You can do it with one account Kalhoun. But we find it easier to do it with seperate accounts. It is just a different way of doing things.
Besides, how can I buy secret things if we have to share all of our accounts?
If that’s your attitude, why bother to be married?
When I first read the title of the OP, I thought it was maybe about an ex-wife who wanted a new house as part of the settlement, or an adult kid who wanted his/her parents to spring for a house or something. The viciousness of the OP shocked and saddened me. I can’t imagine (thank God) being in a marriage like that. Hubby and I are currently searching for a bigger place (going Monday to look at 47 acres with a 5 bedroom farmhouse), and guess what? He’s the only one in the family that brings home paychecks! The best I do is an occasional $10.00 or $20.00 check from MySurvey.com. But he sees it as his job to provide for his family finacially. I certainly do my share of the work, just don’t get paid for it. Taking care of us, in his mind, includes setting us up in a proper living environment, to the best of his ability.
vunderbob, I don’t know if you and your wife need counseling or a divorce, but it sure sounds like you need something!
Well if that’s your…
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My husband and his brother both inheired a substantial (six figure) sum of money.
My husband and I are fiscal conservatives (well, I am, and he humors me). We stayed in our house. We paid down the mortgage to get rid of PMI. We paid off all car loans, all credit cards. We sold a ten year old car and bought a new one. We paid for an adoption, my (uncovered) maternity leave and bought baby stuff. We gave his mom a bunch of money to take care of some difficulties she was having. We put some in savings. Started college accounts. And I let him buy a new computer.
It seriously changed our lives - cash flow was different. Our finacial security was different. Not to mention the whole kid thing.
My husbands brother, humoring his wife, who has a different financial style than I do, bought a new house that they couldn’t afford (but the bank was more than willing to give them money for it with 30% down). Motorcycles. Trips. Stuff. They are on the verge of declaring bankruptcy and getting divorced.
Vunderbob, if the marriage is as bad as you make it sound, talk to an attorney before the trustee cuts you a check.
Well, according to this site the community property thing would seem to not be applicable to inheritances, even in California.
However, it may be considered income in the normal sense for the purposes of child support, according to this site.
Whatever happens, I sincerely wish vunderbob and his wife the best possible conclusion to the situation for both their sakes, and especially that of the child.
I am quite as intrigued as anybody else about this; however, I’ve made a personal decision regarding this thread: before I read any further in it, I will search on vunderbob’s posts to see if he’s come back to dispel any of the mystery.
If his wife raids his computer and gets her hands on the OP, poor old VunderB is toast–if she gets a good lawyer, he probably is anyway.
No, actually, my money is my money, and his is his. We both contribute to household expenses. Niether of us has any problem doing that, because we chose to deal with those things together.
I’ve found that for me, it does damage my personal identity. I’ve found that when we pool things, it’s easy to lose perspective about what I’m contributing and what I feel “allowed” to do with that money. Mr. Cameron would never dream of arguing with me over some indulgence, and would (and does) gladly fork over some of his if I asked for it, but I, myself, begin to feel as though boundaries are violated when I have nothing that’s “mine.” And money, as other posters have pointed out, is actually a pretty fundamental part of that. When I first started staying home, before I got my job that I do from home, I found it terribly distressing to buy a present for my husband–with the money he had earned at work. Even knowing that the money was really “ours” didn’t help that, for me. Without money I feel powerless–and not because I don’t love or trust Mr. Cameron, or intend ever to leave him, or don’t really buy into being married, or anything like that. But the fact of the matter is, in our society money is a tangible sign of value, and of work performed. Right or wrong, possession and control of money, and the ability to earn it, affects how people feel about themselves.
And there’s a privacy issue, too. And as other posters have pointed out, there’s no way to surprise someone.
Of course. But “Why bother being married” is a rather different sentiment. It implies that somehow couples who keep separate accounts aren’t really married, or don’t really mean it somehow. I assure you that’s not the case. I know of at least one marriage that began with an “all our money” single checking account thing that was on the rocks until the couple finally was advised to do the three account thing. Suddenly there were no more arguments about money. Peace reigned. That’s not every marriage–but it’s not as though there’s only one way to handle it and really be married.
I agree with you here–and that’s one of the potential pitfalls of the single account method. I’m a SAHM, and I definitely disagree with the joint account thing–I picked up a part time job just to avoid it, for my own peace of mind. But the fact of the matter is, SAHMs do work, just not paid work, and it’s not right when the work one does at home isn’t valued. Consider just how much you’d have to pay someone to do all the things that person does for you–laundry, and child care, and cleaning, and all the other things staying home lets you do for the household. Any partner who treats a stay-at-home spouse that way probably needs to re-think their attitude towards the relationship in question.
