I’ve been active on an online dating site for around a year now without any significant progress. My question regards the frequency with which females view the profile of a male that has viewed her profile. It seems like maybe one out of two dozen will view my profile after I view her profile. Is this a common rate of reply viewing or do most males get much more reply viewing. Or do most women only view the male’s profile if he actually messages her first?
There’s a message that I receive an average of three views per week so I know there is at least some stealth viewing of my profile, but even if I canvas profiles for a week the stat still remains at three per week, so I don’t think they’re stealth viewing me as a reply viewing.
I’ve sent out maybe a dozen messages to women who viewed my profile in reply after I viewed their profiles, but haven’t received any reply messages.
Also I’ve received about a dozen likes, but only six or so remain because I don’t pay the fee to see who they’re from and they eventually remove the likes. I suspect that some of these likes are from the bots or phishers, or the dating site does them to encourage me to pay the fee.
And I live more than a hundred miles from most of the dating pool, so I can’t expect much interest in that regard.
I guess I just have to view it as a blog where I can post a lot of fun trivia about myself and expect no tangible results from it.
Actually I do get about one in two dozen that visit my profile after I visit their profile, which indicates some interest better than giving a “like” as those “likes” are visible only to members who pay the site fees.
But your reply answers my question in a roundabout way regarding whether females only tangibly respond to messages, rather than just views, from most males. I thought maybe it was common practice to first view profile, see who views your profile in reply, then message those from that subgroup who really interest you.
It’s not. Or even if it is a common practice, it’s still a bad practice. Be direct.
Also, stop using female and male as nouns. That’s a bad practice too. If you need a noun to describe a bipedal mammalian female of the species homo sapiens, call her a woman. It’s more casual and will trick her into thinking you have social/romantic interests in her.
Send messages. Lots of them, with complete sentences and interesting things about yourself, something like “Hi, my name is _. I noticed on your profile that you’re interested in _ – that’s something I enjoy as well. I’m also into _, _, and _, and my goal in life is to _. I’m looking to meet a smart, attractive, and caring woman for a [long term/casual] relationship. Some more things about myself: [height/weight, accomplishments and experiences, music/movies/TV shows you like, travel interests, alcohol/smoking/drug habits, exercise/sports habits, dining preferences, etc.]. If you’re interested in talking some more, I’d be happy to give you my phone number. Thanks for reading!”
Some women will respond to a thoughtful message like this. Not everyone, but some of them will. Just be patient (and kind and respectful, of course), and send a lot of messages, and you’ll meet some nice women.
Viewing your profile indicates curiosity about who viewed their profile. It does not indicate interest.
Very good advice. Sometimes when the whole process got me down and I couldn’t bother with it I would just like or wink to see if anything came back. The chances of that working for someone not Channing Tatum are slim.
As a newbie doper, and successful navigator of online dating (getting married in a month!) I am going to offer my services here, based on my own anecdotal experience, and in talking to many of my dates (successful or otherwise) on their experiences on Match/OKC etc.
First off, just viewing a profile, and expecting some response by return viewing is unlikely to be successful. If you view someone you like, you should send a message, otherwise don’t expect them to be interested. From what I have experienced, women get about 10 times more messages, views etc than men, and are going to be overwhelmed, so you need to stand out.
If I found someone who I was interested in, usually I would look through her profile, and find something she mentioned about herself that I could ask a follow-up question. One time, a woman wrote she liked Coen Bros. movies, so in my brief email I asked her which her favorite one was (and offered up my own favorite too). I found that you are more likely to get replies if you ask a question that shows you looked at more than pretty pictures.
This is all excellent advice. You absolutely have to take the initiative to send the first message, and rather than just talking about yourself you should always ask a question or two that shows you’ve read their profile.
I also made a point of talking to everyone who seemed even slightly interesting, because you just never know-- some people may not be good at writing about themselves, but they’re awesome in person (and, sadly, vice versa!)
I just got married a few weeks ago to someone I met online so I know it can work
I prefer to just let women contact me because sometimes I get bored browsing tons of profiles and sending messages. Especially if I sent out tons of messages and all they do is view my profile and don’t reply back:smack:
I’m a woman and have known quite a few that have also used online dating. My experience and theirs, is that we look at a profile that looked at us… Unless there isn’t a picture or the picture is of someone not attractive or doing something unattractive to me. For example, if a guy looked at my profile and in his picture he was wearing a pro-Trump hat, I’m not even going to bother.
Also, depending on the service, some will have snippets of the person’s profile. Sometimes these tell me all I need to know.
Also, do ask a question. It keeps the conversation going.
With about 95% accuracy I’ve found that those few women who have contacted me first are not ones I would be interested in at all. I’m willing to concede that women being more likely to make the first move may differ by age group. To put it bluntly, if I left it up to women to find me I will die alone.
My fiance’ contacted me first (winked at me on Match). But she was an exception, most of the time I did the outreach.
Depending on what you are looking for, I found that the for pay sites were better for finding people who were really interested in relationships and more likely to be responsive. OKC was fun and all, but more superficial maybe?
When I was in the online dating scene I was often curious about a man who had viewed my profile and would have liked to take a look at his. The reason I rarely did is because they can see when you’ve looked and inevitably, while I was still just looking, they would instantly message me because they can see I’m online and looking at their profile. Sometimes I just wanted to see who had viewed my profile and wasn’t looking to chat right then. So mostly I just left it alone.
Just like with anything, there’s good and bad. Plenty of fish was where I met my then girlfriend, and now my wife (I’m talking about the same person btw)
