I just got a call from a lady who got fired from my workplace a couple of months ago. She’s losing her apartment and she wanted me to send out an e-mail to those who might be sympathetic and invite them to her estate sale.
Now I’m feeling crappy about it. See, the thing is, this is a very sweet lady and many of us liked her…that is, until her alcoholism started getting out of control. She called in sick a lot and was eventually fired for getting a DUI in the company vehicle. After that, she would call us at work several times a day, drunk off her ass, crying and apologizing and telling us she loved us. Naturally we all tried our best to avoid her, and it tapered off after a few weeks. The hell of it is, lots of us…well, let me just speak for myself…I liked her. I felt terrible that she got herself fired. I feel guilty for not keeping up with her afterward. But it got to a point where it was impossible to have any contact with her because she was sloshed all the time. I don’t like dealing with alcoholics. I’m sorry if that makes me a cold, ruthless bitch, but I guess if the shoe fits I’ll have to wear it. I’ve got my own problems.
So, anyway…I won’t be going to the sale, and there doesn’t appear to be any way to help her, so I’m not doing that either.
Unless you are unusually close to your coworkers, or she is unusually devoid of family and friends, you are not the person she needs help from. If you don’t need her stuff, why go to the sale? Send out the e-mail if you haven’t and forget about it.
Unless you were the one to hold her down and make her drink…then you should be a little guilty.
Is she still in the same state that made you avoid her in the first place?
The hard truth is that negative feedback causes people to change. Or at least the lack of negative feedback will not cause change. Crashing a car, getting fired, losing friends and losing your home are the sorts of spankings that make someone say “ouch! maybe I shouldn’t be touching that flame.”
I don’t think that it makes you cold or heartless.
There’s a common thought that all first-responders are required to think about before they act to help people in accidents: Can I do anything without becoming a casualty, myself?
You have to use that same thinking when dealing with other problems, too. Mental health and alcoholism are two of the big ones that people don’t often think about as being potentially destructive to those who try to intervene. If you’d indicated that she’d gotten on the wagon, that might be different. Until she’s willing to do that, there’s little you can do to really help.
Sucks that she’s a drunk, but it’s not your problem. And I think it was kind of inappropriate of her to ask you to be her personal messenger.
She’s probably hoping that word will get back to your boss that she’s lost her apartment because he/she was such a meanie and fired her. When you’re dealing with a drunk it’s always somebody else’s fault.