Maybe this should be in GQ, but since the marriage may be mundane and pointless, I thought it might be better served here.
There’s this one guy, I’ll call him Chris, who is a good friend of a good friend of a good friend of mine. He lives in Germany but spent several weeks in New York last summer.
We hit it off (as friends, you sickos) and he calls me about once a month and I’ve written him a couple letters and we frequently e-mail.
Well, I’m trying to find him a job here in NY, and he’s trying to get approval to work. He’s in the TV business, if you care. Basically, it seems that if we were to get married (a sham, unfortunetly considering he is TOTALLY HOT) he would be able to get a job and live where he wants to. We’ve sort of joked about it, but I think I might consider it seriously.
I know this is sort of unethical and illegal, but rest assured he’d be an outstanding member of this society.
Basically, while I’m considering this, my questions are: how does one go about doing this in relation to INS? I know they require proof of love and devotion, etc. Have you or or has anyone you know gone through this? What would we be in for?
I have a good friend whose husband is Spanish. God, I’d never want to go through that crap. With your permission, I’ll forward your post to her and ask for info…
La Voz is basically top of the line (so-called “professional”) Rico’s.
2 1/2 - 3 1/2? I wanna hear you play, Uke! My mouth muscles aren’t that strong yet. I guess I’ve got to get the bottle out of mouth and start talking again. Sigh.
Glad you liked the pictures. I sent some to TubaDiva, too - I’ll show you the others at our next lunch. The sound was great - very mellow and warm. But there was this guy who kept rubbing something against my butt and I had to leave. Tourists, you know.
Uke, that one annoying piece (I have my Weltklang with me if you want to see it) has two screws that control the octave key. If the screws are too tight, I can’t push the octave key down. If they are too loose, I can’t play an octave because the projectile part doesn’t lift the piece on the neck.
The screws keep unscrewing while I’m playing so I have to stop and tighten them every few minutes. But if I tighten them too much, I have to stop and loosen them. Trust me, I’m going nuts.
I think the whole part needs to be replaced. Wanna come to Rod’s with me? Those fellas kind of creep me out a little.
The INS is skeptical of American citizen/non-American citizen marriages, and will poke their noses all around to make sure that it’s legit. The slightest indication that there is something fishy will create a major hassle all around. You will have to live together, be interviewed together and separately about things only intimates would know (like my husband could name my favorite perfume!), and all sorts of good stuff. I don’t QUITE think they come right out and ask if you have sex together, but you get my drift.
If they decide that the marriage is a sham, he’s deported, with nasty restrictions on when/if he can ever come back. There might be – I don’t know, am guessing – penalties of some sort for the citizen, too. I’m guessing that at some point you’d have to sign something under penalty of perjury affirming your married state, and the sincerety thereof, and thus you could be prosecuted for perjury.
Thank you, Melin, for your reply. I was kind of hoping INS would be really busy with other things (you know, the Cuban boy, etc) but I guess not. But what if we got married in Germany and I just brought him back here as my husband? Would they put a lot of effort into it then?
Alph, waddayamean you “don’t believe it”. Didn’t you find it odd that I had a Lou Bega CD? Well, guess who sent it to me?
Don’t try it. I am married to a Canadian. We were married in Canada. We are in love and live together – all the required stuff.
Nonetheless, Getting her resident alien status was a major hassle and involves notarized letters from neighbors and relatives, joint financial disclosures, and a whole bunch of other rigamarol – ending in the separate interviews where you’ll need to reveal a varaiety of intimate details that only two people who routinely share the same bed would know.
My wife and I made it through but I’ll admit to some nervousness – and we were legitimate applicants!
And yes, there are heavy penalties for perjuring oneself to the IRS.
I know several people who made green card marriages. And lived to regret it.
In the first place, it is majorly against the law and the INS roots these cases out pretty thoroughly. Because if they didn’t, everydamnbody would be doing it.
The hurdles you have to leap over to get citizenship for your sweetie is tough, doing it for a total stranger or even a good friend makes it even harder.
If you’re willing to lie to the government and live with this man as husband and wife in every way for the next 5-7 years, then you might have a chance to pull this off. But that’s what it takes. That’s holding yourselves out to be husband and wife, and living like that. People that go into it loving one another sometimes can’t make it through.
Then again, you might well fall in love . . .but that’s a mighty big if.
The list of potential problems is long, with the prospect of a fine and/or a jail sentence at the head of the line.
I’m gonna ask MontereyGo to comment in this thread; he used to work in an office processing exactly this kind of stuff and knows the score.
I have a pair of friends who are trying to do that very thing, and it is taking a while (she is Serb, he’s gay, a laff riot for the few people at the wedding in the know). Be prepared to know LOTS about each other for interviews-- He should know what brand and absorbancy of tampon you use, etc. Are you willing to live with him for a few years in close close contact until the papers work out? Etc.
Hey Saxface, my friend finally got back to me with her take on the situation. Her reply is below. Just FYI, they’ve been married for almost three years now and she’s pregnant with their first child.
I wouldn’t recommend doing it for a green card. It is stressful even if you are really in a committed relationship & they are pretty good about reading whether or not the relationship is valid. Not only do you have to go in for an initial interview after you are married (if you are lucky it will be the
only one), but the green card is conditional for 2 years, after which time you have to return to the INS for yet another interview to obtain a permanent green card. I would also point out that as the US citizen you sign an agreement to sponsor your spouse. You have to show proof that you make enough money to support the two of you & you also sign a contract with the INS that states you will, among many things, be responsible if that person collects unemployment or whatever. It isn’t as easy as it appears to be.
Unless these two people are truly in a relationship, I wouldn’t mess with the INS. Hey, that kind of rhymed. Anyway, for what it is worth, I’d tell the person who posted the message to put those “fake marriage” thoughts in a box. One other thing to consider is that you have to have joint bank accounts, be listed as the beneficiary on the 401(k), have your utilities in the same name, etc. etc. I just don’t think it is a good idea. I was
petrified when D. and I went for our interview & we were seriously in love. Oh, and one more thing, they video tape your interview. The camera is pointing directly at you & you have to make a pledge. It is a very scary process.
