I told my son today that he has a choice…
1)He pays me $50 a week to live at my house
2)he does his chores as expected
OR
3)He moves out
The kid makes $500+ a week and never has money. He is paid every Friday and by Monday he has no money and nothing to show for it.
He is always borrowing money from me.
The only bill I have expected him to pay since he got this job was $20 a week in gas. Forget that I have to get up an hour early, forget that I miss my shows at night, forget that I commute 5 hours a day for him…I don’t think $20 is asking too much!
He won’t do his chores which are very simple. Keep the Family Room clean and the boys bathroom clean. he is too old to punish and he is working 60-65 hours a week so he is rarely home.
This Monday I asked for the $20 to pay for gas and he didn’t have it. Turns out he loaned his paycheck to a friend and told him he could pay him back “whenever”
This is so iresponsible. I have tried to sit down with him and do a budget. I have opened a savings account for him. I have offered to take all his money and give him a weekly allowance. But he disregards all I say. He says its none of my business what he does with HIS money. What a waste.
Good for you. I think anyone who read your “allowance” thread (Don’t have the link off-hand) will agree that this is probably the best thing you could have done both for yourself and for him.
That certainly seems fair Isabelle. Be prepared for him to opt for Number 3. Do you have any idea where his money goes? Cool toys, loose women? I’d certainly be worried about a bad drug habit. I hate to create anxiety, but twice I’ve heard parents say “I don’t know what he does with his money.” , soon after their kid was in rehab.
Hopefully he’ll think about all the money he is wasted and get his act together.
Good luck.
I am inclined to agree with you… except for one detail.
What if he says no?
I mean, I was under the impression that you were responsible for him until he turns eighteen. Legally, I mean. CAN you kick the kid out before then? You might want to look into that – laws vary from place to place. It would be an ugly thing to wind up getting into trouble with the law … on his say-so.
But if you can do it, I’d say go for it. You’re being gentle with him as it is.
I’ve been in this situation (sortta), albeit on the Child side.
And I have to say, unlike MY mother, you are being very reasonable.
But then again I’m sure my mother felt the same way.
Best advice I can give, Try not to lose your temper and fly off the handle, it won’t help anything if you lose it. It just makes it harder for him to hear what you’re saying no matter how fair it is when he has to cover his ears to stop them from bleeding becasue you are yelling so loud. It also makes it less likely that he’ll play along.
I’m not saying bow down and kiss his ass, just don’t tear him a new one, just yet.
And here’s another thought – you said he’s 17 so this probably doesn’t apply yet but . . .
I told both of my sons that as long as they were in school and making passing grades (defined as C or higher, no Ds or Fs allowed), then they were welcome to live with me for free.
However, if they were NOT in school or did NOT maintain those passing grades, then they would need to pay me rent for room and board.
My older son dropped out of school after one year so I told him the amount he would need to pay each month and the date upon which those payments would start.
He moved out within about 10 days. I’m guessing he thought that if he was going to have to pay rent, it might as well be for his own place where he didn’t have to follow any rules.
That was probably the best thing I could have done for him, for me and for our relationship.
Technically I can’t kick him out until he is 18. But I feel I have to force him into complying with my rules. What else can I do? He refuses to do what little chores I give him.
His last cell phone bill was $675!!!
IMO He has to learn the value of a dollar. Money just doesn’t grow on trees.
My last thread made me realize I was enabling him by loaning him money every week so I have stopped. This morning he asked me for lunch money and I told him I didn’t have it. He got out and slammed the door like it is my fault he is going to go hungry today.
In the past I have loaned him $5 a day for lunch. He infomed me the other day that that is not enough money. He needs $10 a day. Who on God’s name spends $50 a week in lunches?
yesterday he wanted me to go to 7-11 and buy him a snack and drink and I said no. I’m tired of shelling out money to this kid!
He spends his money on taking his friends to steak restaurants.
Buying junk at 7-11
Buying his female friends flowers
paying for his cell phone
Loaning money to friends
He bought $150 electronic car (which promptly broke)
I saw this episode once. Greg is actually saving the money to buy you a vacation home in Paris.
Seriously, if you can talk with at all, then I would discuss with him the concept of a budget. Does he have school, eg, is this a summer job or full time. 60+ hours a week is a lot to work, and $500 is not that much to earn for those hours. Is his $500 before or after taxes? People who are not heads of households and have no deductions get slammed in the taxes department.
Since you probably can’t actually kick him out, then I’d say make him quit his job (don’t provide transport) until he is 18, if he can’t act like a grown up and stick to a simple budget plan.
BTW, on preview, how do you run up a $675 cell bill?
My 15 y.o son is the only one of the three of us gainully employed at the moment. A couple of rules were laid down before he ever started working.
- 30% of each paycheck gets deposited into a savings account
for college. No exceptions.
- 20% goes to the house for room and board as long as he
has a real job. No exceptions. In reality, it goes to a
separate college account, and doesn't know it goes there.
- The rest is his to blow or save as he pleases.
How does his phone bill get to $675 someone asked.
Well he uses the phone constantly. His plan is for like 49.99 a month but he sent 3,000 text messages last month at .10 each.
He calls 411 all the time at $1.50 each. He calls during peak hours and talks forever.
Is his pay $500+ before or after taxes someone asked.
AFTER taxes. His take home pay has been $500 - $590 this past month.
He was/is planning to move into a condo with his 22 year old sister in October and she has warned him to save save save. That they will need money for deposits, etc… I thought this would be incentive for him to save, but I was wrong.
Last week he gave his sister $100 to buy a car because she was short. He is genorous with his money but careless too.
Is he in any danger of losing this job? It doesn’t sound like he has anything to fall back on if he ends up unemployed soon. Might be a bit more of a wakeup call than he’d like.
