A bit back, my boyfriend and I broke up so I am once again back into the deep end of the dating pool. First thing I did was the laziest step: I reactivated my OKCupid account to see what came my way, So far, there have been a few seemingly good guys, but after a bit of chatting they inevitably send me dick pictures or ask me about my fetishes. Sir, take me out first, c’mon! The vast, vast majority of messages I get are creepy, weird, and overtly sexual. In fact, I just got one from a guy who legitimately said: “Hey can I blow my load on your Obama shirt?” You get the idea.
After much pressure from my friends, I starteda blog that chronicles the ridiculous messages I get (and shockingly, I seem to be able to update the damned thing hourly).
Anyway, the purpose of this thread isn’t so much to pimp my newest endeavor, but instead to hear your horror stories. Please, tell me I’m not the only one this crap happens to. Please.
I should stop being so feisty and just go to that strange man’s hotel room, amirite? I suspect that gentleman is mistaken that “feisty” is a synonym for “not easily rape-able.”
I’m a guy so I get a thousand times less of them than you, but yes, I get them. The [del]worst[/del] best was a woman in her 60s who messaged me repeatedly (without a response) for about a month. I finally asked her how old the children she’d mentioned on her profile were, because I knew the answer I suspected would just make it better. It did: They were both older than me.
The other few sexually explicit messages I’ve gotten probably would have been a lot better received had I been attracted to the senders. What can I say? I’m a pig.
I’m truly sorry you are experiencing this. While I’m sure you are a strong person with the understanding of human nature that allows you to put it into perspective, as well as in possession of a sense of humor to slough it off, it’s still at its essence grossly offensive.
I used to work in a convenience store in Las Vegas. And I wore a wedding ring. I could count on receiving at least half a dozen propositions every shift, along with occasional Gratuitous Penis. Now, I probably didn’t get as many penis encounters as you get, but on the other hand, mine were live and in person.
I have to wonder at the thinking behind some of these approaches, though. “HI” three times, and then saying “Let’s fuck”. Does that ever work? Are women supposed to fall into a swoon at the sight of a penis? Or get on their knees and start sucking immediately?
Or are men so overcome by Italian feistiness that they just lose all capacity for rational though?
It seems that’s what I need to do to get any kind of response then. I usually write a few sentences and say a thing or two about their profile and ask a question or two. I get about one reply back out of 30-40 I send out. Is it ok if I use the cum on your Obama shirt line?
I actually respond to guys who talk to me like normal people-- either asking me about something, asking how I’m doing, or referencing something on my profile. 9 times out of 10, messages from me go unresponded, because. . . well, you can see the blog.
Some of my stories; nowhere near as bad as yours. I tried the online dating thing when I was in my early 20s.
-The woman whose husband was in prison and was looking for a short-term thing until he got out.
-The “woman” I enjoyed emailing with (just like 1 or 2 exchanges) until she told me she was fifteen. I shoulda just blocked her at that point, but instead I tried to explain why I wasn’t romantically interested in a 15-year-old, and oh the histrionics.
-My personal favorite: the woman who was just looking for a new relationship after her engagement failed. Because at her wedding she’d caught her fiance getting it on with the best man. So now she was living with her parents. And she’d tried to commit suicide twice in the past couple of months. HAWT!
To be fair, I wasn’t all that great a catch myself–I got weird when I was lonely, very Nice Guy weird (not Hostile Nice Guy, just Thinks That Being Best Friends And Then Soulmates Is A Necessary Precursor To Smooching Nice Guy), and that doesn’t work so well for dating. But I like to flatter myself that I wasn’t quite that bad.
The first thing that comes doesn’t appear to be their mind.
Absolutely recommend narrowcasting-there are singles sites for almost every interest, such as extreme sports (Google revealed a few such sites). Still have to deal with the usual issues surrounding a long-distance relationship (assuming you didn’t luck into finding someone in your area natch), but it’s better than dealing with the bottom feeders.
I once got a couple propositioning me for a threesome. That’s not even the weird part. In the same message, they asked me if my cat was spayed and did I want her to hook up with their tom. No, I’d rather not pimp my cat out, thanks.
