Sweet lord in hell I had a crappy day at work! Who didn’t? But mine was really bad! I’m a manager! So what! I’m really just a glorified babysitter! It’s not impressive at all! And still I find fresh ways to be humiliated there! I was doing my job! But they thought I wasn’t! So they made me feel like a jerk! I rarely stand up for myself in those situations! I think it makes me look like I’m coming up with excuses! But I should have said something! The details are unimportant! And boring! I’ll tell them to you later! They were wrong! I never say anything! I try to be a pacifist! I try to retain my dignity! But that’s how people take advantage of you! Then my bus left just as I ran up to it! I yelled, but he wouldn’t stop! And I know he heard me! Then a scary-looking teenage girl spit on me while I was waiting for the next bus! I don’t know if she meant to! But I didn’t say anything! I was afraid I’d get violent! So I got on the next bus that pulled up! It was the wrong bus! I had to ride it to the end of the line and then ride it back to where I started! I got home 2 hours late! I seem to attract random assaults! I’ve had complete strangers beat me up! One guy broke a bottle against my leg! One guy got all up in my mix in a gas station convenience store! He kept shoving me and telling me to say “I’m a bitch”! About myself, not him! He said his friends out in the car would shoot me if I went outside! Actually he said they’d put a cap in my ass! I didn’t know people actually said that! I thought it was a term screenwriters used to sound “ghetto”! I didn’t go outside! The woman behind the counter had to call the cops! I never provoked any of these people! So what! It’s all in the past! But when I’m provoked without cause, it reminds me! I start seething! I fantasize about smashing their heads against the hood of my car! I would never do it! My car was stolen months ago! I had just paid it off! The cops said it was in a “bad neighborhood”! I live in Oakland! That describes 85% of the city! Maybe I should have parked it in San Francisco and taken the bus out here every day! Except I probably would have gotten on the wrong bus! I live in a better neighborhood now! I hate yuppies! But sometimes I wish I lived in a perfect white- picket-fence dream mansion in a rich area! They probably don’t have to listen to street fights and drunken neighbors screaming at each other! I like to think I’m not materialistic! I once got rid of all my possessions to prove it to myself! But I re-bought most of it! I missed my stuff! But I tell myself books and CD’s aren’t just possessions! They’re art! But I bought lots of other stuff too! So I’m a fraud! This is all inconsequential! I know that! Other people on the boards have been through real tragedies lately! They’ve had loved ones die! I feel bad for them! I never know what to say to them! My life is pretty great, in general! I live with my girlfriend! I’m in love! I’ve got two great kids! I eat what I want! I’m usually happy! Maybe people with no real problems magnify trifles until they attain tragic status! I apologize! I know this is horribly immature! But maturity’s overrated! My dad is mature! We don’t get along! Sorry about this, mods! I hope I’m not taxing the boards! Mods, you scare me! I know you’re just people! But you’ve got that authority! You hardly ever just shoot the sh*t! Except Coldfire and TVeblen! They’ve responded to me! I like them! I’m sure monitoring these posts is taxing! Especially this one! But I’d like to get to know you as people! Come down off the mountain more often! I think when humanity dies out, the dolphins will take over! They’ll evolve and walk on land and wear suits! And you know what else? They’ll fly! And there will be a Cecil Adams dolphin with his own column! He’ll be quite pithy! No, I don’t take drugs! Yes, I know all these exclamation marks are annoying! I annoy myself sometimes! That’s why I sleep! To get away from myself for a while! If you respond, please don’t copy my style! It’s not even original! Lester Bangs wrote an article full of exclamation points! Looking over this I don’t even want to post it now! But I will! I’m crazy like that! Don’t try to stop me! There’s nothing you can do! I’m feeling much better! Thanks for listening! You guys are the best! I think I’ll take a bath now!
That’s the coolest rant I’ve ever seen. Denis Leary would be proud.
Ok I’m paying attention to you!
Your exclamation points were annoying at first, but by the end I found them rather addictive, to be honest with you. I am terribly sorry that you had such a crappy day at work. I think you’re an interesting person with a fabulous username and some very funny posts. Even the post above made me laugh out loud a couple of times, and I’m sure you weren’t trying to be funny. Also, in the interest of paying attention to you, I even checked out your webpage, and found it very droll.
So there ya go. Now let me buy ya a drink.
Wow. I agree, the exclamation points are annoying, but addictive. I read it all in a “One time… at band camp…” voice.
Ok now that you’ve frightened me, you may borrow my uterus. Wouldn’t want you to pop a cap in me.
This… is the most beautiful thing… I’ve ever seen.
Random, incoherent rambling is friggin’ hilarious. You rock. So there.
I hope the Super Bowl party will make you feel better.
Waitaminit… maybe you already have my uterus! It’s unattached and is floating around, causing your hysteria! Woo!
How was your day?
Rasa, I hope he’s got it, because I really don’t need to see your uterus just floating around out there.
That was great, I actually didn’t mind the exclamation points, but good grief, the enter key is your friend.
Again, i say.
Heehee… I have the image of a big floating uterus balloon.
This cheering you up, woodstock?
Hey Rasa what color is your’s? one went bobbing by the window here not 2 minutes before i read this post, if i’d have know i’d have grabbed it for you
Come to the party and get major hugs.
:eek: That question makes me vaguely uncomfortable, Upham. Thanks for trying to catch my wayward uterus.
Is that like What Color Is Your Parachute?
Sorry to weird you out Rasa (i anyone’s interested, a lovely pink and blue kidney just floted by, i think it was about a size 3)
Woah, dude, that’s one hell of a ball of tension you just let go of.
certainly hope you enjoyed that bath
raising my glass to you
At least you have a job.
Now watch me not pay attention to you.
I’m going to sulk over here now.
Oh, it was all right. And you?
JBirdman12, Brunetter, Mnementh and Kristoph, thanks. You are now my favorite posters that were strangers to me before. Rest assured I’ll be following your posts with the dedication of a deranged stalker from now on.
Upham, high praise coming from the master.
Snooooop, Zenster and slackergirl, thanks, and I’ll look forward to those hugs on Sunday.
Rasa, I’ll look forward to seeing you too - just one question: you’re talking about your uterus floating around and I’m the one that’s woozy?
Anyway, I do feel much better now. Glad you all appreciated it.
Dude…Take a deep breath. The rant was amusing from an outsider’s pov but here’s some Mr. Bubbles and blue foam soap for the next time ya need a bath (provided ya give us the rant first) If it’s good maybe I’ll lend ya my rubber ducky and loofa too.