I'm summoning Cthulu

Anybody need anything?

Could you ask if he has any tips on getting to Yuggoth from here? The Mapquest driving directions are terrible.

Could you see if he’ll eat my boss first? 'Cause I really don’t like that guy.

Try Google.

Could you ask him to tone down the creepy dreams a touch? I kinda need my beauty rest.

You speak as if being eaten first is not a great boon.

I do have a request; i’m thinking of redecorating. Could you ask if he perhaps has any particular tips? Wallpaper ideas?

I am so not volunteering to be your summons server.

Can he transmogrify me into something unspeakable and nameless, a spawn of utter madness from beyond the pitifully small fragment of the cosmos that mankind’s frenzied eyes can perceive ?

My garden needs a complete makeover, does he have any tips for a low-maintenance small urban space? Maybe with a little water feature, but no bark chippings or gravel 'cos the cats will just think it’s an extension to the litter tray.

If he’s coming to visit, would you mind askin’ him to phone first? Cthulhu is infamous for just showin’ up and I’d at least like to have enough notice so’s I can have a pie ready and maybe some iced tea.

Ask him to bring pie.

Somehow I never expected it to be this…mundane.

Accompanied by insane giggling and obsessive-compulsive gesturing, perhaps.

In righteous fury: imagine a thread titled Paris Hilton Released – All right, that’s it! I’m Summoning Cthulhu!

As an act of cool professionalism: Cheney says plan complete, "I’m summoning Cthulhu."

But not with a casual offer to pick something else up on the way.


A bottle of Hastur Oil perhaps?

Oh crap.

This is a really bad idea. Have you reviewed your protections, incantations and verified you are strong of will and steady of voice?

If not, you could be committing an act worse than suicide that will unleash a level of brutality on the world not seen for at least a [del]millennium, not wait, maybe a century, strike that, since the end of WWII, nope, I forgot the genocides in Africa,[/del] ok a few weeks ago.

Anyway, please be careful and if you succeed, can he do something about a certain VP, expose him as being one of the old ones?


Would you please remind him that it’s his turn to bring the keg this time? I got it the last two times, and I am not falling for that again.

I could go for some chicken nuggets and fries right now, actually.

What was that remark about the banality of evil?

I mean, if you ignore the mind-twisting extradimensionality of it, yes, it is quite banal.

I’m thinking… Cthulu’s Pizza Delivery! Your pizza in 30 minutes… or YOU will be eaten!

Oh, not again.

/goes off to alert Prof Armitage.

heh…In Soviet Yuggoth, you eat Cthulu!