My mother always said every woman should have a “running away fund” 
Seriously, although she only works part-time, and didn’t work at all when we were very small, she has always had a bank account of her own, as well as a shared one. Part of the reason is that if she wants to buy my father a present, she wants it to be from her money rather than his. Whether that money derived from her job, some inheritance she had, or my father. Once it goes into her account, it’s “hers.” FWIW, my parents have a wonderful marriage of thirty years duration.
To take the “If that’s your attitude” stuff full-circle (so to speak):
If you’re married, you can’t have an attitude. At least, not if you want to stay married. (He said, with a significant glance toward the OP.)
Huh. When I commented - first - to this OP, I said to myself "kabbes ol’ man, how many responses do you think there’ll be before someone comes in with the “fucking house” gag? And I said to myself: “oooooh, about 7?” And it would be so, I thought.
And now I come back and nobody’s done it yet? Yer getting slack, guys.
pan
Istara said, "Seriously, although she only works part-time, and didn’t work at all when we were very small, she has always had a bank account of her own, as well as a shared one. Part of the reason is that if she wants to buy my father a present, she wants it to be from her money rather than his. "
I agree with the sentiment that you want gifts to be purchased with “your” money, but if she wasn’t working, where did “her” money come from?
Cute story here. My mom wanted to buy my dad something really special when she started working (after we were all in high school). She asked me if I would co-sign on her bank account, (which I gladly agreed to do) in case she got hit by a bus, someone would be aware of her secret stash. Then she backed out, feeling that the deception was just wrong. She did buy him a special gift, but she did it with money from the joint account.
Bren-Cameron said, "No, actually, my money is my money, and his is his. We both contribute to household expenses. Niether of us has any problem doing that, because we chose to deal with those things together. "
That’s fine. I don’t care how anyone does their own finances. None of my business. If it works, it works.
However, in a court of law, if you were to divorce, how would they work that?
Say you have no kids, a $200K house, 2 cars. Your personal accounts hold $50K in checking and savings. His hold $18K in checking and savings.
Wouldn’t you have to split the $68K down the middle because it was all earned during your marriage?
My wife and I had a spat last week, If I would have retired downstairs right after the spat, I may have vented on the board. I’m willing to give a benefit of doubt here.
In 7 years of marriage, I can’t help but point out that there have been moments where I have found her to be a supreme bitch. As I am sure there have been moments where she has found me to be a supreme asshole. What can I say, we found our emotion and strong wills an attraction, and I still do th this day. I’m of the opinion that a bit of steam needs to be let go on occasion.
please please please don’t tell her I used the ‘b’ word…
Holy shit! My first post that got more than a dozen responses…
Here are the bones:
-Wife and I have been in counseling, and the upshot has been that while we are both a little more open about what we think, little progress as been made on the underlying problems. She has a very wide self destructive streak, and is constantly trying to drag me down with her.
-The reference to life insurance is the settlement I got from my mother’s policies. A very sizable portion went up in smoke following a home disaster, buying things of dubious value based on my wife’s gross overestimate of THAT insurance settlement. She talked herself into $250k; we got $30k for a drunk driver parking in our living room.
-There was a deathbed promise to my mother that I would use my inheritance for my education, and if I didn’t or couldn’t, that it would be used for my son’s. Mom knew of my aspirations to obtain a PhD, and wanted me to get it. Sorry if that came off as sounding greedy, but I ain’t apologizing for it.
-Ours is a two checkbook household.
-Wife has a habit of obstructing anything I want to do that wasn’t her idea. This goes back to the first point.
Does any of this help?
I can see why you’re in counseling. I hope you and Mrs. Bob can work things out…yikes!
Hope things work out for you. Putting the money in a trust sounds like a good thing. Good luck with your education.
Drag you down with her? The way you talk about her it seems you are already there.
I understand that you promised your mother you would spend the money on education. If that is what she wanted you to do with the money and you said you would then you should. But, your post was still very hateful to your wife. How does she feel about the promise you made to your mother?
Sorry you lost your mom. But you sound as if you have absolutely no respect for your wife whatsoever. I don’t talk like that about my worst enemies! If you hate her so much, save yourself some time and money and get a divorce! Give her a chance to share her life with someone who doesn’t hate her!