Dealing with tragedy. I’ve been so uncertain with everything. I can’t seem to even type it. I’m in panic as I type. Self-conscious of typing this (and why I can’t post a YouTube song).
And I also wonder if it doesn’t backfire; the feeling of ‘all eyes on me’, but also being ‘identified’. Once you let shit out on the internet, it seems to be there forever.
And when you see people’s true colors… even when THEY offer help. I guess there must have been a dozen of ‘important’ people around watching their empty deed.
On the benefits of posting about personal tragedy: there are broadly two things you can get out of it – the personal catharsis of expressing your tragedy in words for all to see, which may be both painful and healing; and receiving various kinds of sympathy from a lot of internet strangers, which can also be healing.
Maybe neither of those are what you need, at least not right now. Nevertheless, I offer what I can, which is my best wishes for easing of whatever pain and anguish you may be feeling.
Thank you all. Part of me wants to say something. Probably a lot, but at 2:30am, a couple hours of sleep, I best not say anything. It’s not going to bring him back. This is only becoming more difficult each day, and it’s been a month.
A month isn’t a long time in dealing with a tragedy. It will get easier eventually, but in the meantime, if you’re having persistent trouble sleeping, or if you’re feeling constantly mentally overwhelmed in any other way, maybe hie thee to a psychiatrist and get some meds for that? There is no shame in getting help for your brain when it’s struggling with a heavy load.
You’re needing to open up to someone, it sounds like. You can’t continue to carry this in silent aloneness. It’s dreadfully bad for your mental health. Speak to a friend, get drunk and let it all out to a barkeep, write it all down in a journal, but you gotta do something!
Keeping it all just bottled up inside, is an unwise/dangerous strategy, please reconsider.
Sending you love and care, hoping you find a way through, to share your burden, so others can offer you the support you need.
I don’t know. My tragedies to date have been few. I’ve shared them to ease the pain. Losing my father and having to take care of my elderly Mother have been my biggest one and without sharing it I’m not sure I would have gotten through these last few years mentally intact. I do know that everyone handles grief differently. We are all strangers but for the most part we are compassionate strangers. If you need us reach out.
That’s been the problem. It seems like everyone disappeared. Except for one cousin of mine who came over for a few hours the first weekend, and it was the only time I wasn’t in a constant panic, and he came the Sunday (Easter) after that. And then by the third weekend, I was constantly waiting for a call. By the fourth, I asked if he wanted to watch the game, but he was busy. I can’t get used to that. I think it was one of those “I’ll come over a few times because the tragedy is fresh” but I guess no one wants to deal with it. There’s nothing anyone can really do anyway. I was alone before this, and the times I was with people = very little sleep. Over-stimulation, overwhelming, and just being easily irritated, so I think it’s best to stay home and stay away from people.
I say this very hesitantly, not knowing you or your situation at all, but are you sure that anybody in your circle KNOWS that you want some help dealing with it?
Did you just say to the cousin “Hey, wanna watch the game this weekend?” As opposed to something like “I’m really struggling and feeling overwhelmed a lot, I don’t want to burden you, but it would be a huge relief just to get together soon and do something normal and low-key like watching the game, so would that be possible”?
Just because somebody says “No” to the former question doesn’t mean that they wouldn’t want to say “Yes” to the latter.
Yeah, people are shit at dealing with other people’s tragedies, but it’s not like any of us feels good about that. We don’t end a conversation with a bereaved friend or family member and think smugly “Well, at least I managed to get out of doing anything to help comfort this valued person in their overwhelming trauma and grief!” If we know that there’s something specific (and not too hugely onerous) we can do that really will comfort the bereaved, we generally feel pretty good about that.
Anyway, you know that we rando teeming dipsticks are here in your virtual world, and we’re happy to do whatever we can to help, if we know what that is. Don’t ever tell us anything more than you want to, but you can always ask for help.
I was very clear and precise. But, I think many people just repeat cliches, thinking you’ll never ask for said help. But it’s not going to bring anyone back to life, anyway.
No, it isn’t, but being a shoulder to lean on can sometimes provide some comfort to the survivors. Don’t stop reaching out to people, although maybe not so much to the people who are being consistently unresponsive.