Where you are now, they treat you badly, and undermine your self-esteem.
Can I invite you to consider that as long as you are in a situation of being undermined, you will feel worse and worse, and more likely to accept that poor opinion of yourself as close to accurate. Which it ain’t (see later)
Unless, that is, you have some other strong influence that values you and enhances your self-esteem. Family or partner, say.
So, perhaps in a way, the longer you stay in this job, the more harm you will suffer. Does that sound likely?
If so, getting out of it is essential.
If you have enough self-estem to keep applying for other jobs while remaining at the Hell-hole, you might do that and keep a sense of security going by having no period of unemployment.
If you have people, funds or gumption to support you while looking for another job, you could just walk. You’d have more time and a strong motivation to apply for other work.
Certainly it sounds like you have qualities that make you an excellent employee: you persevere in difficult circumstances, are not disruptive, have a high level of experience and education, are computer-trained, etc.
If you do well by reading books, the best book ever written on jobs, careers and all that is “What Colour is Your Parachute?”. I can’t remember the author and publisher, but you won’t need them; any good bookshop will know it.
You are taking the right steps. Feeling scared and unsettled is part of the process that can’t be avoided. Keep going ahead, and do everything you can to acknowledge that in fact, you have a good deal of control of the situation.
Okay? Sermon over, usual foolishness will now be resumed.
[sub] so this isn’t the thread for blowing up a cat? Okay, 'bye![/sub]