Sigh, I don’t know where to begin. Last week the relationship with the woman I was dating finally ended. It’s really a good thing because she was not right for me, not honest with me and did not trust me. But now I’m alone. I don’t mean single. Single’s not bad but alone.
Yes I have my friends and thye are a rock for me to lean on but I need more than my friends. I need something else… It’s not acceptance it’s I can’t put my finger on it, but what’s happened over the past frew nights is hurting me.
I’m on AOL (I know mistake #1) and in a Chat Room (Mistake #2) just talking to people. Our conversation is going good until they ask me for a pic. After I sent to them they either log off or don’t respond to me.
Am I that ugly that the people who don’t know me don’t want to get to know me? I don’t know but it hurts. I’m not looking for a relationship now or even meeting in person just people to talk to. I don’t know why this hurts me as much as it does.
There are two pieces in the above post that you should consider together. One…it was LAST WEEK. Two…it hurts. Part two is definately related to part one. I know it sounds lame but please give the pain some time to subside before you try again. Your heart is badly scraped up…all raw nerve endings, all close to the surface. You’re looking for someone to make that stop, to make it go away. But that’s asking too much of someone you meet in a chat room, and you’re not really in the position of being able to offer much in return.
Let some time pass. The pain will lessen, and then you’ll be ready to try again. But do it in person. Why buy more pain?
Hmm. No I don’t think thats it. I’m just looking for people to have a normal conversation with and 100% of them stop talking after they see my picture.
I don’t have any pain over that relationship because of what she did. It’s like taking a wound and putting a flame to it one breif moment of pain then nothing. I’m really just intrested in strangers to talk to and have no intention of ever meeting them in person it’s just when they see my pic they run.
I am also of the opinion that you are rushing things. This is you time. Take it for yourself. Do stuff you couldn’t do as a couple. Listen to your music, eat your snacks. Who cares right now if some shallow people on AOL (gawd almighty, they can be shallow) don’t find you attractive? What’s important is how you feel about yourself, and right now it seems you’re feeling pretty darn low.
May I suggest that you get to know people in chat really well before exchanging photographs? It helps to weed out the people who are interested only in appearance.
Some people are attractive without being photogenic and that may be part of the problem. Allow someone to get to know you and not just your exterior. (I speak from experience; I married my computer mate whose photo I did not see for months and then it was awful!)
The pain that you are going through is unavoidable, I’m afraid. It’s not much comfort, I’m sure, but it is normal and it does pass. It sure is hell to live through. I’m sorry that you are hurting. The most important thing is to not let it keep you from loving again.
Can we have a photo, please? If you’ve got any abnormality or deformity, I suppose it’s best to mention it in advance of posting photographs on AOL (which I’m unfamiliar with), but otherwise I’m surprised at the almost universal reaction. Are you really that ugly, or is it something other than the photo that is putting them off? Or something in the photo, perhaps?
Zoe thats a great suggestion, I just hate saying No when someone asks me if I have a picture because I do and I don’t like lying to anyone.
Having someone get to know who I really am is something that I want, my friends know the real me and thats who they love but honestly I don’t know if it’s the pain of the relatioship ending which really ended a month before we broke up. I don’t know if she broke up with me or I broke up with her, that part doesn’t matter because whats done is done.
I have a big heart which lets me easily love someone even after they hurt me. and it’s not going to stop me from loving anyone else. They say you will find love when you are not looking for it, and I’m not looking until early March. I WANT to be single through the Christmas/Chanukah holidays and Valentines day. But yes it’s acceptance that I’m looking for I want people who don’t know me to accept me. Thats what hurts, the feeling of not being accepted by the general pouplation. I know I’m accepted by you guys but lets face it the pouplation of the SD is for the most part very intellegent people who know books can’t be judged by the cover.
One thing I wish I could do but I can’t get myself to do right now is cry. Not over her or the situation but in general, They say a good cry can work wonders. Right now my eyes just dear up but that the end of it. I don’t get the sweet feeling of those salty drops running down my cheek.
Well Roger it’s not like I have an extra limb or I’m missing an eye or have an extra one or something but here is a page I just put up that has the picture I’ve been sending on it
Well, just a bit tubby, but can’t see anything else untoward. I think you should lose the friend, though. That might be putting some people off, if it’s you they are interested in.
I think you’re cute, but that’s a dreadful picture, for several reasons. One, it looks like you already HAVE someone. Why would a woman want to respond positively to a picture of a guy having what appears to be a great time with another woman. Why bother? I know you say you don’t, but then why post a photo that shows you with a person who could be taken to be a girlfriend? And that picture doesn’t show your face much. It’s you, someone ELSE and a front seat. There must be pictures that show you, really you, by yourself and doing something else besides sitting in a car.
Yes, I think the problem is just that the photo isn’t very flattering. If you can get a clear photo taken of yourself, alone and preferably smiling, I think you’ll get a much better reaction.
Ditto on lavenderviolet’s suggestion. Get a better pic, no sunglasses, and all alone, not being silly. And…you know I’m not benig mean, but I must say - lose the shirt. Please!
Yes to all the above. MannyL, your friend may be the most fantastic woman in the world, but (and I say this as someone who is morbidly obese herself) women will be turned off by her presence in the picture because they will see you as a heavy guy who can only hang around with really heavy people. Don’t know if I can explain clearly enough, but the only person in that picture that women can project THEMSELVES onto is your friend, and no one wants to picture themselves as heavy, even if they are. Even a woman who has no problem with chunky guys might be turned off by that photo because of the overall effect that it creates. The fact that you are both having fun in your picutre is wonderful, but the fact that you are both heavy is distracting and the setting (inside a car) makes you look cramped and probably a great deal larger than you are.
As I say, I myself am exceedingly heavy, and even I don’t like to look at things that remind me of my own weight.
I suggest a reasonably decent professional photo or just a really good shot of you with something you are interested in taken by a talented friend. Use a picture of you with your dog, or your cat, or your car or your guitar or your telescope, or your computer, or your SOMETHING, but not you with a woman friend.
Please don’t be too discouraged. There’s love out there waiting for you, but this just may not be the way to find it.
Before I saw my husband’s photo, I would look at strangers that I met and wonder if that was the incredible man I was talking to on my Commodore 64. I was so crazy about his mind that it wouldn’t have mattered what he looked like. (I think I met maybe one exception in three months! :))
A relaxed self-confidence, honesty, and spirit of fun are more important to most women. Grooming helps too!
