While I don’t think what the OP is doing is right, I think you guys are overstating the problem. There are children that get traumatized by teasing, but most do not.
Calling someone a bully, asshole, or even “creep-o” in a non-joking way is far worse, in my opinion. Intent is what matters, people.
If the kid tells him to stop and he keeps doing it, what is Dad’s “intent”?
I can cut off your leg accidentally (unintentionally), but your leg is still cut off.
Intentions should be factored in, but if you see a bad effect, then your “intentions” don’t mean squat. Okay…maybe not NO squat… maybe they mean a little bit of squat, but not enough to measure.
Incidentally, something that I’ve had to learn as a parent is that prior to a certain age (which is likely different for every kid) kids don’t get sarcasm. At all. Example: MiniWhatsit, age 4 at the time, spills her milk all over the dinner table. I say, in a sarcastic tone, “Oh, thanks a LOT.” She says, “Why are you thanking me, Mommy? I just spilled my milk.”
My point being that when you “jokingly” call a young kid a name like “creepo,” he likely doesn’t understand the joke and thinks that Dad genuinely thinks he’s a creepo.
OP, stop it. Stop it now. Passive-agressive bullying.
My father thought he was being funny when he did stuff like this; it was just hurtful. One of his favorite put-downs was to say, if I said something intelligent, “Hey, you’re not as dumb as you look.” He did this for years; once when I was older, I said something that impressed him, and I said sarcastically, “I guess I’m not as dumb as I look.” And his response was, “Oh, you couldn’t be.” I wanted to smack him.
I’m in my forties now. This still hurts to type it out, even though he has been dead for 10 years.
OP, stop it.
If the kid is telling him to stop and he keeps doing it then the OP’s intent it to be a jerk. That’s something that jerks do. In no other context is it okay to call someone an insulting name after they have told you to stop, adult or child.
There is no fucking fabulous life lesson here. All the kid is learning is how to be an asshole.
No, intent is not what matters with children. Reception is what matters. The kid sounds genuinely hurt (as evidenced by “traumatic” and the “petulant” tone), and that’s what matters. Little kids can’t put themselves into another’s shoes far enough to discern intent, they just feel the hurt and the loss of control.
It’s ALL about how the kid reacts, IMHO. I don’t think it’s entirely clear from the OP, which may itself be written in a teasing tone…but I hope that any parent who is genuinely upsetting his kid with teasing or physical touch knocks it the hell off.
Those kids who love it, like the Crabby Whibbler? ( :D) Carry on, dudes.
Are you repeating something one of your parents did to you? I noticed I sounded a lot like my parents when I became one. If it’s bothering you and the kids stop it and find something else to replace it. My Dad was a tickler and he would put me up on the ceiling and tickle my sides till I cried. I never tickled my kids because I knew it bothered me as a kid. I took them on day trips which is something my parents never did with me but I wished they did. I just replaced the things my parents did that I didn’t like with something I would have liked. Good Luck.
Count me amongst the oversensitive. When I was a kid my dad used to join in with my older siblings when they called me mean names. He apparently thought I needed to toughen up. His plan worked, depending on your definition of the phrase. It made me feel so powerless at home and so worried others were going to start in on me that I spent a good deal of ages 6-15 getting in trouble for hitting people who teased me who were actually my size and didn’t have legal and financial control over me. So I was a tough kid, but contrary to the famous Nietzsche quote, the constant teasing greatly lowered my tolerance for putting up with teasing.
Also be warned, turnabout is fair play. My father actually had the nerve to get all offended when I started calling him “old man” as a teenager. I acquiesced to his wishes, but nothing can stop the dead arms he receives when I see him every Thanksgiving and Christmas.
Whew! A lot of ire and condemnation in this thread! Apparently I should have used scare quotes around the words “traumatic” and “petulantly” as the sarcasm was missed. Yes, its mild teasing, and yes, sometimes they tell me they don’t like it, but its also a game to them and to me and we also get some laughs out of it too. When they tell me to stop, I do. Until the next day whereby we all have a good time with it.
Yes, he also has nicknames that he has picked for himself that I also call him, most recently “Laser Boy” and “Invisible Man” (you can only see my eyes, Dad!).
The nicknames I sometimes call him are ones that he knows. “Boog” is the name of a character on one of his favorite cartoons that we watch, Fanboy and Chum Chum. “Creep-O” is a variant of “Creep”, the name Jim Carrey’s character calls his son in the movie Liar Liar. Its meant to be affectionate, is said that way and my entire OP was meant as self-parody.
Some of you guys need to lighten up.
Why did you start this thread?
And, no, some of us don’t need to lighten up. What is the point of a comment like that? I don’t get you.
Bored, mundane, pointless…sitting at work, making up an (apparently lame) attempt at satirizing myself within the context of a few moments in my personal life with my children that I exaggerated for (apparently lame) comedic effect…
[…]
Wow. After I read the OP I expected a bunch of lighthearted anecdotes about how posters playfully tease their children. My grandfather and uncle did this to me all the time and behind all my shouts of “Graaaaandpa!” and “Uncle Peeeeeerry!” I took it as a bonding experience. I also used to wrestle with my grandpa (if teasing your grandkid is bullying then I’m sure my grandpa’s wrestling was actually vicious beating) and he “had all the power” in that scenario, too. Now that I’m older I do this to my little sister and it’s more or less the same situation. My dad’s father (not the same grandad as the one in the previous example) used to tell him just as they were going up the top of a roller coaster “Oh no, Jack! The rails are broken! We’re going to fall!” My dad laughs about it.
Seriously. He’s calling his little son “Booger.” What a spoiled little baby he’d grow up to be if he was taught that this was bullying by his evil father.
You guys need to chill out. Big time.
Evil, tease him extra hard for me, kay?
This was exactly as I intended the OP…and the RL activity…
I tease my kids all the time. But they never respond like this:
Teasing needs to be fun for both parties. If one person tells the other person to cut it out, and they don’t, that’s not teasing anymore, that’s just being a jerk.
This is what I hoped…
But it’s also another sign that your intent to “tease” might be…misattributed by your “victims”. I know text is misleading, especially when sarcasm is employed, but I find it kind of not-ironic that a lot of posters responded to your teasing us by begging you to stop. Of course, you did stop, immediately, and explain that it was a joke. That’s a good thing.
I certainly don’t want to come off as some abusive jerk. I love my kids. I don’t want them to grow up hating me. I would never in a million years try to make them feel inadequate or stupid. I don’t have some power trip or unrealistic expectations for them.
My Dad used to tease my brother and I quite a bit (someone asked about this upthread) and we both love him very much. Well, at least now we do. I hated him when I was a teenager because he was very strict and wanted me to do well in school and not get into trouble and I wanted to smoke dope and get into trouble.
Go figure.
It may be a different category, but not a different level. My parents used to tease me in completely non-sexual ways that hurt to the bone- most of the hurt was because I specifically asked them to stop and their own hilarity was sooooo much more important than me.
It hurts.
It stays with you.
In my experience, people who use, “It’s just a joke! Get over it.”, to cover remarks that no one laughed at last time, or this time, are assholes.
For all your assurances that it’s just fun back and forth between you, if he’s begging you to stop and you don’t, you’re bullying him, like it or not.
It’s upsetting not just your kid, but your wife, and you still think it’s just a little fun? Really? Think about taking a hard look at yourself, seriously.
Yeah you don’t wanna end up taking lunch to your resentful allegedly adult son and being talked about with his co-workers
FGIS, you may not realize it, but you’re being passive aggressive. You will regret it later.