Our cat would open a door to a room, let the stupid evil dog in there, then reclose the door.
Every cat I’ve ever had was dumber than a doorknob. Even the sweetest ones. My current one, Jork, ok…he was a feral kitten when we got him. But he’s been in this household, this very mellow, laid-back quiet household with no kids, no adults who yell at each other, no one to give him shit or play head games with him, no loud noises or unexpected happenings for 3 years, and he still, STILL acts like we’re going to kill him and eat him for dinner and he has to protect himself. You never know when you reach out to pet him if he’s going to reluctantly let you, or draw blood. Holding him is out of the question, he puts up with it for about 2 seconds then starts biting to be let down. I love him but damn, have I got scars and wounds aplenty, just from trying to be nice to him. Try to pet him, he bites (sometimes). Ignore him and he bites (always). The only thing he really likes is having his tail pulled. Not pulled pulled, but he’ll walk by and I wait until his head is past and then pet his head, all the way down his back, then grab his tail and as he walks by, give it a gentle tug until it’s all the way to the end. He loves that. He’ll walk by several times and if I don’t do it, he’ll bite my foot. I do it once, he wants it done 20 times, he’ll keep walking by over and over. Weirdo.
But that’s not all. If he wants in or out of a room, say, the bathroom, and the door is open 3-4 inches, he’ll just sit there until I open it more. He won’t get his head in and push it open more with his shoulder. That would be smart, and all my other cats, dumb as they were, did it. No, you have to open it completely so he has plenty of room to go through. Dumber than a box of rocks. He’s cute as hell though, and has the cutest “look at me, I’m SOOOOOO cute!” meowiestmeow, I can never be mad at him.
[/hijack, because I had to get the thought of cat condoms out of my head]
One of my cats acts quite similar to this too. Half-feral acting, skittish, but he likes to have his tail pulled like that. Weird.
Bwahahaha…that is priceless.
Remember, there is more than one way to skin a cat, though some are more entertaining than others.
I’m sorry but every cat owner should know that no interior door in a cat household ever gets closed. If it does, the cat has the right to piss all over everything. It’s right there in the Constitution, somewhere towards the end I think.
What kind of condition are his whiskers in?
I thought of that too, but also thought of the irony of Equipoise calling the cat stupid because the cat’s figured out how to make the person open the door with just a look.
Still, its a basic truth of haute cuisine, you can’t hide your lyonnaise.
Have you considered letting the cats run free and locking the baby in the office? I mean, it’s not a perfect plan, your computer is still in considerable danger, but she’s unlikely to specifically piss on it. 
That was just payback for the time the dog put the “kat fud” sign on the clothes dryer.
Equipoise, I thought you’d stolen my cat for a moment.
You are sitting next to someone who fucked their cat three times?!
I have to wonder what sort of conversation with a stranger one just met in an airport would lead to such a thing being mentioned.
Maybe the claw marks are a conversation piece.
The only tried-and-true cure for cats pissing is to follow the 3 B’s Approach: Brick, Burlap Sack, Bridge.
There are people who like them. No, seriously, I’ve met them, I’m not making this up.
I’d call bullshit, but I’ve actually met a few such people myself. Stranger than fiction.
But this being the Pit, I’ll just point out that if that’s the case, the OP has only himself to blame. If mice were pissing all over everything, most people would pay good money to have someone come out and kill the stupid things.