So give me one good reason...

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

This is an at-the-end of the tether rant. Bad times are temporary and good folks cope? Well, how long? When is “enough”? In the past 4 years:

  • my mom died
  • finally ditched the drunk, womanizing Ex
  • a feral, conscienceless loser drove me from one job
  • undertook rehabbing a sick but worthy organization
  • inherited all the sickness and baggage of said org.
  • cleaned up work messes, built new facilities, shmoozed those pissed off by predecessor, etc.
  • kept up landmark house

So why the cry-in-the-dark? Too many little things, finally landing together.

I can’t believe I’m whining like this, firmly denying I had a breaking point. But I’m scared to death I’ve reached mine. To wit:

  • worked myself into heat prostration over the weekend; even w/ the meds from the doc, still throwing up today.
  • the construction project went to hell; tractor-trailer stuck across a major hwy, police pissed, rain keeps pouring and I’m still barfing.
  • staff panics, call Board members–and my eval is next week.
  • construction management firm is unreacheable
  • Gateway sends back my laptop–so screwed up I have to completely reformat the C drive and reload everything.

My job is worth doing, but at the moment I’m just too damned tired. What I really want to do is say goodbye to the politics, stress and brouhaha and just simplify; blow it all off and find a better way.

This is so soppy; I’m just too tapped out, exhauseted and drained to figure out what to do. The job pays well–but is this worth it? When is it time to stop trying?

Veb

2

Cheer up. You’ve got a lot invested in these long term projects and you are bound to hit a few snags through the months (years). It’ll get better.

Veb, for you and only you - :slight_smile:

3

Veb,

Maybe an extended weekend is in order. Head out to the closest town, hide in a hotel room, order room service and watch PPV movies and eat junk food.

Sometimes hibernating is a good alternative to throwing up your arms and giving up on the life you have.

Gain a little perspective of you, not the job. Your life should never be your job, your job is to live your life as best you can.

Keep your chin up!

4

I am with Techie on this – time to step back. You are sick, so take some sick time. I assume your job is like mine: they give no medals for heroism! Let things settle and when you go back you will be able to deal with the end result rather than the on-going crises. When things are going wrong it always seems like anything you do is negative feedback… so I have learned to wait until the dust settles. (unfortunate metaphor, but it’s late.)

Sounds like you don’t take much time for yourself. I have learned (the hard way) that your body and soul will force the issue if you ignore them long enough. So, yes – stop trying – at least for a day or so. Then you can decide what you really want out of the whole thing. I will be sending you my best San Francisco vibes!

5

I will start off by sympathizing totally, but since I’m a guy and focused on problem solving I am dropping into my Dale Carnegie coach personality.

You said it yourself: “The job is worth doing.” Who else can do what you do as well as you? Nobody, that’s who. Those problems from today? It may sound like a cliche, but they will be completely forgotten in a couple weeks.

People complained to the board about something you had absolutely no control over? Show the board how well things are going despite the problems. Which, of course, is all because of your inspired leadership, making you worthy of a substantial raise. Which they won’t do and not because of today or anyhing you have done or anything about you. Nobody gets big raises these days, especially if what they do is “worth doing.” That’s supposed to be satisfaction enough. But encourage that staff to be a little more independent. They know their jobs. They don’t need to go crying to mommy and daddy every time a truck jacknifes.

The police complained? Who cares? I’m sure the board doesn’t since nobody (especially them) went to jail. The police complain all the time. It’s their job. As soon as the truck got righted their problem went away.

What you have the most control over is how you handle your problems and how you set your priorities. The landmark house is not a priority unless you are trying to sell it, which you aren’t. DO NOT break your health with maintenance! Pay some neighborhood kid to mow when the grass is just TOO long. Pretend he’s your gardener. Have some of the fun that rich people get to have all of the time. You are going through a rough time. You don’t have to make it rougher.

I bet you are proud of how far your organization has come since you started working with it. In a way, the loser that drove you from your last job did you a sick favor. You can do more good where you are right now. And imagine how miserable you’d be if your ex were still around! He’d be sucking all of the life out of you just when you need it most. But I’m sorry about your mom. There’s no putting a good spin on that.

Go to bed. Get some sleep. Then go in tomorrow and knock 'em dead, Tiger!

6

Oh boy do I know this feeling. Veb, you need a vacation dear. And you need someone to pamper you for a change. I wish you were here because I’d take you out to the Glen Ivy Spa and MAKE you relax at least for a weekend.

