So Friday morning the power went off where I work. I was under the very hopeful impression that I could leave for the day, so I took off. After an hour, apparently, the power came back on and people went back to work. Except for me. I think I’m gonna get in trouble when my boss comes in.
Saturday night / Sunday morning I hooked up with some guy who complained of heartburn at 6:30 a.m. and left. I’ve used that excuse myself when wanting to leave… He left his watch and left me a voice message. I haven’t responded yet.
Sunday I watched Not Another Teen Movie and thought it was very well done. The main jock guy in it is really hot. But not as hot as Richard Hillman, the uncredited actor who played the Harvard guy who introduces the new law students to each other on the grass when Elle first gets to law school in Legally Blonde. I really think I’d like to marry him. He was also in Bring it On, which coincidentally, is spoofed in Not Another Teen Movie. I think it’s fate. I think it’s the stars telling me to stalk this obscure actor.
I hope I don’t get fired for leaving work on Friday. Actually, getting fired wouldn’t be so bad; it would force me to find something else. The only bad thing about it would be that my dad would be upset, I wouldn’t be making money, I’d have no health insurance, and it would look bad on my resume.
Now it’s 8:25 on Monday morning, the coffeemaker is gurgling its ebony vomit, and I’ve only nine hours until I go to the gym to make a sweaty dumbfatass out of myself.
An appropriate response might be something along the lines of:
“Oh my God! My cousin is Richard Hillman! He happens to be somewhat of a closeted homosexual, and has really been wanting to get into a relationship with an intelligent, attractive, funny guy! And he’s going to be moving to Chicago tomorrow to shoot a movie! It’s going to star him and Parker Posey, and he said that they need another actor, preferably a Chicagoan who graduated from the University of Chicago in music! Give me your number and I’ll pass it along!”
Oh my God! My cousin is Richard Hillman! He happens to be somewhat of a closeted homosexual, and has really been wanting to get into a relationship with an intelligent, attractive, funny guy! And he’s going to be moving to Chicago tomorrow to shoot a movie! It’s going to star him and Parker Posey, and he said that they need another actor, preferably a Chicagoan who graduated from the University of Chicago in music! Give me your number and I’ll pass it along!
Chicago? We’re practically neighbors, yet you never drop by for a cup of coffee?
