The way I see it is we’re all stuck together, and I’d rather leave the mood better than worse when I leave the room.
Also avoiding large groups of people helps. More people = more assholes.
In semi-seriousness, I’ve made a few attempts to be nicer to people. I suppose it wasn’t so much an effort to be “nice” per se, but more like I would make a greater effort to understand where people are coming from, and not be so impatient or brusk. Lords help me, I am learning patience, whose end result tends to be less bruskness, but when my patience is exhausted I still am finding I have a hard time being nice. Some day…
Good for you, kidneyfailure.
I made a decision a while back to stop arguing on the board. I sometimes found myself getting emotionally embroiled in debates, especially those that turned into flame fests. I’d rather work with people to find common ground, or just let it drop. I’d much rather have fun here and hopefully help others have fun.
It hasn’t always worked out, but things are way better than they were.
You are an inspiration to us all.
Is not.
Dammit! Working on it, guys. Working on it.
Any particular reason for the change of heart? Juicy details?
Is that the Americanized version of “brusque,” MeanOldLady? 
I seem to have a reputation as something of a jerk on this board. Doesn’t sit well with me. Not surprisingly, I seem to have a similar reputation IRL. Again, doesn’t sit well with me.
I find that it’s easier to be nicer when I’m feeling better. So do stuff for yourself that puts you in a good mood before coming here.
Also, while I’m sure you’ve made jerkish posts in the past, they’ve never been so jerkish as to stand out, at least, for me.
Oh, and I believe Melon’s secret is to make his more jerkish comments come off as humor. Well, that and being self effacing when someone does take him the wrong way. Oh, and taking people disliking him as a complement.
He reminds me a lot of me at his age, actually. Only thing is, it was affectation for me–an attempt to be more liked, while it seems quite natural for him.
The nice thing about online interactions is that you have time to evaluate your responses. After you write a post, take a moment to read through it before you hit submit. Ask yourself if you’re being a jerk. If you are, just close the browser and move on.
I’ve tried to do this and found it hard. I’m pretty rabid in my denunciation and/or defense of certain things, you know. And when I’m in an argument wherein I think something important to me is being insulted, or something I think is stupid is being promoted, I tend to get so overcome with emotion that I become almost nonsensical. Then the rants and polemics start coming. See my recent history with even sven or that “marijuana being smoked openly” thread for examples. I also do this during face-to-face conversation with people. I don’t do it to be an asshole or anything…I just feel that if you’re going to feel strongly about something then you should stand up for your position and be firm in it and not give a single inch. Unfortunately, what seems “principled” and “noble” to me in this case probably seems “assholish” to everyone else.
Aren’t you like two years older than me?
I don’t write cheques either!
Anyway, I’m on no mission to be nice now, but I have been more willing to understand other people, which resulted in increased niceness, even though it wasn’t the intent. I guess it just stemmed from life. I’ve seen people be obnoxiously curt with others and have wondered, “Jeez, is that how I am?” I’ve had people be that way with me, and have wondered the same. Perhaps delusionally, I never thought I was quite that way, but in any case have realized that we’d all be better off if we tried to understand each other. Yes, you will at times still believe certain people are all out wrong, but even so, wrong is better than bad. I have a hard time being mean to people who I do not believe are bad.
My current issue is once you are bad, fuck your face, pal. I’m not talking Hitler bad or anything, but just once I think someone is a douchebag, I’m done trying to be nice at all. I know some dear and kind people who believe we should extend kindness even to people who suck, and maybe there’s a tiny part of me that agrees, but I’m apparently not yet mature enough to be able to swing that. I’ve tried to be nice in all cases, but fuck it. Sorry, Bob.
This is starting to feel like my blog. I’m going to grab some gin now.
Instead of thinking “Am I being a jerk?”, it may be helpful to think “Will this help persuade people?” (if feeling strongly about an issue also means you want others to feel the same way). Generally I find arguments which are more calmly phrased much more convincing that ones that say “This is the obviously right position and anyone who disagrees is an idiot”.
Yeah, this is what I found when I did some training in counselling - I became more tolerant of people (though I don’t think I was an asshole before).
I read Ben Franklin’s autobiography a little while ago, which has some good advice for this. He found that not being a jerk led to people being more willing to listen to him. I recommend the book. 
If anyone would care to point out specific instances wherein my assholishness usually gets really bad, and then offer constructive criticism on how to change that, I’m all ears. Or eyes, rather.
Me too. Starting tomorrow. In the meantime, fuck you!
Huh. I’ve actually recently resolved to be more of an asshole. I’m tired of being taken advantage of.
I keep coming back hoping this will be like a thread I remember from years ago. It had an OP much like this one posted by some perennial shithead, swearing off his obnoxious online persona. After a few people expressed doubt that the OP was capable of improving his behavior he was soon flaming every other poster.
There is still time I guess.
Call me arrogant if you will, but I think at least some people on here recognize that I have the capacity to admit my shortcomings and change my behavior. See the end of that “You Know What, kidneyfailure?” Pit Thread for a cite. Thus, I don’t think this one will end up like the thread you have in mind.
I’m sure you are right. I just love the irony of something starting out with the best of intentions and then…
Despite what the first response to the thread said, I think people change all the time, often almost instantaneously given the right motivation. Hell I don’t know anyone who is exactly like they were in their teens for instance. In fact humans are geared to constantly change, that’s why we start to become disenchanted with things, to encourage us to look for new pleasures.