I have had a bad year. Not much seemed to go well, but these last weeks have been kind to me and lots of stuff are looking up and the next few months are looking to be great.
In between, I was talking to a man I met online - we met via a very specific forum (very focused - but not relevant to my vent). If it is relevant I am female.
After connection, we spoke daily for about a month or more. Then he said he would like to meet. Distance is an issue for him but not for me. I can and will travel as I want to.
He asked me for a photo and I sent one. Since then I have heard nothing. After talking every day for a month, I send a pic and then zero communication.
Now, I know that I am not Hollywood beautiful, but neither do I think I am super ugly.
Pic is in gallery - you judge.
I get that maybe he is not into me, but why no reply?
But on topic: How long has it been since you sent the picture? If you sent it three days ago you might be overreacting, if you sent it three weeks ago then you’re suspicions are likely correct.
You have to keep in mind, if your picture is indeed the reason for him cutting off contact, that it doesn’t necessarily make you ugly. Different people are attracted to different things. If he is very attractive (or thinks he is), he might have higher standards than most men.
I’m ashamed to say it, but I’ve acted similarly to this guy. I’ve never just suddenly cut off contact like this guy has, but it’s all basically the same thing, regardless of how polite I was versus how polite he was.
You look perfectly regular and normal and you have nice, long, blond hair. Did he send his picture? What are the ages of both of you, if you don’t mind me asking.
Both of us are well mature in age (40’s). He is Mediterranean origin. I am Irish origin. We had a nice dialogue until I sent a photo. Now I do not hear anything.
This is what I do not get.
Most people don’t accept the jerkish culture promoted in the online world where you can just stop talking to someone on a whim without even saying goodbye. You start a conversation, you have a responsibility to end it.
It’s really hard to understand why people think this is okay, when they won’t treat a person like this in real life.
IFFFF you were fairly honest about your looks BEFORE you sent the pic, there are two not so bad possibilities.
He thinks you are “good looking” but you really arent his type. Not the best news, but also not something to take too personally…these things just happen.
He may also think you are way better looking than he originally thought and now is wondering how to approach you or tell you he looks not nearly as good as you or nearly as good as he lead you to believe he looks (which may be true or just in his head).
In all likelihood, the answer is that there was no response because it would be difficult to send one, and much easier to do nothing at all. It’s a difficult thing to do to put into writing an appropriate sentiment that is in the end communicating “Thanks but no thanks.” And that’s all there is to it. The person on your end inevitably feels pretty fucked over by the situation, understandably, but from this guy’s perspective, you’re going to feel bad either way, and his options are to deal with it or to avoid it, and that seems like an easy choice. Lots of people aren’t into lots of people, and it’s hard to tell the ones they aren’t into “You actually are cool, and I don’t want you to feel bad, because this isn’t a value judgment or anything, but I’m not into you as it turns out.” That takes work, and people don’t like work. So there it is.
As BigT suggested, that kind of approach to a situation where one feels ambivalent about the romantic prospects is de rigeur on the internet. And I think people do that shit in ‘real life’ all the time anyway. Not as much as on the internet, but the internet isn’t real life. Little consolation, I’m sure, but I think the inevitability of it and the fact that millions of people are doing it to millions of other people probably does suggest that, you know, oh well. Certainly it would be better handled more directly, so it’ll have to just go into the file with all the other things that most people don’t handle in the most sympathetic way.
I looked at your Portrait gallery photo and you look absolutely fine. You’re pretty and have a nice natural appeal. Considering that I’m a 51y.o. woman, maybe I’m judging from a completely different perspective, but still, I absolutely can’t imagine someone being distraught at your looks.
Did he ever give you any indication that he prefers a certain type of woman? If it was the same photo, maybe you look casual and he’s looking for glamour? But geez, to judge on one photo would be silly. But who knows.
I remember years ago I answered a personal ad (only one ever!) in the paper and we had several great conversations. Talked at length over the course of a couple of weeks and finally decided to meet. Instant death to any hope of a relationship. We had coffee and chatted, but there was no attraction to each other whatsoever. We parted pretty quickly and never spoke again! If I’d seen his photo before talking to him, I probably wouldn’t have followed up. Totally not my type. But honestly, if I’d seen his photo AFTER talking to him, I would probably at least still wanted to meet him in person just to see if there was something more in real life.
They both involved girls who I’d seen pictures of, found them attractive and chatted them up. Later, after getting quite close to them online, I discovered that the pictures they’d had up were old and they’d changed quite substantially in the past months/years, whatever.
I’ve never done what the guy you’re talking about did, I’ve never just stopped responding to a girl like that. But I did immediately tone down my interest, hoping they’d take the hint. Both times they did, though I could tell that they were upset.
I don’t know what to say. I can’t really help it if I’m not attracted to someone.
All that being said, I trudged through the forum and found the gallery and looked at your picture. News flash:
