There’s also his buddy at the same party, who is
deep in this pear.
I could swear I’ve heard this expression used in the Air Force.
Marginally related, there is a Polish idiom that I learned of thanks to Schlock Mercenary: “Not my circus, Not my monkeys.” Basically you see a huge clusterfuck in progress, realize that it’s not your responsibility, and back away from it before someone tries to drag you into it.
Yes, but not Biblically…
Way back in the mists of time, you know the 80s when I was at uni, if you were doing a task you were quite capable of and one of your mates was getting in the way the appropriate rebuke was:
“Who’s fucking this cat?”
I suspect that phrase originates from the earlier “Who’s robbing this coach” or more colloquial “Ned Kelly is robbing this coach”.
And a third who is
in this dress!
Same scenario, but I’ve only heard or used “Who’s fucking this chook?”, as in, I’m doing this, piss off out of the road and let me do it.
I’ve also used the variant when someone is offering unwanted help or advice, “Excuse me, I’m fucking this chook”
One of my best friends told me, “I’`m f***ing this duck, i just need you to hold the wings.” one day. We are in North West Tennessee for purposes of tracking regional variations.
Hm. I see Virginia, and I see Tennessee.
The SO was stationed in Alabama for her flight training, and she lived in TN for a while. Sounds like a geographically-limited Southern expression.
Think I’ve heard, ‘I’m screwing this cat, you just hold the tail.’ in the past, but not very often or frequently.
Heard ‘He would fuck a snake if he thought it wouldn’t bite and somebody would help him hold it.’ for as long as I can remember, and that’s a long time. 
Some of the other ones that I recall hearing…
‘Who’s fucking this cat, you or me?’ As in, who is going to do this unpleasant task.
‘He/she looks like a monkey trying to fuck a football.’ As in, someone trying to do something and obviously has no clue of how to do it.
Several people mentioned the Air Force. 30 years in, and I never heard that particular cat expression. That doesn’t mean anything. Flyboys are inventive in their expressions, and 90% of them like to pretend they’re ‘good ol country boys’ when they’re really sharp as tacks and sophisticated as all get out.
I did hear 'This/he/she is dumber than a hundred dead chickens" occasionally. And a particular epithet regarding ‘bunnies’, that was amusing because of the baby word bunny and the overall effect of the expression. Alas, the years have passed, and the ‘bunny’ tale is gone from my memory.
The phrase was quite popular during my time in the (Australian) army, around 5 years ago
And the follow up:
“He’d fuck a woodpile, if he thought there was a snake in it”.
A little tangential, maybe, but puts me in mind of a great parody of Hustler magazine the old National Lampoon did back in the early 80’s. Cover blurb: “Knocking the Teeth Out of Your Cat With a Ball-peen Hammer and Smearing Your Pecker With Tunafish”
Not sure what they were implying about the proclivities of the average Hustler reader. Maybe a clue was the centerfold–a picture of a bunch of holes in a muddy riverbank.
This was years ago, but I worked with a woman (still one of my best friends) who, when things were going wrong, loved to say, ‘Well. lift up my skirts, and fuck me running!’
A setup for another friend saying, “Take off”. Absolutely deadpan.
Fun thing was? We were always in pants.
Yes, but how about the spiders? ;D
-MMM-