I'm not going to jump on you, moron.

Too weak for a pit thread, not really a poll… thank you, MPSIMS.

There is a girl on my floor who, when visiting my room, observed my rainbow flag and was visibly shaken. Still, she talks to me and so on, so I though she was just caught off guard.

The other night I was getting ready to take a shower, and she walked into the bathroom also looking like she’s about to shower. She took a look at me, but her stuff down, and after a few beats, left. She waited until I was gone. Made me feel wonderful, especially since the two showers in the bathroom aren’t in any way connected.

Maybe she just thought that I was going to try and convert her to the dark side whilst nude. Putz.

I’m not furious about it… just a little sad.

I hate that for you Andy, I’m not a lesbian (so don’t get any funny ideas, missy ;)) but I see this all the time, though for some reason it’s mostly men. I don’t get it either, though I think it’s rather funny when some pug-ugly fellow gets all nervous because he hears an aquaintance is gay. Not that I think looks should matter…oh, I’ll shut up now.

Maybe you should write “Andy loves Twit” all over the restroom walls and give her a real scare!

I don’t know, tater- I think that would damage my credibility. :slight_smile:

I have noticed, though, that heterosexual people who have phobic notions seem mildly more comfortable around queers of the opposite sex.

I would put a rainbow sticker on her door, but that might get ugly. I’ll just inform the gay terror squad and see what they can do…

Poor girl, really, she probably doesn’t know any better. Maybe with time, she’ll get more comfortable…it could happen. I grew up my entire life on army posts, very strict upbring, plus very naive, so I had never met a person whom I knew to be gay until I moved away to college. The first time I met a person who told me they were gay, I kind of flipped out a little too, but in a giggly OMG, this is sooooo kewl, I’ve met a homosexual kind of way. Went back to my dorm and called all my high school buddies, they were pretty impressed too. Looking back, I feel so stupid, but nothing bad came of it, the guy is my friend to this day. And now, if I meet a gay person, I no longer do the happy giggles dance. :smiley:

andygirl - Maybe she’s confused by her feelings of lust for you.

andygirl, she could just have lead a very sheltered life and not have had much exposure to gay people. You seem like a very nice person from what I have seen around the threads, and she will probably come to know this from living on the same floor with you.

Until then , ////andygirl\\

It would be real easy to make jokes like, “You know, I’ve always wondered what it feels like to be looked at as sort of dangerous.” I can tell you I think is this kind of assholiness is uncalled for. Every intelligent person knows you can’t catch homosexuality any more than than you can catch common sense and grace. You seem to have a good deal of both. I feel sad and angry for you having to put up with this kind of shit. You seem to have your head just about right. Ignore the twit, she is to be pitied.

I know it isn’t your responsibility to teach others tolerance, but rather than being angry or sad about it, why not joke with her about it. Explain to her that you are not a promiscuous sex demon out to get all women. laughter always makes uncomfortable situations better. I think for every person that is taught tolerance of people different than her, that prson will teach another.

maybe I’m idealistic.

Now would someone kindly explain to me what this girl did that was naive, ignorant or wrong? The fact that she doesn’t feel comfortable sharing a dorm bathroom/shower with a gay person isn’t anymore wrong than a woman’s desire to not share a shower with a guy. Face it, we have 4 genders in this world for all practical purposes. Straight men and women, and gay men and women. While the concept of feeling uncomfortable in compromising situations around someone of a different gender can be debated, its unfair to chastise people for it.

This girl isn’t being a homophobe, she just is expressing the same natural desire to avoid being naked around someone of a different gender. The idiotic claim that she must think that you think she’s attractive, or that she fears you’re going to convert her is ignorant. I suppose I could argue that I should be allowed to shower in the same area as ugly women since there is no way I’d be attracted to them, or proposition them for sex. See how dumb that sounds? The fact is she doesn’t know what thoughts could go through your mind, and her reaction to avoid any potential uncomfort is completely reasoanble.

It seems that only straight people can be ignorant…


Damn, you beat me to saying just about the same thing.

