I'm sure you're not guilty of this

But dammit, everyone else is.

It’s something I see every day. It’s a common courtesy that most of the population has never learned. It also happens to be the most disgusting, vile, disease spreading thing I’ve ever seen.

When the fuck will people learn to cover their mouths and/or noses when they cough or sneeze? Carry a damn tissue in your sleeve if you don’t want to use your hand. And mothers, please wipe dripping snot from your children’s faces.

Humans are the dirtiest animals on the planet.


“All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.” Stephen Wright

“Humans are the dirtiest animals on the planet.”

—You’ve obviously never met my cat, Dorothy.

Are you calling me Dorothy, or is your cat’s name Dorothy?

How can a cat be dirty?


“All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.” Stephen Wright

My cat’s name is Dorothy (yes, she has a sister named Lillian). Although, I WILL call you Dorothy if you get off on it . . .

Anyway, if Dorothy is annoyed with me about anything, she will take a crap on the kitchen floor. One o’ these days I’m gonna turn that cat into a bedroom slipper.

When my cat gets mad he takes a leak on the bed. And he usually waits until I’m in it. I’ll take fecal matter on the floor over urine on the bed any day.

Do you want two bedroom slippers?

As for the OP, what I can’t stand are people who cover their mouths to cough and then want to hand me something. Like, I just saw you get germs all over that hand.

Naw, don’t call me Dorothy, Eve. I do like Dot, though.

Well, just think if I was pissed off at you (would never happen) and I went into your kitchen, held one nostril and blew, hard, onto your floor. That is waaaaay more disgusting than cat poop, don’t you agree?


“All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.” Stephen Wright

Hey, Lady! Get outta my way when I’m sneezin’! Cantcha see I’m sneezin’, here?


Uke

I went to get some take-out soup for lunch today. It comes with toasted pita bread. Anyway, the cashier takes the orders of the women in front of me and deals with their money. Then she takes my order and ladles out the bowl of soup. So far, so good. THEN, she uses her hand to put the pita bread in the bag. UGH! She might as well have wiped her hand on the floor and then handled the bread. Needless to say, I didn’t eat it. People are disgusting. Or maybe I’m just obsessive-compulsive about dirt on money.

Pretty damned squeamish for someone who
plays something with a spit valve.

KSO,

I’m glad to hear I’m not the only one with this hang-up. If someone handles money at the cash register, I’d just as soon not have them handle my food bare-handed. Granted, I don’t know what goes on behind the scenes, but at least I lower my germ contact that way. Now if I could get rid of all my cats, that would help even more!


Bitch by Birth

Finagle: Please, please show me a spit valve on my saxophone - it doesn’t have one.

So there.

“All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.” Stephen Wright

I sit corrected. So this means you just spray spit saturated air over your audience? Ewwww…

That’s right! We saxophonists take the mouthpiece OFF, and SHAKE the spit out of it!

Spit valves. Hmph.

Trombonist.


Uke

Finagle - I’m giving you front row tickets to my next show.

And I don’t think EXHALING (a.k.a. blowing) is the same as coughing or sneezing.

You’re right Uke, total tromBONER.


“All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.” Stephen Wright

<<Well, just think if I was pissed off at you (would never happen) and I went into your kitchen, held one nostril and blew, hard, onto your floor. That is waaaaay more disgusting than cat poop, don’t you agree?>>

I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that I would much rather have you blow your nose on my kitchen floor than have you or your cat take a shit on it.


“Can’t sleep… Clown’ll eat me! Can’t sleep… Clown’ll eat me!”

I didn’t say anything about my shit. Cat shit is small, hard and doesn’t have a strong ass odor.

Come on, you’d really be more irked about a tiny bit of cat shit than someone blowing a yellow slimy mucous ball on your floor?

Nobody’s convinced me otherwise: Humans are disgusting.


“All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.” Stephen Wright

Oh gee, a thread that has degraded into a discussion of my two favorite things in the whole world: saxophones and cats.

Did I accidentally wander into MPSIMS again?


Gypsy: Tom, I don’t get you.
Tom Servo: Nobody does. I’m the wind, baby.

Are we talking about the same animal here? All the cat shit that I’ve ever had the pleasure of encountering smells absolutely vile.

Hell, there hasn’t been a cat in my house for over two years, and the place where we kept the litterbox still reeks.


“Can’t sleep… Clown’ll eat me! Can’t sleep… Clown’ll eat me!”

I am one of those weirdos who cough in their. Yes I actually pull my shirt out and cough inside. I hate fucking germs and dont want to spread them…if both hands are full of items I cough away. I hate when ppl cough at me so in this case I do unto others as I would have them do unto me.

{carefully making a note for Alphagene’s next Birthday Surprise.}


Uke