. (And never, never say “I told you so”; make them realize it on their own, or suffer for their ignorance.) They will eventually begin to pay attention whenever you speak.
And if they don’t follow your suggestions, that’s OK too. You have to let them be wrong sometimes, otherwise they’ll never learn.
You sound a lot like me. These are some good adjectives. If people don’t use these terms in reference to you, calmly explain that they are idiots and should shut up and listen so they can learn something useful.
if that’s what you really think of other people, then I’d think the negative interpretations are more fitting for you. And if your boss is talking to you about it, consider you might actually be acting like an arrogant prick to other people.
no, because you really just want everyone to agree with you that you’re really as great as you think you are, and that everyone else are indeed fools.