I agree that it would be one thing if the woman changed her behavior towards you when you chat, or pass each other in the hall, or whatever. That would be showing sign’s of homophobia in my opninion. But I can’t fault her with not wanting to be naked in the same room with someone that may view her as a sexual object. It doesn’t matter that you feel no attraction to her, the fact remains that you could be, and she doesn’t know. Like Omni said, if I tell you ladies that I don’t have any lustfull thoughts about you, does that mean you’ll let me shower with you? Andy, since you’re gay, and don’t have any attraction to men, would you feel comfortable sharing a shower with a straight guy? Just MHO.

I was thinking maybe she is just very body shy. My sister won’t shower at the health club because she doesn’t like being naked in front of other people (even when it’s only me).


Echoing what Omni and Atrael said, I think it most likely that she was just uncomfortable sharing the bathroom with someone who is potentially attracted to her–not that she necessarily thinks you are, but it is absolutely the same thing as sharing with a guy.

I had a roommate in the Navy once who was a lesbian, and I am absolutely NOT a homophobe, but it was a little awkward changing in front of her at first. What it took for me was to go out drinking with her a few times, got to know her better, and I was totally comfortable after that.

I encourage you to talk very honestly with her, say that you can see she is uncomfortable and reassure her that you have no lustful intentions toward her, etc. She may have been very sheltered and have no idea of what lesbians are like–show her you’re just regular folks, just like everybody else. Honesty and openness are the best cure for discomfort and fear.

Omni and Atrael,

I guess that I should explain the construct of the bathroom on my floor. The showers are more or less on opposite corners of the room and are not connected in any way. Basically

shower wallwallwallwall shower wallwall door.

Our bathroom door has a lock on it- one of those punch in the combo things. I was alone in the bathroom and when I heard the combo lock being entered, I jumped in the shower stall because I didn’t want to be seen half naked. The shower stalls are roomy enough so that you can get undressed, towel off, and put on clothes or a robe in them. Also, they have curtains. What I’m basically saying is that at no point would I see her naked or vice versa unless she or I both left the stalls. It’s more or less standard protocol to undress/dry yourself in the stall when there are others in the bathroom. I shower every day, and I’ve never known anyone to walk out of the stall naked. The only reason that she knew it was me is because I stuck my head out to hang up my pants.

I know she’s taken showers when someone else has been using the other shower, and it was because of her reaction to my room and the fact that she left only when she saw me and waited until I was gone to shower that led me to my conclusion. I could be wrong, and I hope I am, but that’s how I viewed this.

I do agree, however, that if it was a gym-style shower, I wouldn’t take offense to her behavior. I wouldn’t shower in that circumstance either, because I’m self conscious. There’s a high level of privacy in the bathroom, though, and I should have made that more clear in the OP.

Am I the only callous bastard who’s mind wandered into a college girl lesbian dorm showers sex scene? I guess so.

In all seriousness, though, Andygirl, I did grow up in a rural town, and had never met an (openly) gay person until I went to college, and you do have to adjust a bit. It’s the same as if you went to a racist school and had never met a black man (or asian, or hispanic, or middle eastern or whatever) person until you went to college. Even if you don’t share the same feelings as the people you grew up with, there is still an adjustment you have to make.



Very true. It’s such an easy thing to forget… at home, there was a heavily gay community and it was there, regardless of the acceptance of it among individuals.
The “wow, you’re the first gay person I’ve ever met” hasn’t happened to me for such a long time… heh. I’ll keep that in mind when I have a conversation with the girl, though.

I’m a little mad at myself for not remembering that some people just haven’t been around openly gay people, especially ones my age. It certainly wasn’t on my mind when I wrote the OP as a possible explanation for her actions. I’ll make a mental note. :wink:

It seems that gay people have several knee jerk reactions, much like straight people do. These types of things are what I’m getting at. Being gay is fine, but I think its naive to think that you are the same (no value judgements) as any other girl. It seems to be a bit of a snap to judgement when a gay person notices that a straight person reacts in any way to the fact they are gay. Snap judgements are bad period, no matter what side of the fence they are on. In many racial or sexual disparities the minority tends to interpret any reaction as a hateful, or predjudiced one. I don’t think this is fair, and it doesn’t help either side of the issue.

