Need Best Man speech!! HELP!

On friday I leave for home (missouri) for a week. I am going to be the Best Man in my friends wedding. I NEED A SPEECH! I’m panicing… gaaahhhhh…

please… help… me…

“Here’s to you” (nod to the bride)
“and, here’s to you” (nod to the groom)
“and here’s to love and laughter.
she’ll be true
as long as you
and not a moment after.”
I couldn’t resist.

My family has the tradition to always write limericks whenever someone is giving a speech. Always funny, always appreciated and, best of all, short.

Where are they from? I might be able to help you out, I have been known to put a few limericks together, although, English is not my first language, so I’m not giving any guarantees.

IIRC, the best man has two speeches. The first (and less formal) is at the bachelor party, introducing the stripper.

The second speech is at the reception, kicking off the formal congratulations.

Which speech did you need help with?

I was the best man at my sister’s wedding a few years back, and I collected about two dozen funny wedding toasts from various web sites. My speech was a summary of all of the toasts, interspersed with my comments on each. Then I concluded a “real” toast. Went over great!

I’d suggest renting “Four Weddings and a Funeral” to get a feel for funny wedding toasts.

I can give you some don’ts, that’s for sure.

  1. Don’t make any reference to future children. Time enough for that later.

  2. Don’t make comments about the up comming wedding night, unless you know that every single old realitive there will find that funny.

  3. Don’t tell funny stories from your college days that involve vomit, goats, the police, drugs, or desecrating holy ground.

  4. Don’t go on more than 2 min, hopefullly less.

What I would do is try to find something to say about the couple. Like “I knew that Johnny had finally found the right girl for him the third time I met Suzie and she said’ . . .’” or "When I found out that Suzie was the only other person on earth that shared Johnny’s love for . . . I knew that it was only a matter of time before I would be standing here, giving this speech. " Something like that. Mostly what people want to hear at weddings is that hte people they love are all good people and tht everyone is gonna live happily ever after.

Everyone attending knew that the bride and groom had been living together for a few years now…

An excerpt from the best man’s speech…

“(Groom’s name) was a bit worried about *taking the plunge *, so I reassured him by telling him that it was a lot easier to take the plunge… when you’ve been swimming in the pool for quite some time now.”

It got a big laugh.

As well, years ago, when I was asked to make a speech at a friends wedding, I simply gave the top ten reasons -(ala Letterman) - why the bride and groom were getting married.

The list went something like this:

Top ten reasons why (bride) & (groom) are getting married.

  1. Rings non-refundable.
  2. Friends really needed a big party.
  3. DJ/Photographer/Florist needed the work.
  4. Desperation.
  5. Parent’s spring for food and booze.
  6. Felt like getting all dressed up.
  7. Car insurance rates cut in half.
  8. To win the bet they made with their friends.
  9. (Make a shotgun loading sound - with an arm pumping action.)

and the number one reason why the bride and groom are getting marries is…

Cash & Prizes!

:smiley: [sub](Hope they have a sense of humour)[/sub]

Funny speeches are great, but I’ve heard quite a few that tried to be funny and just weren’t. I also find myself a little let down by speeches that talk a lot about the best man’s relationship with the husband and then tack on some generic comment about how happy he’ll be with <insert bride’s name here>.

I think a good speech should acknowledge them both in a way that is genuine, personal, and complimentary. If you don’t know the bride, surely you can talk about the way your friend has let you know he feels about her, why he loves her, etc. People are always amazed and gratified to hear the things you’ve noticed and observed, things that they didn’t even realize they’ve revealed.

Manda JO’s advice seems especially fitting, to me.

I quoted Shakespeare.

But referencing the honeymoon with

“Once more, unto the breach, dear friends”

did NOT go over well. :eek:

And you should have seen the looks the bride’s family gave me when I uttered:

“O, what men dare do!
what men may do!
what men daily do,
not knowing what they do!”
–Much Ado About Nothing, Act 4, Scene i

[sub]Actually, I…uh, forgot what quote I used. Seriously.[/sub]

Maybe there’s an idea you can steal…err, borrow from this thread:

In other words, “it’s been done before” :smiley:

Seriously, good luck, and let us know how it goes!

Since you’re the BM and picked by the groom, make a point of saying things about the bride. I pulled up referring to my SIL as my sister, as we accepted her as such, and hoped they accepted my brother… <sentimental crap I’ve forgotten> and was told by her side that was a really nice toast. My family mostly went around saying “Was that ED???”

I couldn’t blind 'em with brilliance, so I baffled 'em…

My best man finished off his (very good) speech with

So he makes a big thing of opening this huge book, finding the page etc, and reads it. To himself. The audience didn’t get it at first (they thought he was preparing himself, or something) but as time went on, they did. I think it worked because they were already in laughing mood thanks to other stuff he said in his speech, but it certainly got a good reception.

My input, FWIW, and for what you paid for it…
Oh yes, one other thing. At semi-formal weddings (certainly here in the UK) the BM has to lead toasts etc at the end of his speech. I’d find out if there are any formal bits you’ll be expected to do…

I ran across this site yesterday and immediately thought of this thread. It’s got some good stuff.

Is there a theme you could work into your speech? I got married last September on my parents’ 33rd anniversary, so our best man wound up working the number 33 into much of the speech; he started off by saying he sure hoped Pat would make it at least 33 years with me, because he hadn’t even made it 33 days as the best man’s roommate in college. Stuff like that-- it was completely hilarious (and no one was remotely drunk yet). I’d also echo the sentiment that the wedding involves both the groom and tbe bride, so the toast should, too. Tacking on the bride’s name to the end makes the speech lopsided. Acknowledging how lucky they both are to have found each other is a solid foundation to work from.

Good luck! Have fun at during the festivities!