I'm too young for this crap...nostalgia sucks.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
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[whine alert] this message contains self-pity [/whine alert]

I’m right smack in the middle of one of my periodic bouts of raging homesickness. I feel lonely and isolated. I’m sad because lately when I call up my close friends and family, we have no common experiences to share.

All of this should be no big deal. I mean, I’ve lived up here for a year and a half now, and felt this way many times. I eventually get busy and get over it. After all, it’s not that much longer until Christmas vacation, right? I’ll get to go home, spend time with family and friends, etc, etc…

But it occurred to me tonight that I’m sad because it’s not really a physical location or specific people that I am missing. I’m homesick for…phases of my life that are over. That is a very depressing thought. VERY depressing. I can’t take a few days vacation to go visit my college years. I can visit old college buddies, but we don’t have that intense connection anymore. They’re all getting married, getting real jobs, having kids. Grad school is feeling like some wierd No Man’s Land.

I know everybody goes through this stupid crap. So how did y’all deal with it? Because I am about two seconds away from going through all my old pictures and crying into my hot chocolate. Come on people, don’t let me cave in! Quick! I need an intervention!! Somebody come slap me out of my pointless, self-indulgent melancholy!!!

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[slap]
[slap]

Better now? Here, have some Froot Loops. :smiley:

You’re in Grad School? Well, sheesh, no wonder you’re feeling dislocated, disoriented, disturbed, dysfunctional, and just about every other kind of “dis” I can think of. Grad Students, as is well known, are not Human Beings. Grad school is a sort of larval stage, a metamorphosis, during which humans abandon all semblance of humanity in order to sublimate all normal human desires to the single-minded task of Finishing School. Therefore, just as the caterpillar trapped in its self-manufactured chrysalis feels dislocated, disoriented, disturbed, dysfunctional, and just about any other kind of “dis” you can think of, so do you.

And the worst part of it is, for both you and the caterpillar–you volunteered for this.

And the caterpillar has you beat, because at least he’s not paying money to have this done to him.

Seriously, though, you’re just in transition. Grad school, you’re not “in college” but you’re not “graduated” yet. People say in surprise, “What, are you still in school? I thought you were done”, and you stand there lamely explaining, “Uh, no, I’m in grad school now,” but nobody really knows what “grad school” means, except that it gives you another year to screw around and pretend you’re doing something worthwhile, before you have to go Out In The World and get a real job.

Well, how I get through this kind of thing myself is, This Too Shall Pass, you know?

Go eat something childish and juvenile with lots of sugar and empty carbohydrates in it, you’ll feel better. Me, I’m eating Froot Loops, although I understand that Frosted Flakes work well for some people.

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[sub]hoping you realize I was not meaning to sound truly derogatory about grad school–I have the greatest respect for people who spin those chrysalises around themselves, the Better Half having been one for a while[/sub]

:slight_smile:

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Life is a one way street, you can’t go back. This can inspire sadness and nostalgia as you realise that the best bits are in the past. But what will surprise you is that often, the best bits lay yet to come. Sure, it’s hard to see the future when you are so busy getting on with the present, but there are still a lot of exciting firsts in front of you, and it will always be so. Soon you will be starting your first new job. Your potential for success and fulfillment should be hopefully abetted by the extra time which you have chosen to put into Grad school. You will embark on relationships, meet new people, have the money to do some things you like to do, possibly get married or start a family. The future is still yours to write. You are only finishing up the foreword at this point.

Cry a bit, eat your fruit loops, then focus on the present again so that you can get on to your exciting future!

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::Sigh::

Thanks, guys. I know all this, but needed to be reminded, I guess.

DDG, don’t worry, I feel no need to defend grad school to anybody, you won’t offend me :smiley: People keep asking me exactly what you do with a PhD, and all I can do is shrug.

I think my problem is that last year I was so swamped and overwhelmed by school that I had absolutely no social life, so I felt like I had an excuse for being miserable. But now I’ve learned how to balance things better (sort of), I’ve met a ton of people, I party a fair amount, so I feel like I should be feeling better.

But I have a very hard time letting people get closer than arms-length, and I miss the relationships I had just a couple of years ago. My friends up here are more…I don’t know, casual? Great people, just not real close.

And so, in summary, I am bummed. :slight_smile:

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So, a year and a half done? Whatta got, about the same left? You’re moving along, and as ShibbOleth notes, there’s likely better ahead than anything behind (which you can’t go back to, anyway). Buck-up Bucko!

Good luck! I mean it. Here, have another Froot Loop [sub](is that really how you spell that?)[/sub].

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Got two and a half left (I skipped doing a masters, so the PhD is going to take 4 years).

My professional life is moving along. Personal life is not doing so good. Professional is easy. Personal is hard.

Whine whine whine :slight_smile:

You’re right, you’re right.

I have no idea how you spell Fruit Loops, since I go straight for the hard stuff. This brownie batter is a beautiful thing.

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I got my master’s in 1999. During my grad school years, I heard one of the best descriptions of graduate school. It came from a family member explaining what graduate school was to her 12 year old son, my stepcousin.

She said, “You know what college is?”

He said, “Yeah.”

“Well, if you do well enough in college and you graduate, they let you come back for more.”

The kid couldn’t understand why I was laughing so hard.

I had no social life either during grad school, and I had the same experiences that is described in the OP. Uncanny how similar Limerick’s description was. My personal life was pretty much in stasis for a while. Grad school was just a black hole for time.

Just think of it as time invested in a worthwhile future. It’ll pay off eventually. Although perhaps I’m not the best example of this. I got my master’s in June, 1999, and I’m still waiting for the payoff. But if things go my way, I’ll be hearing very soon about a job I interviewed for recently, one that could be a career-maker for me.