I don’t know what to say except that you should think about taking it easy for a little while. Start saying no to people when they ask you for little things that just aren’t mandatory for you to do. You know, like if the neighbor says, “can you watch my kid for an hour while I run to the store?” You’re the kind of kindhearted soul that would do that even if you had 1,000 things of your own to get done.

Also, take some deep breaths and remind yourself that much of what you’ve described is completely out of your control. How does that prayer go?

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Would it help to know you’re not alone? If I ran down the list of things that happened to me within a 4 month span in 1987 you’d wonder how I ever survived it. Every single important person in my life lied to me in very major ways; cheating boyfriend, boss begging me not to look for another job in spite of rumored layoffs promising me my job wasn’t in jeopardy and then laying me off 4 weeks later, best friend knowning about cheating boyfriend and letting it go on behind my back without telling me, mother telling me she’s dying of cancer and has kept it a damn secret for almost a year(father, of course, knowing too and not telling us either), shrink learning about my impending layoff from a coworker who’s also seeing him but not telling me because of doctor/patient privilege, mother then dying after telling me what a worthless excuse for a human being I am which was especially easy to deal with now that I didn’t have a job, a boyfriend, a best friend a shrink or a mother anymore.

Feel better? LOL

And look at me now. I still don’t have a boyfriend, a mother or a shrink, but I do have a job, a best friend and all of you guys. What could be better than that, I ask ya?

Ok, if I could get laid more than once a year, that would probably be an improvement. :wink:

Chin up, girlfriend. It can only get better from here, right?

{{{{{{{{{{Veb}}}}}}}}}}

7

I have to second what techchick said. Take a few days to unwind. None of your projects are going to get done if you put yourself in the hospital!
You’ll feel better and be ready to fight the good fight when you get back.

8

I am with Techie on this – time to step back. You are sick, so take some sick time. I assume your job is like mine: they give no medals for heroism! Let things settle and when you go back you will be able to deal with the end result rather than the on-going crises. When things are going wrong it always seems like anything you do is negative feedback… so I have learned to wait until the dust settles. (unfortunate metaphor, but it’s late.)

Sounds like you don’t take much time for yourself. I have learned (the hard way) that your body and soul will force the issue if you ignore them long enough. So, yes – stop trying – at least for a day or so. Then you can decide what you really want out of the whole thing. I will be sending you my best San Francisco vibes!

9

When is time to stop trying? Never.

But, at the risk of resembling an echo, you do need a break. Just a day or two for TVeblen. No work.

And even - dare I say it? - perhaps no SDMB.

Relax: we work to live not live to work.

We care.

10

TVeblen - I’m sorry about your mother. I dread the time when my own mother will not be around to talk with, especially when times are hard.

I do know how you feel because I had reached my limit back in March. Too many things that had to be done and they had to be done all at the same time at a time when I felt emotionally vulnerable. I was able to get through it by seriously prioritizing and setting some things to the side. It was a time for triage. It was very hard to do because I felt obligated in doing everything I had taken on. But I realized that I would be doing nothing if my mental and physical health went down the tubes.

After putting some things on ice and relegating others to a slow simmer, I also passed responsibility on to others. It is often hard to relinquish immediate responsibility, but fortunately there were a few people who were able to help, especially because I asked them for help.

Once I felt the pressure to get everything done was somewhat relieved by the mental triage and help, I was able to get re-organized so that I could get things done more efficiently. At the same time, I took some time off for me. I’d go birding on Sundays. It doesn’t sound like much, but it helped to clear the mud that had sunk in from all the stuff thrown my way. And when I was able to relax and get organized, I was also able to address some of those items I had put off.

Take care of yourself. Go ahead and cry in the dark - I’ve done that and sometimes I feel better (and sometimes I don’t, but hey, that’s the strange world of tears).

11

Yeah, a good cry is important, too! I’m not all back straight, nose to the grindstone. A total wallow in self pity can be so refreshing! Cathartic.

12

Well, Dear Veb, echoing what all others have said here: you need a break. Don’t be hesitant to ask for one, it’s the vacation season, and it’s of the utmost importance that you take a breather.

From your posts, I see that you give everything you’ve got. The depth of your fine soul sings to us all. You are a wise, witty, generous humdinger, with a gracious razor edge that skirts disaster, yet always finds the most true heart of any situation. Don’t let anyone take advantage of your gracefulness. You have a rare gift, and I hope you can protect it. I’m being selfish here, cause I want to see it flourish! So, take a break, and two weeks without you will make folks aware of how much you are needed. If they don’t see that, they don’t deserve your efforts!

