Well, it is that time of year again when I brave the mall to fulfill my Christmas shopping obligation. There is no everyday activity that I hate more than gift shopping, for anyone. I already have an anxiety disorder, and the ritual of buying gifts for loved ones that are supposed to somehow express our feelings for them (“it’s the thought that counts”) only ramps up the nervousness. I’m including this as a prelude to the main account because I feel it excuses my behavior to some degree.
As I was wandering around the local mall, an attractive woman from Israel (she told me she was, anyway) at a kiosk asked if I wanted to try some lotion. I agreed to let her give me a dab of it (first mistake), and while doing so, she told me how rough my fingernails were. “Follow me,” she said. I did (second mistake), and she demonstrated a fingernail buffer that left my right thumbnail with a beautiful shine (which is still there). Long story short, I ended up buying over $100 worth of skin and nail care products from a company called Seacret. I have salt supposedly from the Dead Sea, the fingernail treatment kit, foot lotion, hand lotion, and two bars of soap. Will I use all of this stuff? God, now I feel I have to!
The moral of the story: Never stop at kiosks in malls if you’re a sucker like me for beautiful women. Ever. Keep moving.