That said, andygirl, I’m glad to see your a little bit retisent about your comments. I think its important to remember that everyone has to work to see other’s points of view, and tolerance is a two way street.

One comment about the bathroom. I was fairly clear about you implying that it wasn’t a “seeing her naked situation”, but I think even with it being a fairly “safe” event my arguement still holds true. The fact is she doesn’t know that she isn’t going to end up in a awkward situation, however unlikely. I guess the easy way to make it clear would be ask how you’d feel about sharing the same bathroom with a guy. Her reaction is probably similar.

I’m sure we all could be wrong, and she might be a rabid homophobe, but based on the situation you explained I think it’s wrong to prejudge her.

WTF. My old school had same-sex bathrooms and showers. I shared facilities with straight men, straight women, a gay woman, a bisexual man, and “bisexual” women, (read: young women who think it’s cool to dabble in lesbianism but are basically just indiscriminate hippie sluts; this isn’t all bisexuals, just the trendy wannabes.) and it was no big deal. And I’m EXTREMELY modest. Barring a physical, nobody’s seen me even close to naked in a long time. I think if I can deal with it, the “well, how would you feel about showering around a man” argument isn’t worth much. But then, I’m not everybody.

[slight hijack]

My mother’s really naive about a lot of things but she’s really naive about gays and lesbians. My friend Terrance had a female roomate who was a lesbian. I didn’t know she was a lesbian until she came over one night with her girlfriend. (By this time I’d known her for a couple of months and had no clue) They hung out for awhile and after they left I asked Terrance who the girl with Kathy was. He said, “Oh, that was her girlfriend.” I was like, “Oh, O.K.” When I told my mom about this the first thing she asked me was… “Did she try to hit on you?” :eek: WTF! Just because she’s gay doesn’t mean she hits on every woman she sees! That’s just the way she thinks I guess.

[/slight hijack]

I don’t know… You’re in college now and that toaster-oven could come in real handy!

Actually, I think a closer comparison would be to ask a shy married man how he would feel about sharing the same bathroom with a woman.

When you set up a situation where a woman is asked how she feels about sharing a bathroom with a man, especially without any particular context, there are some extra nuances there. The man is assumed to be physically bigger. In addition, men are usually assumed to be more aggressive, both socially and sexually. Hence, in this situation there’s a nuance of the woman being a potential victim and the man being a potential predator.

By comparison, if there are two woman in the bathroom and one is a lesbian and one is straight, some of the nuances change. There’s no size differential. There’s not necessarily any reason to think that the lesbian will be more aggressive socially and sexually toward a straight woman than a straight woman would be when in the bathroom with a man. Finally, taking this situation out of the hypothetical world and into the real world, both of the women in andygirl’s story (straight and lesbian) were part of a community (the dorm) where the lesbian would probably be punished by the community if she acted in a predatory manner. So there were considerable constraints on the lesbian.

In short, the straight woman may feel the same awkwardness that the shy married guy would feel, but after a moment’s thought she would realize that she is no more threatened in any manner by the lesbian than the guy would be threatened by the woman.

I just wanted to clarify this point. With gay-straight relations, everything is in the nuances. So the nuances have to be considered closely. I agree that the other girl in andygirl’s story might well have been taken aback for a moment the first time she realized she was in the bathroom with a lesbian. However, after a couple moments of thought it should occur to her that her safety or privacy aren’t compromised, especially in the circumstances that andygirl related (both are members of a common community, there is substantial privacy in the bathroom, etc.). And if she did feel that she was compromised in some manner, it shouldn’t have been on the same level as the way a woman might feel compromised if she unexpectedly had to share a bathroom with a man.

Put it this way: How compromised should a straight guy at college feel if he has to share a bathroom (offering plenty of privacy) with another guy who lives on the same floor of the dorm and who happens to be gay?