Wishin’ I could send you the flowers that you need most.

13

Honey, we are pretty close to each other right? I think we could both use a break. How far away from Davenport are you?
Josh gets his cast off on Wednesday and I think I can get a babysitter than, my sister owes me big time!

We all know my tragic story over the past month. Dylan and his platlets, Josh hit by a car, my heartattack, brother-in-law suicide, grandpa stroke, I buried my uncle today, and one of my friends is in ICU after surfing on the hood of his car.

Veb, let’s go have a few drinks and have someone drive us home!

14

Veb, I hate to tell you this, but you are human ! (At least I hope you are, you do have a belly button, don’t you ?) All humans have a breaking point, I am amazed you haven’t reached your’s long before now.

I doubt you will break though, bend maybe, but not break. You have managed to do a lot under less that perfect conditions, to say the least. Vent away, talk to us. It’s keeping stuff bottled up with no outlet that causes explosions.

** {{{{{{{{Veb}}}}}}}} **

15

Veb, wow. Nothing like a little peek into someone else’s life to see the beauty in your own. I agree with what everyone else has said, and you do need a break. It has taken me years, but I have learned that if I don’t take care of myself, no one else is going to. Wish I could take some of the load off, even for a little while. I’m here for you, as is everyone on the board here. You are a valued member of our ‘family’ here, and we’re all pulling for you. I am so sorry to hear about your mom, I know how I felt when my mom lost her battle with cancer. Email me if you want to rant or yell, or just need a shoulder to cry on for a while.

{{{{{{{{Veb}}}}}}}}

16

Vebbie, remember that email you sent me before I went in for surgery? Right back at ya. Those were uplifting words.

Remember, this too shall pass. It always does.

Buck up, hon. You have a lot of inner strength.

And don’t quit your job. It’s an important thing that you’re doing. That’s a reward in itself.

17

You have been run, run, running, through all your physical and spiritual resources. And you have finally hit empty. It had to happen, you ignored all the signs. [Don’t feel too bad, I know about a zillion people just like you!]

Your body and soul have been sending you signals that you have been viewing as weakness.

I think, this is an issue of self. You have been pouring your power into every other thing in your life, everything except you.

Think of a parent on a airplane, the oxogen bags drop. Now why do you think they ALWAYS tell parents to put there’s on first. Because otherwise they will fall unconscious before getting their child set up. Do yourself first so you can be there to see to the others who rely on you. It’s a life lesson. Don’t let it take your life.

You need to refuel, in a huge way. Because you have been running past your capacity for too long. A couple of days off doesn’t really cut it. You need to remove one of these projects, or delegate some of it, or say ‘no’ to the next thing that comes up. Pass some of it on to a capable other person. Tell them you have overextended yourself - because you have! The world will not come to a crashing end, I promise.

I am a firm believer in the concept that life sends you a pebble before it sends you a brick.
If you don’t learn from the pebble you are destined to be hit by the brick.

You need to listen very carefully to your inner spirit, it seems to be trying to tell you something.

That’s my 2cents worth anyway, for what it’s worth.

18

techchick (and all who agreed with her) is right.

Take a break. Take a few sick days. And, goddamn it, rest. Catch up on sleep. Hang around on the SDMB. Do whatever you can to keep your mind off of work, and just on relaxing.

You’re wondering whether the job is worth it. I’ll tell you right now, in the shape you’re in, you can’t make that decision rationally. You need to take a break and step back from it before you can decide whether it’s all worthwhile.

And don’t worry about ‘what they might say’ if you do take some time off. You’ve got a note from your doctor. You can point out that trying to do work when you’re as sick as you are would be counter-productive (you wouldn’t get anything of note done, you might even make some really bad decisions because you’re not at 100%). And if they still frown and grumble at you, point out that there’s 4% unemployment and if they really think they can find someone as good as you, they can shove the job up their ass, because you sure as hell can find something better.

Now go lie down and get nothing done.

19

Veb - I can’t offer any advice other than to agree wholeheartedly with the others - but I can say that you’re one of my favorite people here at the SDMB, and I’ll keep you in my thoughts. And we are kind of close geographically, I believe, so if there’s anything I can do to help you out, please get a hold of me. I’ll be there.

{{{{{{Veb}}}}}}

20

Veb, I can’t improve on all this good advice, so I’ll just add my good thoughts and wishes that everything will work out soon. Take care.

{{{{Veb}}}}