I'm Stan Brown's Rig

Hi! I’m your average 18-wheeler Peterbilt, owned by trucker Stan Brown. He’s an easygoing, towheaded, bearded fellow about Brad Garrett’s height, with a 5-foot-tall wife Louise. She’s soft-spoken, and looks like Velma of Scooby-Doo; Stan trerats her like a queen.
They have three big, strapping boys: Arthur, a high school senior; Brian, a sophomore; and Charles, who’s in junior high. Arthur dates a few girls, including Jean Sharp, from a rich family. Brian’s girlfriend is a kind deaf-mute girl named Claudia. Young Charles is a complete newcomer to the Dating Game.
The Browns have a green pickup and a sedan along with me, and Louise can handle all three vehicles as well as Stan. And she handles the boys too–she and Stan are fine parents; the boys will not cross their mother.
Ther scene opens with Louise pulling me onto the lot of a truck stop locally for fuel and routine maintenance. She’s about to exit the cab, when some other truck drivers see her. Stan is there to meet her, but the other drivers don’t see him.

(Enter Mr. King)
Louise cuts her finger as she leaves the tractor trailer, the blood slowly absorbed by the rig. Her back to the tractor trailer as she walks inside she does not see the lights shimmer as softly as moonlight over a knife.

Louise has caught the eye of two drivers who have seen this shapely little woman step into the combination cashier’s counter/coffee shop. Stan, with a practiced eye that served him during his time as a Marine, goes inside too, through the door on the other side. They still don’t notice him, let alone his muscular arms or baleful expression.

The truck tip toes behind Stan definitely noticing his arms. Truck can smell his hair, almost taste it, in the light breeze. Stans hair smells of grease and sex and Truck ponders what weight Stans love oil is. As Truck slowly closes the distance he can faintly read the tatoo and his ponderings cause his radio to squak wondering truly if Stan is indeed ‘The First In and Last Out’.

Stan, however, is no fool, and turns around, glowering at this strange person. Even I, an 18-wheeler, can tell. Meanwhile, Louise has paid for the fuel and service, and approaches Stan with two cups of coffee and two grilled cheese sandwiches. Then their son Brian walks in and starts signing to his deaf-mute girlfriend Claudia. Two smart-aleck truckers notice this and decide two bait her and Brian. Louise, known for what she says (she tends to be soft-spoken and lets Stan do the angry stuff), turns a keen eye on her son and his girlfriend, and the potential troublemakers.

Truck is momentarily confused and freezes. Had Stan not really recognized Truck? Had Stan himself not slid his own hands sensually over the steering wheel of Truck? Had not Stan and Louise both now slammed the stick shift of Truck through all of Trucks gears? Truck remembers Stan bouncing up and down the pneumatic seat a little more than was necessary during long and lonely nights over the road.

The blood of Louise speaks to Truck, Stan not only knows Truck but needs Truck. Why else would Stan lead Truck to the side door? Down the side of the building cloaked in darkness and anonymity?

The moment over, with the flow of Louise’s blood and a flush of coolant Truck slowly sways in the breeze. A Truck-tree tantricly twisting transfixing t-Stan. A swaying semi stroking Stans stormy psyche.
Truck flushes yet more coolant to remain calm and recites the Peter Principle.

Most of the time I just hang around am I’m pretty flexible. If you start messing with me I start to get hard. The more you mess with me the harder I get. If you mess with me enough I am going to fuck someone.

Truck only now realizes how sexy an eagle grasping a long flag pole is.

Yes, Truck has been messed with.
And yes, someone is getting fucked.

Well, as a matter of fact, someone is. Jack and Eloise, Jean Sharp’s wealthy parents, are going at it fast and furious with each other in the truck stop’s storeroom. I recognize their voices–both have negotiated freight deals with Stan and Louise. Jack and his wife go after each other with the passion of rabid otters!
Claudia glances to one side. She sees the rich couple through one of few open windows inside the building. She turns to Brian and his parents, shocked. She signs:

And then Dracula shows up and orders a grilled cheese sandwich, as he normally does.

Truck is stunned and stops dancing. There are always rumors of such a being. Whispers in the night and tales that even cause frames to shudder. Yet before Truck is such a being. Teeming Millions ™ have sought barest scraps of proof of such an entity, and before Truck it stands. Truck shuffles forward, careful not to move too quick. Twnderly creeping forward, the gravel crunching under tires and closes in awe.

BEHOLD! The deaf mute who signs in MUTE!

The monstrous entity advances on Stan, who, with his Marine training, stands his ground. Nobody else so much as flinches. Claudia signs to Brian; Stasn and Louise can read her signs. An old friend of Stan’s, Joe Bradley, comes in with his 5’11", preposterously shapely wife Jane, with a 48" bust. All of these people fix their eyes on those of the intruding monster, including Jack and Eloise, disheveled from their passionate tryst.

The monster’s fiery red eyes meet the large brown eyes of Louise. Her face seems expressionless. The beast, looking somewhat like Chewbacca, trembles. Louise steps calmly, silently forward, never taking her eyes off the monster’s. She does not even remove her glasses. The “wookie” becomes more and more tense…

The pregnant pause is finally broken, after all this time. The “wookie” blinks–and pees! The beast breaks down and cries. Everyone laughs; except for us–me, and the other big rigs; we have more dignity. Brian signs to Claudia and she laughs strangely.
Jack hands Stan a freight order. Louise, and her boys, and Claudia, get in the sedan. Joe and Jane drive away.
Stan drives me to San Francisco, where…