I’ve been working part-time since I was sixteen, full time since I was twenty. I’m thirty-seven and the longest time I’ve had off in in that time was two one-week “vacations” (one was for my honeymoon, half of which we spent looking for a new place in the city my employer had told me they were moving to, and the other was for surgery.) I want to give up, but I can’t. I’ve got a wife and two kids counting on hubby/daddy. I want ONE day of caring about absolutely nobody but myself. Twenty-four hours of no problems that affect nobody but me. I’m in a position where I’m the least important person in my life, and it SUCKS. My wife and kids deserve better, but I can’t help the way I feel. I’ve let them down with my mental state, but I can’t help it. I get up at four when I need to, to make sure my wife has her uniform and coffee ready for her job. I want to give up, but I can’t. I want to not care, but I can’t. My wife, my girls, and I, deserve more, but I’m not sure I can give it. I’m at the end of my rope, but I refuse/can’t let go.
I’m not looking for absolution or advise, just a place to vent…
You vented, desk, but The Pit isn’t the best place for somebody already stressed out and exhausted. It doesn’t sound like a casual, Pittish sideswipe would be welcome to you right now.
I’m moving this over to the more tranquil waters of MPSIMS.
Thanks, TVeblen, I felt what I said was best for the pit, but you’ve been at this longer then me, so I’ll take your word for it. (Should I have added more “fucks,” for future reference?)
Hm, given that the google ad was for humor in writing workshops … maybe
Why not take a day off, and do your own version of a spa day? Don’t stay home and do anything around the house, no ‘honey do’ list stuff. Go out for breakfast, after sleeping in. Then go see a matinee movie, shoot a couple games of pool, eat some wings and go to a game - what ever trips your trigger. I don’t care if you go see a disney-oid cartoon or an afternoon of watching strippers. No spouse, no kids, nothing to do but relax.
Hell, as far as I am concerned, make it a 3 day weekend - check into a cheap hotel somewhere and do whatever you want. See if there are any weekend packages at atlantic city / vegas / wherever that appeal to you=)
Everybody deserves to run away form home once and a while. Just because you are married ddoesn’t mean you are grafted together at the hip. You can do something without the rest of the family.
Ditto on everything **aruqvan **said. Any reason why you can’t actually take a day to yourself? Particularly the 3-day weekend.
Come on - no one can take constant stress. And don’t just do it once! Plan it for once a year, or something. It’s not just for you, it’s for your family, to prevent you snapping.
Do you not have vacation time accrued? Sick leave? I dont’ think you can get time away from everything but maybe a day or so at a lower stress level cause dude you are on your way to a heart attack where you won’t have a choice. I can’t truly say I have been there since I don’t have children or a husband but I have worked to the point I was told point blank by my doctor to go home and rest, of course I went back to work that day but I did take a sick day off a couple days later just so I could sleep. Actually this has happened to me a couple of times. I have a better job now.
Folks in the Pit sometime offer up tough (or even cruel) love and it doesn’t sound like you need that right now.
You don’t say what your job is or why you’re not getting more than a week’s vacation at a stretch. If you give more details, we may be able to give more concrete advice as far as career paths go.
As to being depressed, I will say that it’s not unusual to go through blue periods, especially in the winter when we’re sunshine deprived. You’re burned out and stressed out, that’s also not unusual. It’s noble to put other people ahead of you but it sounds like you cannot afford to go much longer without a break. My husband works 65 hours a week and thinks he cannot take more than 5 days off at a stretch. I’ve forced him to re-think his position and have scheduled 2 vacations this year, which he WILL take, because I know that he has reached the point of diminished return. Unless he re-charges his batteries from time to time, even something simple like taking a day to go fishing, he ends up being less productive in the long run. In other words, you aren’t doing anyone any favors by not taking care of yourself first.
You’ve been working non-stop for 25 years. I highly recommend a break for you.
I’d also highly recommend talking to someone. If you can’t afford one, call the social services dept in your area.
Your wife and daughter deserves more. You underestimate yourself, my friend. Growing up we didn’t have money to do much, but we had each other. Nothing can replace having a dad/husband who cares.
DESK, I’m a single mom, I’ve worked full time since I was fifteen, I *completely * understand how you feel. Life can be really freakin’ tedious. We need reserves of strength and patience to deal, and you’ve depleted yours.
You need a break. Everything aruvqan and everyone else said is completely right. Is it possible for you to take a week off? Spend part of it with your family, and part of it by yourself. I try to do it at least once, and preferably twice a year. It’s not a luxury. It’s necessary to my peace of mind.
I don’t know why you haven’t had a real vacation in all these years, but it’s a serious problem. Perhaps the biggest problem is your job, and if you could change it, everything else would be better?
And, on preview, what **PunditLisa ** said. IMO, no one is so important that they can’t take vacations. Does the CEO take vacations? So can you.
Thanks, everybody.
As for taking a vacation, I’m kind of taking one right now. My previous employer closed back in December, so I’m currently unemployed. But looking for a job is harder work then actually working, so it’s not exactly a stress free vacation. I think that’s what caused the above rant. I was on-line filling out job applications, and I thought to myself, I finally get some “time off” and it’s more flipping work and stress then actually working. And to top it off, I can’t really even take one day off right now, because I have to get a job ASAP.
Oh well, it’ll all work out.
I’ve walked in those shoes, desk. It was particularly hard when I was unemployed for 11 months; you work to find a new job, work to make sure things around the house are squared away, especially since there’s some guilty feelings (at least for me) associated with not having a job. I tended to put a lot of pressure on myself to make sure everything around the house was just so, and logged some serious hours each day on the job search. And it ground me down, oh did it. Having never been unemployed can do some pretty wierd things to your head.
I’ d suggest you set aside an hour or two each day and do something for you. Exercise is a good choice; I alsways felt better about things after I’d gone out and played a round of frisbee golf. Stupid, yes, but it gave me time to think, got the blood flowing and helped reduce the stress.
Y’know, you really need to rethink the “I can’t even take a day off” thing. It sounds like you’ve got applications in at a number of places, and I’m not saying don’t keep putting in applications. But honestly, you can’t start a new job when you’re this burnt out. Come up with a better plan - maybe spend 4 days a week investigating jobs and turning in resumes, and take 3 days a week to recharge yourself. A movie day, time with a hobby, heck even just sleeping in then having a lazy breakfast can do wonders.
De-stress a little bit. I understand you have responsibilities, but if you let yourself get so run down and burnt out that it effects your job performance, that’s not keeping up with your responsibilities either. Mental and physical health are basic requirements - don’t let them go out of misplaced loyalty.
When you find one, I suggest you give yourself about a week of time off before you start. You sound completely burned out. Go on a road trip, hell, sleep in, wake up at the crack of noon, make coffee, watch TV and go visit some friends for the weekend. You need some time to decompress.
I recommend too that you see your doctor and talk to him about depression. He may be able to give you some depression medication to help you get through the short term problems. Many people think that once you go on a depression med you must stay on it. This is not true. They will often wean you off once you have gotten through your rough times. I really want you to think about this now, before your depression gets to be overwhelming. Sending supporting thoughts your way.
