My friend has asked me to be his best man at his wedding in February.
I’ve accepted but to be honest I’m a bit worried.
I have absolutely no idea what to say when called to give the speech.
Any witty sayings etc will be appreciated
Here’s you a handy dandy Best Man website. Have fun!
Hey thanks, never even thought to see if there was such a thing, very useful 
I’ve been the best man twice and a groomsman once. I never had to make any speeches, mainly kept the grooms (mostly) sober and lended moral support.
In retrospect, all 3 marriages are over now. Maybe I wasn’t the best man for the job 
Some of the lines on that site are hilarious.
I’ll share with you my opening line from the best man’s toast I gave a few years ago:
Ah, so the bride’s choice doesn’t need to be excelent?
Keep it short, sweet, and poetry and swearing-free. The nicest ones I’ve heard are short stories about the groom’s initial impression of or infatuation w/ the bride, etc.
Bad ones I’ve heard in the last year were -
“We always knew he wanted to marry a nun and Sharon- you’re as close as he could get!” Sadly, this was entirely true; still, didn’t need mentioning.
“Let me read you a poem by the Prophet Kahlil Gibran…” (Same poem he’d read in the ceremony earlier.) Later in the same ten minute toast the man told an unflattering story about the bride being picky about her first meal at his house and how he wasn’t sure she was likable. The rest of the toast was stories about the groom.
Simply because you’re putting well-thought out effort into your toast, I have no doubt it will be a great success!
I remember at a wedding some years ago the best man gave his speech.
“I’ve known Michael and Jenny for some years now and can definitely say that Jenny has got the best deal out of this marriage”
A muttered and sarcastic “thank you” from Jenny and then stoney silence ensued.
Well, I mean, there’s no need to lie. 
Try not to include too many “insider” jokes…
“Remember that time in Amsterdam with Dave, Tozzer and Dangerous Brian? Just don’t mention “spanish lightbulbs”, eh!”
And only ever say nice things about the Bride and her family - at a wedding it never sounds cheesy.
My Best Man this summer got it bang on - gently took the piss out of me (the Groom), said how lovely my wife looked, and used an easily visualisable anecdote (of the time Best Man and I tried paddling a dug-out canoe in Africa) as a metaphor for marriage (ie. need to paddle in the same direction, sometimes go against the flow, rely on each other through choppy water).
And all done in 5-6 mins - perfect!
I got married two months ago. My best man told sweet stories about how my wife had a crush on me that I was clueless about, and how wonderful it was that I came around and that we’d found happiness together, interspersed with a story about the time in Mexico that we got completely loaded and went skinny dipping in the ocean in the middle of the night, only to discover that someone had taken our clothes and room key, forcing him to cover up with a tablecloth and me to cover up with a coffee cup I found while we looked for our stuff. “So, as I staggered through the streets of Mexico with this naked drunk by my side…” All of this in front of my bride’s teetotaling Baptist family. The crowd was roaring, the bride was in stiches, I was cringing and laughing at the same time. It was both painful and absolutely hilarious, best “best man speech” I ever heard.
Be careful if you want to try such a thing, though, your expeience may seriously vary.
I was the Best Man at my brother’s wedding a few months ago. I agreed to do it only on the condition that I would not have to give a speech. I loathe weddings in general and the speeches in particular. The only thing worse than the syrupy speeches is when a couple insists on writing their own vows.